Yup

Judi isn’t fucking around!

My fiancé just whispered in my ear, “you’re my secret Santa”

so I said “what?”

And he went, “ah shit I meant soulmate”

The boy forgot the word for soulmate and his brain thought, “it’s called secret Santa”

How does anyone hate kids they are so funny I sold tickets to incredibles to this little girl and her mom and she’s like mom are we sitting next to each other and the moms like ya and the kid screamed YES so loud it broke my ears

The other day I was bringing an older gentleman up the hill in a golf cart and we drove past this huge YMCA group of kids like 100 kids and driving past the first chunk like 10 of them yelled out “let me on” in unison and then since I’m driving so slowly to be safe, halfway in some kid leaned up and said “do you play fortnite” and I told him I played a little and he just pointed and shouted “THIS GUY PLAYS FORTNITE” and then like 20 kids started talking to me all at once about fortnite

A kid asked me if I lived in the ambulance. I said yes.

The hero we deserve

When I was on register at Kohl’s a little girl came through with her grandma and she was so very excited to tell me the meaning of her name (I think it was like warrior of god) and she begged her grandma for her phone so she could google to find out what my name means too

i wear two spinner rings on one finger and one time at my last job a young girl (probably 6-8) said “your ring is very pretty” and when i showed her it was two rings she GASPED and said “does that mean you’re marrying two people?!”

I have this necklace with a mermaid on it that I wear to work a lot and I got asked by a kid if it gave me magic powers. I leaned in real close and told her in a low voice it gave me magical girl powers but it was a secret. She got this real serious look on her face and said to her mom “that lady has superpowers, don’t tell anyone or the government will take her away”.

The other day i had to give a speech at my school despite my horrific fear of public speaking and afterwards i had kid come up to me and say well done to me. It was so cute.

god I love tiny kids

there was a kid in one of our science camps and he spent the whole week in a lab coat and goggles screaming “CHEMICALS” at the top of his lungs. he wouldn’t even tell us his name for the first two days just screamed CHEMICALS instead.

I was watching these kids at church today and one of them screamed and threw a toy car into the wall and it broke and the other one looked over calmly and said “does your insurance cover that?”

me: okay, that’s enough. i can’t live like this. i gotta change my life. i gotta make moves

the world: ok here is an Opportunity

me:

this is the most beautiful thing i have ever heard

Sorry all I can think about is how pissed off everyone else in this dorm must be

what is this song i should know this i feel like a dumbass

“Binary Sunset” from Star Wars.

And man, is this gorgeous.

this is my favorite piece of soundtrack orchestration, hands down, in any movie, ever.

Shit imagine going up to your dorm and suddenly you hear that from downstairs like I’d be following the sound of it ready to discover a lightsaber in a box for me to start my journey lmao

source

only americans know the true pain of hearing this

Imagine kid you watching your favorite kids’ network. It goes to commercial. Every single time it cuts to commercial this whole thing plays in its entirety. You’ve seen it so much you know every word, every piece of music, all the words and the exact entonation in which they say it

That’s hell. Having the Shirley temple little darling dvd collection commercial permanently ingrained in your brain.

it has been many years since i have seen this commercial, and i can recite it word for word. op, what have you done

Why am i laughing so hard?

THE FUCKING HANDS

GIVE HIM THE FISH

Looking at it again I like the torn paper in the background suggesting that the cat busted his way into the room

Wait for it

Top ten anime betrayals of all time

I literally laugh every time.

happy halloween! here is a ghost duet

I love this so much. I always play it when it comes on

how cute

My face when the Dairy Queen worker flips my blizzard upside down

i just had the absolute WORST realization

glee would have covered despacito

u know what tweet always makes me lose It

me: no arctic monkeys lyric will ever top “i wanna be your vacuum cleaner” ever. full stop.

arctic monkeys: ~ kiss me underneath the moon’s side boob ~

me: 

breakfast

lunch

dinner

dessert

cool what the FUCKING HECK does this mean tho

has. has no one else seen these. gen zillenials where u at

I know what these are, I dont know the real names.