Dang it grandpa

my mom finally bought a toaster

why did this get notes

we’re happy for you

its just a toaster

it’s been three years since i made this post. stop congratulating me on the toaster! stop asking me how the new toaster is doing!! i don’t know!! i haven’t lived with my mom in almost a year! i haven’t seen that toaster in months!! she might even have a new new toaster now!!! who knows!? not me!

@egberts how’s the toaster?

well the 10 year update to this saga is that I don’t talk to my mom and I have my own toaster 👍 don’t let your dreams be dreams

is this even funny i dont think its funny im not putting it in the tags

How has this comic made such a groundbreaking cultural impact without getting over 40k notes

The amount of experience as Spider-Man/Woman in order

My favorite thing is that Europe is spooky because it’s old and America is spooky because it’s big

“The difference between America and England is that Americans think 100 years is a long time, while the English think 100 miles is a long way.” –Earle Hitchner

A fave of mine was always the american tales where people freaked out because ‘someone died in this house’ and all the europeans would go ‘…Yes? That would be pretty much every house over 40 years old.’

‘…My school is older than your entire town.’

‘Sorry, you think *how far* is okay to travel for a shopping trip?’

*American looks up at the beams in a country pub* ‘Uh, this place has woodworm, isn’t that a bit unsafe?’ ‘Eh, the woodworm’s 400 years old, it’s holding those beams together.’

A few years ago when I was in college I did a summer program at Cambridge aimed specifically at Americans and Canadians, and my year it was all Americans and one Australian.  We ended the program with a week in Wessex, and on the last day as we all piled onto the bus in Salisbury (or Bath? I can’t remember), the professors went to the front to warn us that we wouldn’t be making any stops unless absolutely necessary.  We’re headed to Heathrow to drop off anyone flying off the same day, then back to Cambridge.

“All right, it’s going to be a long bus ride, so make sure you’re prepared for that.”

We all brace ourselves.  A long bus ride?  How long?  We’re Americans; a long bus ride for us is a minimum of six hours with the double digits perfectly plausible.  We can handle a twelve hour bus ride as long as we get a bathroom break.

The answer.  “Two hours.”

Oh.

English people trying to travel around Australia and wildly underestimating distance are my favourite thing

a tour guide in France told my school group that a particular cathedral wouldn’t interest us much because “it’s not very old; only from the early 1600s”

to which we had to respond that it was still older than the oldest surviving European-style buildings in our country

China is both old and big. I had some Chinese colleagues over; we were discussing whether they wanted to see the Vasa ship (hugely expensive war ship which sank on it’s maiden voyage after 12 min). They asked if it was old, I said “not THAT old” (bearing in mind they were Chinese) “it’s from the 1500s.” To my surprise they still looked impressed, nodding enthusiatically. Then I realised I’d forgotten something: “…I mean it’s from the 1500s AFTER the birth of Christ” and they went “oh, AFTER…”.

My dad’s favorite quote from various tours in Italy was “Pay no attention to the tower – it was a [scornful tone] tenth century addition.”

My last boss was Chinese, and she said when her parents came to visit her from Beijing they pronounced Chicago “A very nice village.” 

This post keeps getting better

European problems include:

- Missing a turn and now you need to cross the border;

- Towns built 500 to 800 years ago with really small roads where cars can barely fit;

- That road/parking lot/etc they were building is gonna take twice the time to finish because they found Roman ruins AGAIN!

European problems extended: 

 WW2 bombs.

I love this post but also hate it because people never acknowledge the structures of native and indigenous people in America and Canada. We literally have pyramids here in Illinois that are thousands of years old.

There is stuff here from the Aztecs, but since it wasn’t made by settlers people think that America is only as old as when Europeans came over.

The population that got wiped out and displaced by Europeans is still here and needs to be acknowledged. America and Canada aren’t “young” and have more history than most ppl acknowledge.

RT only for the last post. 

