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The Shadow Relm

@thedreamflarealchemist

| Ashlyn | Life's too short to worry about the fuck ups | Single | Pan and poly 👌| Her/she | Struggling 22 year old | Open DM | Main to @kamuis-dream @arlert-surveycorps @storm-me @hawks-determined

bitches be sucking farts there

there’s sixteen Colorado counties that their most searched was “wolf furry”, plus thirty-odd counties (not counting either Arapahoe or any of the ones marked here as “Insufficient Data”) which may well have had plenty of searches for “wolf furry”, just fewer than for whatever they’re labeled here

and “skunk furry” searches in Arapahoe County outnumbered “wolf furry” searches in the entire state of Colorado

something tells me Skunks Georg

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There’s a new map for 2022 and a European map!

Also, twitter user @/snackerman3 used the 2022 data to make… this

wow i really do have more in common with an iraqi person

wow i really do

have more in common with an

iraqi person

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Three nights ago my best friend's home burned down in a terrifying fire while the family slept. The family was alerted by one of their dogs barking to warn the family. Unfortunately that dog and two of their cats were lost to the fire. The family managed to make it out unharmed with another family dog and one of their cats who sustained multiple burns and is currently at the hospital for treatment.

They lost everything in the fire and would appreciate any help that can be offered. Thank you if you are able to contribute and if not please reblog. ❤️

Three nights ago my best friend's home burned down in a terrifying fire while the family slept. The family was alerted by one of their dogs barking to warn the family. Unfortunately that dog and two of their cats were lost to the fire. The family managed to make it out unharmed with another family dog and one of their cats who sustained multiple burns and is currently at the hospital for treatment.

They lost everything in the fire and would appreciate any help that can be offered. Thank you if you are able to contribute and if not please reblog. ❤️

Three nights ago my best friend's home burned down in a terrifying fire while the family slept. The family was alerted by one of their dogs barking to warn the family. Unfortunately that dog and two of their cats were lost to the fire. The family managed to make it out unharmed with another family dog and one of their cats who sustained multiple burns and is currently at the hospital for treatment.

They lost everything in the fire and would appreciate any help that can be offered. Thank you if you are able to contribute and if not please reblog. ❤️

If you were looking for a reason to try Temu here it is. I just need one person.

https://temu.com/s/xtve6VpSylJqpP3

Much appreciation 💛

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“You’ve seriously never thought about us kissing?” The superhero crooked an eyebrow. “We’ve been marinating in sexual tension for three years now.”

prompt by @gingerly-writing :> <333

“You’ve seriously never thought about us kissing?” The superhero crooked an eyebrow. “We’ve been marinating in sexual tension for three years now.”

The villain choked. Went to hide their blushing face.

When they cracked two fingers apart to peak, the superhero was still staring at them through their cell's reinforced bars.

"No," they said. "You're a bit too terrifying."

That was not entirely true. The superhero was terrifying, yes. Loved by the masses. Feared by the criminal underbelly of the city. But the villain was enamoured, hopelessly, by that. The contrast between their charming, friendly persona that was reserved for the masses and their true cold, calculating demeanor left the villain hopelessly pining after them. They were incredible, truly. Perfection.

They ran their hands down their heated face and looked up.

The superhero's perfect face stared down at them. The villain looked down at their crossed legs instead. "I thought you were just toying," they mumbled. "With the flirting."

Silence, again. The villain glanced up at the superhero through their lashes.

The superhero tilted their head, observing. The villain pressed their lips into a hard line and crossed their arms, hunching their shoulders.

The superhero crouched down to meet their level. The villain tucked their chin in and leaned back, refusing to make eye contact. They heard the rustle of the superhero's gloves slipping off of their fingers. They dropped to the floor, right in front of the bars. The villain could've reached with their fingers through the bars and taken them.

"It doesn't change my offer," said the superhero. "I get you out of this cell in exchange for a kiss."

