the irish prime minister gave biden a "shamrock bowl" but as far as i can tell this isnt like... a thing? they have sprigs of clover in their suits? this seems insane

we as a society need to put more focus on robotic love interests who are quite literally just giant fucking computers. this girl is a big blocky machine. takes up a whole room. not a single limb in sight. everything she says is barely comprehensible because her voice sounds so weird. yes it does make her 50x sexier

who is glados

Daily checklist of affirmations:

i think we could achieve communism through loons

i meant loona.

monkey business

monkey business

monkey business

monkey business

monkey business

monkey funniness

^^^^^monkey funniness

i learned that the world record for the loudest thing ever shouted belongs to an Irish female teacher who shouted the word “quiet” at 121 decibels, the equivalent of a jet engine (x)

DISGUSTANG

oh my god?

Okay please read this whole article because there is important information in ther, including;

1. She never yells at her students- her record breaking 121 decibel shout happened during an event she’d been invited to. She was defending her title after setting the previous shouting record during a competition at a church camp, where she got to 119.4 decibels 

2. The only reason she entered the first competition was because her twin sister had entered and was about to win with a shout of 119.1 decibels. 

3. They took her to an expert to try to understand how she shouted so very loud and his conclusion was that her supernatural volume was fueled entirely by her need to beat her sister. 

That’s just how siblings are.

It really is

More people should know about Creepypodsta

A few years ago, My Friend Jeff(tm) who hates horror started a creepypasta discussion podcast as a joke, continued making episodes b/c people liked it, and ended up making the best horror lit discussion podcast I've ever heard. It ran for 200 episodes. Nobody has heard of it.

:)

#ironic that his name is jeff

oh they got some mileage outta that for sure

your opponent is the most selected option. please don't spoil anything in the tags

i am 18 years old and i go to sleep at 8 and i eat my vegetables and my favorite movie came out in 1990 and i cut my own hair to save money and i have hearing aids and i distrust technology and i watch the news for fun and oh my god im an old man. im a father.

MY NAME IS FRED. MY NAME IS FUCKING FRED.

the name i use irl is al. do you fucking hear me.

ok. listen. it’s about your girlfriend. you know how we thought she was a crop-blighting witch and we were planning to stone her? so, here’s the thing. every stone we threw drew not blood but like, the black and fathomless rage of a race of titans that were once slain but could not die. and she like, rose from her hastily-shoveled roadside grave as their resubstantiated champion or something. yeah, we’re suffering the onslaught of her vengeance right now. yeah. I guess we inadvertently created that which we had so feared. yeahh. could you like, answer her texts and ask if she’ll stop sloughing our flesh with her baleful gaze every time she sees us. thx in advance

you’re simping. calves are stillborn in the fields, food rots on the plate, holy symbols for miles around are tarnished black, and you’re simping.

DAMN RIGHT WE ARE. YOU SOWED. YOU REAP.

He doesn’t even have the cup or the scepter

Now that Avatar is on Netflix in the US I get to enjoy all these gags again surrounding Toph’s blindness. It honestly impressed me how it was seriously humorous they were able to make these punchlines without it feeling jarring or downright off putting basing humor around someone’s visual disability.

However, they pulled it off so amazingly well. Looking forward to taking a trip down memory lane.

it’s so funny because the fact that Toph is blind isn’t generally the punchline, the punchline usually is that everyone forgets that she is blind 

You know, it's very funny that the right-wing had a fat bug up its ass about "virtue signalling" when they can't stop doing shit like this

It's like: yes, thank you. you have expensive kit and an agreeable muscle-to-fat ratio and you have the same opinion most other people have. thank you for signalling your virtue to us. We know that you are a good american boy. Liked shared and subscribed.

You have signaled your virtues and the signal has been received loud and clear, thank you. You really want us to know you're ready to hurt bad people.

except. I gotta say.

why did you go to all that effort only to wear these fuckin little boy shoes

Magpul PMAG is about 2.5" across. Measuring the pixel count in this, front to back on the showing side of the pmag is about 32 pixels. That means each inch is 12.8 pixels. Measuring from between his feet to the point in the helmet where his head would stop, using the position of his night vision as a reference, this man's height is 849 pixels. Divide 849 by 12.8 and you get 66.32". This man is Five feet, Six inches tall.

idk how my parents can live they way they do. how are you a nine inch nails fan but also homophobic

what did you think this song was about

Yeah

slasher horror: you better not have premarital sex or gerald "the stabber" douglas is gonna getcha

creepypasta: once there was a teen named alex and he was bullied so hard that he and the acid disfigured him so and he started killing everyone so they call him george the attacker

/x/: there was the skinwalker who stole my best friend's voice and then man door hand hook car door

r/nosleep: my wife was hungry for raw meat and then she gave birth to The Satan. he looked me in the eyes and said "don't go outside past midnight or else the eyeless ones might notice." but it turns out i never had a wife or son and the world ended 5 years ago on this very night.

r/twosentencehorror: i ran out of bloodmilk for my cereal. luckily, the creature provides.

mascot horror: this is silly wiggles, the candy giraffe! explore the silly wiggles candy emporium after dark! the secret ingredient is Love™! also the hidden video tapes will reveal that "Love™" is actually the copyright name for the consciousness of tortured children, mixed with the ground organs of factory workers.

indie horror: i can't describe this, there are only 7 pixels so idk what's going on