[Image description: headlines of WWII bombs either exploding unexpectedly in European towns and cities or being found during road works. /ID]

I went walking on some public footpaths in England and everyone was like “oh this one was a Roman roads, these are so ancient!” and I ended up cranky because there are ancient or at least hundred of year old roads in the Americas, we just don’t pay attention to them because Colonization.

To be clear - I don’t have any issue with OP’s statement (or even any of the reblogs). Im just cranky at the US educational system. And boomers, a little.

Where do you think the oldest shoes in the world are? China? Greece? Iraq?

they’re from Oregon:

Catalog #1-33612 and #1-31699 Sagebrush Sandals: Fort Rock Cave, Oregon, ca. 10,000 years old

Where do you think the

oldest shoes in the world are?

China? Greece? Iraq?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Growing up in the midwest: look for oddly shaped hills. There are a lot of mounds and earthworks that are hard to see because there’s grass (and parking lots, sometimes,) on them. In the mountain west? Look up. The things that weren’t destroyed by the tiny creek in the canyon you’re in are the things that were built well above it’s flood stage. You have to know what you are looking for.

What have you become?

link's face before eating dubious food is so funny to me

he hasn't even tasted it yet he's just bracing himself for it

i was thinking about that post comparing Jessica Rabbit as an asexual to Barbie and an asexual and then i thought of the Neil Gaiman post (was it a post?) about Crowley and Aziraphale being asexual and then this happened.

anyways. thoughts?

this is that dude from disco elysium innit

in fairness the question did not say anything about winning

NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE 

where is his emmy

this is honestly some Willem Dafoe as the Green Goblin type shit

the greatest piece of acting…. of this decade 

made this yesterday evening, thinking “is this really what was my 3 years of study animation for? simply tracing the gif for some shippy gay crap?”

but it was relaxing and calming after sad anxious boring day so i guess it worth it

original:

i don’t make the rules AT ALL, but if you mostly spend time in Gay People Spaces then you know about 28 ppl who look like this 

tears of the kingdom has my favorite kind of RPG energy, in which a 3 hour long side quest that seems super important yields a reward of 20 rupees, and a random five minute side quest from a farmer pulling up weeds yields the best helmet in the game.

I fucking love these videos

This is un-𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐-acceptable. The vending machine, ｂｒｏｋｅ, and robbed me of my 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓆𝓊𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈 and now I can't work properly without my 𝓕𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓸 𝓛𝓪𝔂𝓼™. I wanna (𝔰𝔦𝔯) speak to your manager (𝖘𝖎𝖗) 𝙞𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙡𝙮!

🅂🄸🅁, hello? Does somebody need a new prescription for their 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬? I'm a security guard, not a vending machine guy.

Oh, 𝕛𝕖𝕖𝕫𝕖! I'm so-ɦօ sorry, if you're not the 𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓶𝓪𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓰𝓾𝔂, then, 𝔴𝔥𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 🄵🅄🄲🄺 𝔦𝔰? Because all I see is you ⓟⓐⓝⓢⓨ-⃝ⓐⓢⓢ 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭-𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 loafin' around everywhere, like, are any of you NPCs programmed with 𝕒𝕟𝕪 bit of responsibility? 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭?

What's a 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚊ꜰᴜᴄᴋᴀ 𝔞𝔯𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝖌𝖔𝖙𝖙𝖆 𝖉𝖔 to ⒼⒺⓉ ⓈⓄⓂⒺ 🅵🆁🅸🆃🅾-

I feel that Jerma and DougDoug are similar breeds of "chaotic area funnyman is haunted by twitch chat all hours of the day" but the key difference is that Doug looks normal about it. With Jerma you look at him and know that Something's going on there but Doug is just the most Average American Man of a streamer I've ever seen in my life and then you learn something about him like that he regularly drinks olive oil straight from the bottle because he insists that its "a fast and easy way to get calories on a keto diet" and you're like what. wait what the fuck

I think I download the wrong Persona 5 game

I should genderswap the girls too 🚶‍♀️

*update:

Nintendo: How are you guys liking the new Link in Breath of the Wild?

LoZ Fandom:

Nintendo:

LoZ Fandom:

@becquerelnoir

Even Crowley isn't immune to compliments…