Had it not been for their dark skin, the villain was sure they would've lit up red. But they couldn't accept the offer, surely. They imagined even a brush of their fingers would leave the villain dizzy and swaying on their feet. They recalled, once, they'd thrown a stun bomb at the superhero and had them incapacitated for almost ten minutes. The superhero had risen up, suit torn because they had it remade every day because it was not completely reinforced so that the public could get glimpses of their skin (and that always, always left the villain faint).

They'd had them up against the wall, smiled down, body radiating heat, and said, "well, aren't you incredible?"

The villain's knees had turned to jelly immediately.

"I can get out of here on my own," they mumbled, biting their tongue right after they spoke so their brain wouldn't conjure up more memories.

"Is that so?" The superhero mocked a curious tone. "A little birdie told me you've bruised your whole body trying to break these bars."

The villain winced. They looked fully up at the superhero, then, and saw they had their cheek resting on their fist. Their eyes were lazily hooded. Their other hand rose to trail fingers down their own neck, to the side of their collarbone.

The villain's hand rose, automatically, to their own collarbone, to the bruise there that was exposed by the loose neckline of their shirt. They pulled it close. Their cheeks flushed for a different reason, then. They hated this cell and the way it suppressed their powers. It felt like one of their limbs had been cut off. They hated the Scientist—the villain that had trapped them here—for finding a way to suppress their powers even more.

They straightened their back. "Liar. This cell's shut down my powers. Maybe it's done that to you, too." They glanced back at the number of fortified doors the superhero had sauntered through when they first entered. They could've broken through those doors with ease.

Once more, the superhero crooked an eyebrow. They lifted their cheek from their fist and closed their fingers around one of the steel bars. The villain watched as it corroded beneath their skin.

They blinked. "Oh."

The superhero spread their hand in a voila gesture, raising both brows. "Oh."

Dumbly, the villain pursed their lips. They seriously considered the offer, then. Glanced at the superhero's lips. Thought of how it would feel to have their lips pressed against the villain's.

Their lips buzzed with sensation. Oh, they felt dizzy right then.

"I'm not an idiot, in case you weren't paying attention," said the superhero. They tilted their head and raked their eyes down the villain. "I can hear your heart thumping like a bunny on caffeine. I always have."

The villain squeaked and put a hand over their heart, as if that would do any good. "You—you make me nervous."

The superhero smiled, then, all sly. "I know I do."

The villain's flush heightened, impossibly so. They didn't even know they could get this flustered. "This is unfair. You knew."

"I'm a very unfair person."

"I'm bad."

The superhero shrugged. "I'm terrible."

The villain clenched their fist. Everything felt very, very hot.

The superhero leaned in. They caught the villain's chin through the bars, bare, callused fingers rough and warm on their skin. "You're good," they said. "You're very good. You're exceptional, able to outsmart even me, and you just keep your talents on the down low so no one snipes you."

Again, the villain pursed their lips into a line. Wobbly. Burning with the phantom sensation of the superhero's lips on their's. They had nothing, then, just the heat curling all around their body. Fingers going shaky. "You'll take me out."

"Mm." The superhero tilted the villan's chin as much as the bars allowed them. Ran their fingers around the underside of their jaw. Skated up to touch one burning cheek. They smiled again. "To dinner. Or lunch. Or a nice little rooftop if you kiss me." They scraped their thumb along the curve of their bottom lip.

The villain's lips parted automatically. They took in a quivering, nervous breath. "You'll get me out."

"Of course."

"How long have you liked me back?"

One corner of the superhero's mouth curled up. It wasn't a camera-ready smile. It wasn't sly. It looked a little evil. It made the villain's heart flip hopelessly. "I might let you know if you kiss me."

The villain clutched the bars and leaned close. The steel brushed cold against their cheeks. They had to know. Was it since they first drew the superhero's blood? Or from that time one of their inventions sent the superhero flying through ten walls? Or one of the times when they had them blushing, pressed flush to a wall?

The superhero chuckled to themselves, tipped the villain's chin up just a little, and kissed them.

The villain sighed and pulled them close and the superhero pulled them closer. Their hands sneaked beneath their shirt and ran over their back, their sides, teased the edges of their waistband. It stung just a little bit from the bruises, but the heat the superhero's hands left in their wake left them too brainless to think of anything else but them.

