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Phil's Houseplant

@the-amazing-plant-is-not-on-fire

hello i am phillip michael lester's houseplant
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actualbabe
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actualbabe

peter b parker is the ultimate case of super smart/‘gifted’ in school kid with ridiculously high expectations and self-imposed standards who burns out and becomes deeply depressed and that’s why he’s so relatable to millenials send tweet

miles, who has anxiety but doesn’t know it: every kid is The Way I Am it’s normal to think everyone is judging you

peter, age 37, on his 5th panic attack of the day: miles you fucking dumbass

dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad
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dawsonscreekwasalwaysbad

spider-man during the credits of into the spider-verse going “why did i agree to do this christmas album… i have a degree in chemical engineering” has the same energy as scott lang in ant-man saying “i have a master’s degree in electrical engineering, i’m gonna be fine finding a job” and the movie immediately cutting to “welcome to baskin robbins”

wearethatoneperson
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wearethatoneperson

in honor of the psat, here’s all the shit i’ve seen people do after finishing standardized tests

  • one guy colored all 7 of his pencils black with a sharpie
  • the same guy then proceeded to color the bottom of his stark white shoes pitch black
  • one girl who braided her hair maybe 20 times
  • multiple people sleeping
  • a dude who went through the whole reading section in two minutes selecting random answers then passed out
  • a group of guys seeing how many curse words they could mouth to each other without getting caught
  • some girl who replaced the batteries in her calculator 37 times (i counted)
  • two guys in the back who texted each other through their calculators
  • a boy in middle school who after finishing broke all of his pencils in half until he had about 20 small useless pencils
  • a girl who repeatedly tried to shoot her hair tie at the teacher (she only hit him once and he didn’t notice)
  • another girl who was trying to blow the biggest bubble with her gum and ended up having to go to the bathroom because it went up her nose
  • one of my friends who drew tattoos up and down both of her arms with sharpie (it didn’t come out for two weeks)
  • another kid who did the same thing but on hands and legs
  • a couple in the room that had a fight by mouthing words back and forth (found out after they broke up that same day)
  • two guys who tried to erase their skin and the first one to bleed won

and finally

a girl who literally brought nail polish and painted her nails a lovely shade of purple after she finished

feel free to add whatever shit you’ve seen

guy
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illinicoise

I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out as Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me.

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aviculor

I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off as Creepy: a feature-length film with two sequels and a TV series adaption.

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gipsiidanger

I Was Trying To Tell You I Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel saga with several side book adaptions and a movie.

tyleroakley
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d1rtypaws

I hate that the Dairy Queen cashiers have to flip your blizzard upside down before giving it to you. I hate it. I know it’s most likely going to stay in it’s cup and I know I get a free one if it doesn’t, but the cocktail of a potential disaster and the cashier apologizing to what is most definitely a horrified me, having to sit in a drive-thru while someone behind me just bore witness to my fucking salted caramel blondie blizzard splattering on the asphalt, melting away while they mix me another one and i pray to god that they don’t flip it upside down again, is just a stress that I find entirely unnecessary. I trust it’s thick, just give me your word and i’ll be on my merry way.

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d1rtypaws

I just imagined how it would feel to have them flip your second blizzard and have it spill too and I felt my shoulders physically tense

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mrgulogulo

I’ve only been to DQ like 3 times in my life but the 2nd time I ordered a milkshake or something and I heard about DQ drinks not spilling when you flip them. I was not aware that this ability was only relegated to their blizzards. So long story short I said “hey, look at this” to my family and they watched me pour my milkshake on the ground.

guy
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jennamourey
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lovepsychothefirst

#listen I don’t watch Jenna Marbles#I’ve never subscribed to hr channel#but there’s one thing about her that I absolutely respect#she does NOT clickbait#she fucking COMMITS to whatever bull shit she says she’s gonna do#90% of her video titles LOOK like clickbait#but then the video is EXACTLY what the title says#how many balloons does it take to life my chihuahua off the ground#I DON’T KNOW JENNA WHY DON’T YOU FIND OUT#spends entire video reporting on increasingly annoyed Party City employees#as she ties over 100 helium balloons to a sling that her dog falls asleep in#while floating 4 feet above the ground#because she fucking found out how many balloons it took#‘MY DOG RATES SOAP’ says the video title#her Italian Greyhound has some kind of soap licking neurosis and shows clear preferences#by the end of the video her dog does indeed have a favorite brand of soap#I EAT DOG TREATS WITH MY DOGS#literally does exactly that and actually enjoys like 2 of them#I don’t follow her at all but DAMN does Jenna Marbles not fuck around#she just … does exactly what she says she will#like some kind of chaotic entity that combats clickbait by being exactly as absurd as the marketing implies

I love her so much

tyleroakley

Bibbity bobbity boo!

I had my own fairy godmother this weekend at comic con. So magical.

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justhere4coffee

I slowed the actual transformation down 200% so you can see just how brilliant it is… From the first sign of the ballgown to completely changed takes less than 3 seconds. That is some epic-level crafting.

@justhere4coffee thank you! Wanted it to be as quick a transformation as possible!