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Yours truly, the Deranged Solicitor

@thederangedsolicitor / thederangedsolicitor.tumblr.com

(Rhetorically) WHAT THE HECK IS A SPOILER TAG, HONESTLY | Sorry, but we're in Houseki no Kuni hell now. Enjoy the irregular shipments of really well-drawn gem-persons. | Also known as waltzingOphidian, Ushabti, Amets and Vavakx Nonexus.

A general cane guide for writers and artists (from a cane user, writer, and artist!)

Disclaimer: Though I have been using a cane for 6 years, I am not a doctor, nor am I by any means an expert. This guide is true to my experience, but there are as many ways to use a cane as there are cane users!

This guide will not include: White canes for blindness, crutches, walkers, or wheelchairs as I have no personal experience with these.

This is meant to be a general guide to get you started and avoid some common mishaps/misconceptions, but you absolutely should continue to do your own research outside of this guide!

The biggest recurring problem I've seen is using the cane on the wrong side. The cane goes on the opposite side of the pain! If your character has even-sided pain or needs it for balance/weakness, then use the cane in the non-dominant hand to keep the dominant hand free. Some cane users also switch sides to give their arm a rest!

A cane takes about 20% of your weight off the opposite leg. It should fit within your natural gait and become something of an extension of your body. If you need more weight off than 20%, then crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair is needed.

Putting more pressure on the cane, using it on the wrong side, or having it at the wrong height will make it less effective, and can cause long term damage to your body from improper pressure and posture. (Hugh Laurie genuinely hurt his body from years of using a cane wrong on House!)

(an animated GIF of a cane matching the natural walking gait. It turns red when pressure is placed on it.)

When going up and down stairs, there is an ideal standard: You want to use the handrail and the cane at the same time, or prioritize the handrail if it's only on one side. When going up stairs you lead with your good leg and follow with the cane and hurt leg together. When going down stairs you lead with the cane, then the good leg, and THEN the leg that needs help.

Realistically though, many people don't move out of the way for cane users to access the railing, many stairs don't have railings, and many are wet, rusty, or generally not ideal to grip.

In these cases, if you have a friend nearby, holding on to them is a good idea. Or, take it one step at a time carefully if you're alone.

Now we come to a very common mistake I see... Using fashion canes for medical use!

(These are 4 broad shapes, but there is INCREDIBLE variation in cane handles. Research heavily what will be best for your character's specific needs!)

The handle is the contact point for all the weight you're putting on your cane, and that pressure is being put onto your hand, wrist, and shoulder. So the shape is very important for long term use!

Knob handles (and very decorative handles) are not used for medical use for this reason. It adds extra stress to the body and can damage your hand to put constant pressure onto these painful shapes.

The weight of a cane is also incredibly important, as a heavier cane will cause wear on your body much faster. When you're using it all day, it gets heavy fast! If your character struggles with weakness, then they won't want a heavy cane if they can help it!

This is also part of why sword canes aren't usually very viable for medical use (along with them usually being knob handles) is that swords are extra weight!

However, a small knife or perhaps a retractable blade hidden within the base might be viable even for weak characters.

Bases have a lot of variability as well, and the modern standard is generally adjustable bases. Adjustable canes are very handy if your character regularly changes shoe height, for instance (gotta keep the height at your hip!)

Canes help on most terrain with their standard base and structure. But for some terrain, you might want a different base, or to forego the cane entirely! This article covers it pretty well.

Many cane users decorate their canes! Stickers are incredibly common, and painting canes is relatively common as well! You'll also see people replacing the standard wrist strap with a personalized one, or even adding a small charm to the ring the strap connects to. (nothing too large, or it gets annoying as the cane is swinging around everywhere)

(my canes, for reference)

If your character uses a cane full time, then they might also have multiple canes that look different aesthetically to match their outfits!

When it comes to practical things outside of the cane, you reasonably only have one hand available while it's being used. Many people will hook their cane onto their arm or let it dangle on the strap (if they have one) while using their cane arm, but it's often significantly less convenient than 2 hands. But, if you need 2 hands, then it's either setting the cane down or letting it hang!

For this reason, optimizing one handed use is ideal! Keeping bags/items on the side of your free hand helps keep your items accessible.

When sitting, the cane either leans against a wall or table, goes under the chair, or hooks onto the back of the chair. (It often falls when hanging off of a chair, in my experience)

When getting up, the user will either use their cane to help them balance/support as they stand, or get up and then grab their cane. This depends on what it's being used for (balance vs pain when walking, for instance!)