The superhero leaned back first. The villain would've followed their lips mindlessly if it hadn't been for the bars. But instead they stayed there, breathless, lips buzzing intensely, cheeks still pressed to the steel bars. They tapped the corroded edge of the bar the superhero had touched.

The superhero ran their hands around the bars in a huge circle, and they snapped right off. The villain barely had time to get to their feet before the superhero had scooped them up into another kiss. This one was hungrier, eager for a taste, and the villain had to tiptoe to properly kiss them. They leaned back for air.

"Since the stun bomb," said the superhero. "I've wanted a smart, pretty thing like you since."

"O—oh." The villain wasn't sure how to respond to that, properly. They were already afraid they'd been misjudged on the smart part. They thought the superhero had maybe kissed them dumb. But they found that they didn't need to respond, because the superhero was kissing them again.

They walked out hand in hand. The superhero left them on a nice little rooftop, cheeks burning, lips still burning and maybe a little swollen.

The villain touched a hand to their cheek, feeling the heat there.

Oh, they were head over heels.

nah because now I'm out in public cooing and kicking my feet 😅😂 these two are SO CUTE I particularly adore the villain's fascination with the hero's scary side

first day as a second century warlord i have my men tie branches to their horses’ tails to stir up dust and make it look like there’s a lot of us but i forget it just rained so there isn’t any dust and the enemy can clearly see there’s like twenty of us all spread out in a line

second day as a second century warlord i bribe a bunch of kids to start singing a nursery rhyme i carefully crafted to spread misinformation and further my strategic ends but they change the lyrics to be about poop and the enemy isn’t misdirected at all

third day as a second century warlord i lure my enemy into a narrow valley and send a team of archers to shoot them from the high ground but there was a feral hog napping on the trail up to the overlook and they couldn’t decide whether to try and shoot it or just go around and by the time the hog woke up and left on its own the enemy had already passed safely below

fourth day as a second century warlord we attempt to join a battle on the side of the guy we want to ally with but he and the guy he’s fighting have really similar names and it’s finally dusty and i misread the standards and attack the wrong guy. so now we’re stuck with this total loser of a liege lord, because how the fuck do you explain that after a battle?

fifth day as a second century warlord and some sort of wizard wanders into camp, my loser liege lord wants to execute him for being a wizard but i convince him to let the wizard stay, because i want to do more weather-based strategies and i’m pretty sure having a camp wizard can help with that. after the welcome to the team banquet the wizard steals half the treasury and my liege lord’s wife and leaves

sixth day as a second century warlord my loser liege lord sends me to reinforce a city he’s taken, but in the confusion of leaving i forgot to take the token that would have gotten us into the city, so my men have to wait outside the city walls for like eight hours while i ride back to get it

seventh day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord finally joins me in the city, it turns out he’s actually a pretty cool guy, and he isn’t even that mad at me for letting the wizard steal his wife. i decide to shoot my shot but i’m really nervous and keep on stalling because what if i mess up our relationship and by extension jeopardize the security of my men, and eventually he just says goodnight and goes back to his room, where an assassin is in the process of setting up to kill him

eighth day as a second century warlord and my loser liege lord tells me to fake defect to his rival warlord, the one i originally wanted to ally with, to find out if he was the one who sent the assassin and why. but my whole way over to the rival warlord i’m worried that this has something to do with the wizard thing or how awkward i made it last night

ninth day as a second century warlord i try to tactfully ask my fake liege lord if he sent the assassin to kill my loser liege lord and it turns out the idea of using assassins never occurred to him, but now that i’ve suggested it he’s really into it. in order to save my loser liege lord i volunteer to be the one to kill him

tenth day as a second century warlord on my way back to my loser liege lord’s city i realize i won’t be able to collect my men from my fake liege lord until i bring back my loser liege lord’s head. this would have been a great thing to think of before i got myself in this situation. i go back to my loser liege lord and ask him to rescue my men, and he tells me that if he could sack my fake liege lord’s camp he already would have. that doesn’t change the fact that my men are still trapped. they’re prisoners, even. i go back to my room to sulk

