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It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America

I THOUGHT AFTER FOUR YEARS YOU PEOPLE WOULD LET THIS DIE AND YET AGAIN I OPEN THIS CURSED APP TO FIND MORE NOTES ON THIS POST

Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."

I laughed. "Does that happen often?"

"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

Was golf created for the sole purpose of hoarding ridiculously large amounts of land just to brag about how little they use it?

that was one of the shortest hospital stays of my life, but the highlight of the whole event is that i got the paramedics to read homestuck and listen to lemon demon.

ngl, i'm lucky i got a pic cause otherwise even i would think i'm lying.

John.

what's up?

this reads like a post i would see in 2014. i feel transported

1/30/22

ok but op how did this come about. were you so boring to treat that they asked for webcomic recommendations. did you promise to calm down if they recited your holy texts. what

i was stabbed a little and i thought if he read homestuck to me i'd fade out quicker. i'm kinda ugly so he agreed.

OP ARE YOU OK???? WHAT IS "A LITTLE"???

You see, this is the type of interaction that literally could not happen on any other website.

A bearcat (binturong) or as I’m going to call them, a long panda, are a species of viverrid similar to no other animal I have ever heard of but they’re basically one of those species that evolved into mustelids without being mustelids. And can look like cars, possums on in this case a scruffy long panda.

[Video description: a tiktok of a cat on a couch or bed meowing quietly at the person holding the camera. Its eyes are downturned so that it looks sad, but its body language and tone of meowing indicates it is not actually distressed. /end desc]

finally, we found him, the poor little meow meow

tis the season

I forgot about this

I haven’t seen this show up on my dash ONCE yet this Chanukah season I have to do everything by myself

He sounds exactly like Bob from Bob’s Burgers

I was like "How can a video of a couple being excited about their Christmas decoration be almost forty seconds long?" And oh my.

OH MY GOD! 🤣

I actually Laughed Out Loud!

Oh my god 🤣

triops are one of my all-time fave little guys

#congrats on making it back to the cambrian

Someone in my life has accused me of intentionally sabotaging them. How do I tell them that I've literally never cared about them or anything they do enough to do that

"I know what you're doing! You're not fooling anybody! You've been against me from the start!" Girl who are you

Ho: You've spent months on this devious scheme. Carefully planning, plotting, scheming against me. You act so innocent. Everyone else buys it. But not me. No, I can see the truth. Your elaborate plans within plans, your convoluted machinations, will fail. Because I am stronger than you. Faster than you. Smarter than you. Ours will be a bloody battle, but in the end, I shall be the one who stands victorious. You have made a powerful enemy. You leech. You snake.

Me, after rolling out of the pile of laundry I've been sleeping on for the past three days at 12:43pm noon and shotgunning 2 redbull for breakfast: (blinking out of sync) whagt

Gotta feel bad for anyone who considers me their enemy cause I am way too dumb and way too lazy to be fucking with them on purpose. I once got lost inside a sleeping bag and had a panic attack

Someone straight up hit me with their car once and the first thing I did was apologize

op didn’t add a link so here’s a link to his patreon where all of his minis are free to download please support him if you can

An important tweet

i took a break from the comic and was taking lore with a friend, and said lore reminded them of a meme, soooo then it may have spiraled to just, drawibg sun and moon as memes. it was a nice break -v-

Keep forcing myself to eat the gross jellybeans at the bottom of the bag because We Finish Our Plate In This House Young Lady and have to keep reminding myself that it's okay. I can throw them out. They cost very little and have no nutritional value. Why am I gritting my teeth through jellybeans when I pay rent

Eating all the nasty junk food first so I can enjoy the good junk food after is a symptom of something

can someone please tell me what the fuck I just saw

this guy is just keeping a shit ton of eels in a storm drain? There's a water filtration system down there? the water is clear?? there's crawfish?? they possibly ate the other crawfish??? there's an aquarium above the pool???? he's just tossing animals in there to be eaten maybe???

what kind of pit is this? what happens when it rains, do the eels get washed away? what's with the aquarium?? Is this like a well on his property or city infrastructure???

context

source is i follow this guy on tiktok

the eel pit is a rain reservoir under his house, yes its his, yes hes allowed to do this

hes set up a filtration system so that all water going in is safe for the fishies and its an reservoir so theyre not getting wooshed away anywhere

its come pretty far along now, and theyre all doing well

the pit also has a few catfish now, and a couple crayfish

everything in the pit is named

the eels are mostly named eel puns and he can in fact tell them apart

one of the eels is named crunchwrap supreme and that one seems to be his favourite, as it he can hand feed it and its friendly with him

as for Why he made this into an eel pit the answer is basically he works at a fish husbandry store and he always wanted a bunch of eels

see im behind on updates hes added gar now

listen

#talk about memes incomprehensible without context

“When he’s in a good mood he comes up the stairs singing”

(via)

This boy really announcing his presence like a zelda key item

“Ba-badaBA…TA-DAA!!!!”

I also like it when they're like hey what's up or something personal/natural instead of the welcome to wherever how can I serve you bit.

I also like it when they are sitting down or listening to music they clearly enjoy

There is something so nourishing about walking into a place of business and immediately thinking "huh, I wouldn't have guessed this place would be playing this kind of music" only to see an employee absolutely head-banging along because today is their day to pick the CD and they are living

Despite what capitalists might think, I do not want to roleplay being royalty in the presence of slaves when I seek professional assistance in obtaining my basic human needs.

as a human being who enjoys having a good time, I enjoy seeing other human beings having a good time, and will actively choose options where I can enable good times to happen