I am so depressed right now. The house is really really past an acceptable level of mess with dishes and laundry (like we donāt have enough to eat off and running out of clean clothes). I canāt walk because of the sheer amount of shit everywhere now that EVERY SINGLE THING from the bottom floor is sitting around everywhere up here. Iām depressed about my mom and feeling once again the starkness of how alone I really am. My pain keeps getting worse and worse (for years it was like a steady level of pain with some clear flare ups / baseline levels and in the last few months it has shot way past my previous flare ups and stayed there). The kids need and need and need so much and I burned part of dinner tonight playing with Elliot but still got it on the table and it was pretty good but I was snapping and rude and I apologized to Trent for snapping āIām sorry Iām just so overwhelmed right now itās not youā and he responded by literally shouting at me so I went upstairs and ate alone. And while he apologized for shouting he said we need some alone time so after the kids are in bed I guess Iāll watch tv or something. Iām permanently so tired and in so much pain that I never actually relax or feel better. Iāll just be sitting there thinking about the work I should be doing.
Iām justā¦ depressed.