eleventh day as a second century warlord i find a little caged pigeon in the rafters of my loser liege lord’s room and deduce it belonged to the assassin. without asking permission or telling my loser liege lord goodbye i let the pigeon loose and follow it north. don’t ask what i was doing in my loser liege lord’s room. it’s not important

twelfth day as a second century warlord i disguise myself as a wizard and enter the camp of the coalition leader the pigeon led me to. in the middle of my little sleight of hand performance i make eye contact with the coalition leader’s second-in-command. IT’S THE WIZARD THAT STOLE MY LOSER LIEGE LORD’S WIFE. after the banquet i corner the fake wizard and ask him what the fuck is going on and he just says “wouldn’t you like to know” and leaves. i don’t know what to say to that so i just let him go

thirteenth day as a second century warlord i’m honestly so sick of not knowing what’s going on, so i adjust my wizard costume to passably disguise myself as a woman and break into the women’s area of the camp, where sure enough my loser liege lord’s wife is. i ask her what she’s doing here and she tells me the fake wizard overheard her singing a poem she overheard on the street, not knowing it contains the coalition leader’s formation’s weaknesses. the fake wizard kidnapped her and assigned an assassin to kill her husband before they figured out the poem’s significance. she shares the first couplet with me but i’m discovered and thrown out before she can share any more. she doesn’t need to. through a bizarre coincidence of homophones, it’s the poop version of my misinformation nursery rhyme

fourteenth day as a second century warlord i go back to my loser liege lord and tell him everything, urging him to join with my fake liege lord to attack the coalition leader according to the weaknesses in the nursery rhyme. he tells me frankly that he doesn’t trust me anymore. i ask him to execute me if that’s really true, because i can’t bear to live if i can’t protect him and i can’t protect my men. he agrees to attack the coalition leader

fifteenth day as a second century warlord. due to the information in the nursery rhyme, and thanks to my loser liege lord reminding me of the weather conditions multiple times while planning our battle strategy, our alliance carries the day. my loser liege lord gets his wife back. my men tell me that our fake liege lord actually treated them really well and they’d like to stay with him if i don’t mind. i do mind, now that neither the men i love nor the man i love have any use for me, but i don’t tell them that

sixteenth day as a second century warlord i’m preparing to leave to i don’t know where, maybe to try to become a wizard for real, when my loser liege lord stops me and asks me where i’m going. he says he had hoped i would continue to work as his advisor. i was unaware i was his advisor in the first place. i agree, and he tells me he’s truly honored to have me in his service at last. he has known i am a rare and talented man with a strategic intelligence far above his ever since the day he witnessed me tying branches to my horses’ tails in six inches of mud, and could not for the life of him figure out why

TBH I was waiting the whole time for a punchline that this is the actual plot of one of the classical Chinese war epics. Awesome.

A young gay dragon being forced to explain to his dad why he’s only kidnapping princes

A young gay prince having to explain to his dad how he keeps managing to get kidnapped by the same dragon, over and over.

so does the dragon shapeshift or are 100,000+ people really okay with a dragon a human doing the do

Maybe the human is the one who shapeshifts, you don’t know

Sir, this is the monsterfucker website sir.

there should be a special place in hell for those who renovate victorian houses to have modern interior like what the hell is wrong with you. i hope the ghosts kill you fr.

Do you ever wonder why it's so hard to connect? Sometimes i can't seem to fathom the fact that it seems like everyone wants the same basic thing right? At at base level we all want to connect with others. We all want at least one person whos excited about our existence, who wants to engage with you and spend time with you and who cares about you, but somehow so many of us feel that way and yet its still so hard to find someone like that. Its so hard to find someone to connect with and i've never understood why? Is it because people are so diverse? Can we not appreciate others differences?

It just seems so odd. We're all craving closeness, people to form bonds with but most of the time its hard. You can't meet a new person and immediately start with "hi i'm interested in forming a friendship where i'm hoping we can mutually be excited to talk together and enjoy caring about each other."

We all want to connect on some level. Why can't it be that simple?