That's everything I can think of for now. Thank you for reading my long-but-absolutely-not-comprehensive list of things to keep in mind when writing or drawing a cane user!

Happy disability pride month! Go forth and make more characters use canes!!!

I'm obsessed with court jesters in fantasy stories so have another story concept about it:

A new person is introduced to the king's court, and as soon as they walk in the court jester announces that they are a thief and a fraud and rode in here with stolen horses. And just as the newcome member is about to retaliate, they're advised not to, and explained that nothing the jester says is true, ever. He just says completely baseless and wild shit, recreationally. The newcomer looks at the jester, who is currently bemoaning that the king won't kiss him in public, as if they are lovers. The king looks irate, but leads by example and ignores the jester's idiotic claims.

The more one learns about the court's inner workings, the more apparent it is that the jester really does do that. The false claims and absurd rumours that go around aren't regurgitated by the jester as often as they are apparently started by him, and are proven false on a consistent basis. The only way to make yourself a worse clown than the jester himself is to get defensive about it, or make any attempt to disprove him. Once a drunken high priest embarrasses himself completely by stripping down in front of the court to prove that he does not, in fact, consist of two smaller men standing on each others' shoulders, concealed by the priestly garb.

"And the king is fucking the jester" has become a standard sarcastic retort that people say to imply that someone is a naive fool who believes in wild and false baseless rumours. Along the lines of "You think the old marchioness' handmaid is actually secretly her personal assassin? Do you also believe that the king is fucking the jester?"

But if one could wiggle their way all the way through to the deepest bottom layers of court scheming without getting killed along the way, it turns out that there are a handful of these claims that actually are true, but nobody would ever believe them - or believe you if you told them about it - because the truth is disguised as such open-faced blatant lies that you'd look like a fool trying to actually prove them. And all of these most outrageous things are schemes that re-inforce the power of the throne or directly benefit the king. And the system is so sturdy that the jester could flat-out say that out loud and nobody would believe it because it's the jester saying it.

Because the truth is, the king is fucking the jester.

The thing to remember about plurality is that it’s not, like, an objectively real fact, there’s no material aspect to it. You can’t cut into a person’s brain an identify “ah yes this bit is the host and this bit is the defender and this bit is the little,” there aren’t literally a bunch of little people in your head. Whether or not you’re “really” plural really just comes down to whether conceptualizing yourself as a system of distinct entities is helpful for dealing with the difficulties you’re having. It’s true if it’s useful. Before I conceptualized my violent intrusive thoughts as coming from the combat angel in my head trying to protect me, I didn’t have any way of making them stop if they were happening at an inopportune moment. Nowadays if someone makes me feel threatened and my head fills up with images of doing harm to them, and that phenomenon happening is distracting me from whatever I’m trying to do, I can just ask Veronica “hey, could ya chill out? I’m trying to focus here” and she DOES. Is there “really” a girl in my head who gets angry on my behalf when someone’s mean to me? Well, she listens when I ask her to calm down, so I guess there fuckin is. It’s true because it’s useful.

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please god above can someone explain to me why we're still working on self driving cars when trains exist

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"we're training them to interpret road signs!" Train goes same place every day. No road signs.

"when forced to choose between old lady and child, which is more ethical for the car to hit?" Fence around train track. Nobody on the road.

"people with disabilities preventing them from driving themselves can be independent" Yes but also. Train.

"reduces the dangers of fatigue with long distance trucking" Train.

"the technology is not yet price effective for the average driver" Train.

Seriously come on choo choo bitches let's goooooooooo

We will never invent a car that's as eco-friendly as increasing our rail infrastructure.

As someone who took etiquette lessons, politeness is an incredibly effective tool for disarming bigots. You can either force them to reconsider their words/actions by directly and calmly confronting their behavior (by using the rules of society in your favor), or you can dip entirely while they appear to be in the wrong.

Both options are great.

Because the thing is, when bigots pick fights, they are 100% counting on you to get louder than them. Or meaner. They want you to react emotionally and provide fodder for their 'You're Too Emotionally Immature To Understand' cannon.

What they aren't expecting you to do is say one of the following phrases in a polite, concerned tone:

  1. Are you okay?
  2. That's not the kind of language I was raised to use with others.
  3. Do you need a moment to think on why that wasn't acceptable?
  4. This is no way to engage in intelligent conversation. Please try that again in a kinder tone if you'd like this to continue. (I really like this one because it lets you turn their public-shame rhetoric around)

For those of you who'd are spiteful and/or dealing with Fundamentalists/Evangelicals/generally shitty Christians:

  1. What's happening in your life to cause you this much anger? I can't imagine hurting so badly that I need to hurt other people.
  2. Who taught you it was acceptable to treat other people this way? Certainly not the Jesus I remember.
  3. Whatever happened to 'judge not lest ye be judged'?
  4. If I talked like that in front of my parents or grandparents I would be ashamed.
  5. I think there's something you need to pray on before we try and have this conversation.

