Girl isn't even a word to me anymore he's a friend
We're doing to girls what the guys did to guys
i'd love to do to girls what guys do to guys
Suck their cocka??
Their cocka 😌
had a dream i lost a silver necklace and i get a text from this guy asking if its valuable and I reply no, just sentimental, and he replies back to me with a video of him giving the necklace to a large scarab who immediately buried it in the desert
pharmacommissar
Anonymous asked:
you dhould be your own person. you are so young and insecure. at this rate you will never be able to find the cup or the scepter
He doesn’t even have the cup or the scepter
every day of my life i scream and cry and throw up bc i dont have this jumper
i dont think we give karl urban enough credit for his acting in this extended edition scene of eomer discovering eowyn in pelennor fields because. my goodness
tags via @penandpage
Tags are fantastic, and if you’re on the fence about reading the books please know Eomer finds her before the battle ends in the original, and thinking she is dead goes absolutely feral on the enemy.
The narration is even like “newly king, Eomer says FUCK TACTICS LETS KILL ORCS, and it is not a good decision but he sure did make it emphatically.”
OP Change your FUCKING URL
if i were on the board of home depot id suggest opening a lesbian bar in the gardening section
happy pride month to chad and ryan, the lil gay cowboy and roman in the night at the museum trilogy, and every man who played volleyball in top gun (1986).
Lawyer: How would you like to handle the custody agreement?
Parent: I want my wife to take one of my infant daughters to the UK and I’ll take the other one and we will never see each other again.
Lawyer: You want to fucking what?
What’s better than a vampire? What’s better than a horse. A Vampire Horse, of course. I made this comic a few months ago.
still thinking about yesterdya’s nancy, it’s so so good
The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:
- the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”
- That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”
- oh, that hurt
- I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots
- the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life
- on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious
- I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was
- The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”
- God.
- for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again
- it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”
So the French are like that to each other, too
