Guided by Starlight

Some of you use punk as an excuse to be a dick, and it shows

can we stop putting tacky graphics on literally everything? ill be in forever 21 and find a shirt that looks like something id really want and then ill unfold it and itll say some shit like “slap my ass i love to drink coffee and radiate good vibes” and i just wanna know what i did to deserve this and who the fuck asked for that?

it’s 9pm …. you know what that means

sure he’s well versed in leftist theory but does he do the dishes

this is such a succinct critique of  male leftists who think of it as theory only & won’t even get off their ass to clear the table

me: tries to sign into my google account

google: this UGLY bitch just tried to HACK into your account. destroy all your electronic devices to prevent this

asdghjkjs

America

take a chance on yourself

Warm blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Warm blooded creature: *vibrates*

Cold blooded creature: wow I’m chilly

Cold blooded creature: goes into a coma

chubby girls who think they’re better than thin girls because “guys like thick girls” are clowns. thin girls who think they’re better than chubby girls because “guys like skinny girls” are clowns. you’re all clowns, stop letting men turn you against other women (over something so superficial and unimportant!!!). stop letting men “validate” your existence and body type. they dont care about you, they have a fetish.

i like how writing realistic worlds and characters is so important for so many writers to the point where they agonize over it. meanwhile lemony snicket was just like “death to reality. im gonna write this whole ass series and with god as my witness, absolutely fucking NOBODY is gonna act like a person.”

Daniel Handler, after downing whatever the hell he was on: The baby has piranha teeth and can take a trained swordswoman in a fight. 

All of us: Fucking genius. 

readers: what time and place is this set in? Daniel Handler: Yes.

I mean it wholeheartedly when I say lizzo is my religion……………she just gets it, every bit of it, and I cannot express how grateful I am that she shares even some of her wisdom w us

Stu, let me ask you a question: how did you not realize until then that you had too many eggs? Nobody sells eggs in a big cloth-covered basket, so you must have done that yourself. That means you spent god-knows-how-long opening up twelve whole cartons of eggs, carefully placing each egg one-by-one inside a big basket, and then covering it with a big picnic cloth… and at no point- at no point- did you ever stop and think “gee, there might be TOO MANY FUCKING EGGS HERE”

You really have lost control of your life.

I may have gone overboard with this

I remember first learning that you can cry from any emotion, that emotions are chemical levels in your brain and your body is constantly trying to maintain equilibrium. so if one emotion sky rockets, that chemical becomes flagged and signals the tear duct to open as an exit to release that emotion packaged neatly within a tear. Everything made sense after learning that. That sudden stability of your emotions after crying. How crying is often accompanied by the inability to feel any other emotion in that precise moment. And it is especially beautiful knowing that it is even possible to experience so much beauty or love or happiness that your body literally can’t hold on to all of it. So what I’ve learned is that crying signifies that you are feeling as much as humanely possible and that is living to the fullest extent. So keep feeling and cry often and as much as needed

SHIT WHAT

Also let yourself cry. It really is a biochemical release valve to dump out all the chemicals that make you feel stuff.

I honestly think one reason men in western culture have so many problems is that we don’t let them cry, and literally their brains get stuffed with all this crap that doesn’t have a release valve. Men, please cry. You’ll feel better. It’s ok. You are not lesser for taking care of your health.

This is why tears from different emotions look different under an electron microscope. They’re literally made up of different things. 

Happy tears are structurally different than sad tears than angry tears than overwhelmed tears etc.

I looked it up, cuz that tidbit was dope to me and..

Never would have known

Ah yes, the emotions: grief, change, onion, humor

this is the funniest fucking thing i have ever seen in my life

You teach them responsibility by entrusting them with these devices.

You teach them teamwork by taking them away at night and storing them in your room.

My dad kept the computer locked and monitored (and only used when under direct supervision), an intolerable situation to which my little brother and I reacted with gusto. We set up a camera to get the password, coded password guessers, bootcamped a Mac to allow us to use an entirely different system, and figured out various ways to avoid logging internet activity, logins, and even the hidden camera my dad set up. He would discover our new hack and put even more restrictions (he is very computer literate), and we would crack it again. We learned computer security just because my dad didn’t want us to.

I breezed through AP comp sci into a tech field. Ironically, I was introduced to porn because I was looking for another bypass and stumbled into a BDSM site so I can also blame my dad for me being a freaky ho.

Out of all the responses to this post. Yours was my favourite. I cried laughing when I saw the last paragraph

“These are my children.”

“They look nothing li—”

“LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE.”

for some reason I really like that she’s called Hilda.

This happened on my grandmothers farm when my mom was little,

baby ducks act a lot like baby chickens so in the beginning it wasn’t so bad

the main problem is that baby ducks  LOVE water, but baby chickens get very very dead from it,

so you can imagine the mother hens surprise and horror the first time they go by the farm pond and ALL THE BABIES RUN TO THE WATER AND JUMP IN

my grandmother had to come out of the house to investigate all the noise the hen was making

The mother hen was clucking and screeching in distress and running circles around the pond while the duckies were having the time of their lives.

This happened a few more times before Momma hen was like FUCK IT YOU WANNA SWIM SEE WHAT I CARE , and would sit a distance away watching them in the pond.

if the ducks ever abandoned any eggs my grandmother would always put it under that particular hens nest cause from then on she always knew how to deal with her “water loving” delinquent children

BEST ADOPTED MUM

“Half my children are fucking idiots but they’re my children and i love them”