And my all time favorite:

"It sounds to me like there are some seriously dark and angry forces at work in your heart."

(Nothing stops a Christian bigot in their tracks faster than implying the Devil is causing their bigotry. But you MUST be calm, polite, and gentle with your tone and wording. It is absolutely fair to twist the rules and play them at their own game, but you gotta play hard.)

TLDR: It's much faster to use etiquette, politeness, and rhetoric reversal when eviscerating idiots online and in person, because they aren't expecting you to weaponize their behaviors back in their direction. Don't get angry, get spitefully polite! :)

My favourite one is "Do you think that this is a normal/acceptable thing to say/do?"

Help save mature forests in the US

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If you don't want to watch (or started to scroll past) the gist of the video is this:

The US Forest Service and Bureau of Land Management have asked for public opinions on whether they should (or should be allowed to) protect mature and old growth forests.

The link above leads to a 10-second submission form to send letters to both services at once saying YES, I would like you to please protect these forests. Again, the only info necessary on the form is a first and last name, and an email address.

You only have until TOMORROW, June 20th 2023 to respond!

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I'm reblogging this again because the video says July 20th, but the official government page for it says 6/20/023 11:59pm EDT for a deadline. This is TOMORROW, so if you want your voice to count, or you want to spread the news, you unfortunately do not have time to put it off or add this to your queue. It's gotta be now.

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Today is the last day, you have about 17 hours left. Please use your voice to protect our forests.

The proposed rule provides a framework to protect intact landscapes, restore degraded habitat, and ensure wise decisionmaking in planning, permitting, and programs, by identifying best practices to manage lands and waters to achieve desired conditions. To do so, the proposed rule applies the fundamentals of land health and related standards and guidelines to all BLM-managed public lands and uses; current BLM policy limits their application to grazing authorizations. In implementing the fundamentals of land health, the proposed rule codifies the need across BLM programs to use high-quality information to prepare land health assessments and evaluations and make determinations about land health condition. The proposed rule requires meaningful consultation during decisionmaking processes with Tribes and Alaska Native Corporations on issues that affect their interests, including the use of Indigenous Knowledge.

From the executive summary, bolding mine.

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Slavs: Have free healthcare Also slavs: I’m not seeing the doctor unless dying, there are sick people there

I em Slavic, and this is 90% true 

however, you got one thing wrong 

Only snobs, hipsters, and fratboys drink foreign brands 

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Nonono this is a good cola. It’s the party cola. This is the cola you drink and enjoy. Coca cola is the cola you have stored in your home for months in case someone gets sick, that’s its only use. The scientific explanation (the scientist is my mother) is that american Coca Cola has more evil chemicals, therefore it vibe checks the evil out of your stomach.

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THIS IS THE SLAVEST POST EVER AMAZING

hey there LGBTQ kids who are also Christian/Jewish! If you feel like you’re disobeying God, questioning your faith, or feel wrong and dirty for loving who you love, there’s this fantastic site I found today called hoperemains that accurately and thoroughly combs through scripture and its (many) mistranslations, validates your orientation, and basically let’s you know that you’re not pissing off God. It’s insanely thorough and after reading through every page on the entire site it’s super helpful. Go check it out!

No no no! Jewish LGBTQ kinderlach! Go to Keshet

hoperemains is completely from a Christian perspective, and not pluralistic or interfaith at all.

If you reblogged the first post from me please reblog this amendment so the Jewish peeps can access this resource too! 

Trans Jewish kids, you can go to TransTorah as well!

Muslim LGBTQ kids, you can go to iamnotharaam! It’s run by a mod squad of different genders and orientations, and they take submissions from everybody!

–BB

The group chat has decided that since I've only had one sexual relationship and it wasn't a very good one and I've since transitioned, changed my legal name, undergone hormone therapy and now had bottom surgery, that I have ship of theseus'ed my way back to being a virgin

I'm having the weirdest fucking pride month

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I'm pretty on board with the headcanon that what Link gets out of being the bearer of the Triforce of Courage is the power of being a video game protagonist, but I genuinely can't decide whether it would be funnier if he's 100% aware of how much bullshit his everything is, or if he honestly doesn't realise.

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Like, does he know that normal people can't recover from life-threatening wounds in a matter of minutes by drinking a jar of really good soup? It's the sort of thing you'd assume would be obvious just from being around other human beings, and yet.

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The fact that Breath of the Wild Link's laser-parrying trick is something that only works for him is made explicit in the dialogue, so presumably he's at least aware that it's exceptional, but does he understand that it's complete bullshit, or does he think it's just a skill issue?

Link: No, that's fair, if I fuck up the timing I have to eat a laser to the chest and that is, understandably, extremely painful, so I don't recommend you practice this unless you're really confident about your timing.

Random Guard:...Link people die if they take those to the chest.

Link: I mean you should be angling yourself, i'm not saying to just let your sternum take a whole blow, to just take it square, that's a terrible idea

Random Guard: It explodes rocks.

Link: You have armor for a reason my guy.

Random Guard: ...

Link: If it helps, drinking some fire resist potions has proven to be moderately effective for me.

Random Guard: The Ones you apply to your skin?

Link: What

Random Guard: What

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I think we should start referring to historical figures with absurdly grand titles by the most prosaically literal translations we can come up with. Like, "Charlemagne"? "Carolus Magnus"? Fuck you, your name is "Big Chuck".

Jesus Christ? You mean Greasy Josh?

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"Jesus Christ" is an especially fun one because while yes, it does work out to "Josh, who has been anointed (with oil)", if you chase down the etymology, khrīstós – and hence christ – more properly refers to the act of rubbing, without reference to the substance that's being rubbed on. Thus, you can make an argument that "Jesus Christ" is most literally understood as "Josh, who has been rubbed"; I have no idea how to render that into modern colloquial English, but this is Tumblr – I'm sure we have an idea or two.

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Head-Pats Josh.

one day, dragongirl will be slain, and a measure of beauty and wonder will leave the world forevermore. but she takes heart in the fact that:

  • she cannot be killed save by a hero
  • no hero can kill her without seven certain blessings and anointments
  • no hero so anointed can kill her save for with a mighty weapon
  • no weapon can pierce her save one wrought from gleaming mythril and glittering adamant
  • no mythril-and-adamant weapon wielded by a blessed and anointed hero can pierce her save through a single dull scale the size of a dime, laying the wrong way over her heart
  • no hero can reach her without first passing through her assembled hordes
  • no hero can reach her without first passing through the awful furnace-firestorm that surrounds her
  • no hero can kill her save in the innermost chamber of her lair, at the heart of a tangle of labyrinthine corridors of deathtraps
  • no one tempted even for a moment by her assembled treasures and comforts can be a hero

gryphongirl and sphinxgirl are constantly making fun of her for spending so many of her character creation points on layered conditional immortalities, but she's in this for the long game.

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pbta games

Question that has been sitting in the back of my mind for a week: which famous occultist/esotericist was a born and bred Poster before their time. Who was made for the forums

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Easily Paracelsus. My man would be an INCREDIBLE poster.

Paracelsus was kinda the first person to think that a real doctor ought to actually have boots on the ground, and treat patients in person. He traveled a TON, and kept getting himself into Scenarios like getting kidnapped by cossacks and charming his way out.

He regularly says shit like "there is more wisdom in my shoelaces than the entirety of Galen, more knowledge in my beard than the whole of Avicenna." Which is the equivalent of saying "The STREETS taught me more than your "Plato" ever could." But the thing is that he was RIGHT. He was a supreme shit talker, but he completely revolutionized medicine. Meaning he talked shit with the confidence of someone who knew he was right.

Legend has it that at the university of Württemberg, they would kick off every school year with a big bonfire and a feast to "burn away the old year." And Paracelsus was such a showboat that he started burning old medical texts to demonstrate his distaste for the medical establishment. The man would just do shit.

As a poster, I think he would be an early renaissance combination of Skweezy Jibbs and Trump.

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Oh if we're doing that

The star and crescent symbol on this Saddle Arabian diplomat's (blanket? I guess?) implies that there was a pony Ottoman Empire at some point.

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☪️☪️Alhamdulillah☪️☪️

The existence of Horse Islam implies the existence of Horse Catholicism and Horse Judaism.

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Do you think Horse Christ was nailed to a big Horseshoe?

Was there a council of Neighcea? A clopistant reformation? Did horse polymaths pour over ancient texts in the Bagghdad (bagg like the horse) house of wisdom? Do horse rabbi use yad with a little hoof on the end?