im in a committed relationship to a beautiful woman called the bit

long hair on a man is the worlds most powerful aphrodisiac

why... did you reblog the post then.

this is literally my post

hey bro you want to go mini golfing w me

yes :)

omg u got a hole in one !

omg yaaaaay !!!! hahahaa ! lalalaaaa~

yayyyyy! yayyyy! WHEEEEEE!!!!!

When we’re new to adulthood, it doesn’t immediately occur to all of us that you’re almost always allowed to leave a situation, because growing up we’re forced to stay in situations until someone dismisses us and/or takes us home, or if we do leave on our own accord there’s someone waiting at home to say “we don’t quit in this family!” Boring party? You can leave. You don’t like the lecture? You can walk out. New doctor not working out? You can end the appointment, you don’t need to wait for them to dismiss you. Bad date? You can just go home. Leaving a situation prematurely might have consequences, but unless you’re under arrest or serving prison time, it’s pretty much always allowed.

–commenter Allison @ askamanager

A while back, I called for a Lyft ride home from the airport. The lyft pulled up, he called my name, and I opened the door and climbed in. While I was climbing in he was getting out, which I didn’t realize until he opened the back door on the other side.

Him: I’ll put your bag in the trunk. Me: Oh, there’s no need.  Him: I’ll just put it back there.  Me: I prefer to keep my bag with me.

I was also still holding onto it so he couldn’t just grab it, and when I said “I prefer to keep it with me” this cloud of rage crossed his face.

Him: Then get out.  Me: Excuse me? Him: Get out, I don’t want your bag fucking up my upholstery.

Now, this was a weekender – essentially an upscale duffle bag. Small, almost brand new, easily fitting on the middle-seat beside me. I don’t know if he was just really intense about his upholstery or if he was running some kind of scam, but either way I now DEFINITELY was not going to let him separate me from my bag.

So I said “Okay,” and I picked up my bag and got out, took out my phone, and cancelled him as my driver.

He looked at me like I’d grown a second head. There was this moment of total disconnect in his face, and then he started ranting about how someone had damaged his upholstery and they needed to put their bags in the back and he wasn’t going to have me getting his upholstery dirty. 

I said, “I’m out of your car. Drive on, I’ll get another,” and held up my phone.

This had clearly never happened before – it looked like plenty of people had thought “This guy is crazy” but went the “so I’d better let him do what he wants” route instead of “so I’m getting out of his car”. Which is totally normal! We’re socialized to prioritize “not making a scene” over personal safety. But when you do call that bluff, when you defy the social convention that the other person is counting on to make you do what they want you to do, they don’t know how to react, which gives you time for a clean getaway. And maybe he thought I was a dickhead but what do I care what an asshole thinks of me? 

Anyway the moral of the story is yes, you should know that you can almost always leave a situation and often it’s in your best interest to do so. 

(Right after I called for another car he picked up a fare using Quick Match or whatever it’s called, peeled out of the Lyft lane, and hit another car well nigh immediately.)

[ID: The Benefits of walking away. (Illustration of the back of a person walking away. ) 1. Makes bad things disappear quickly. 2. Gives everyone optimal view of your back. 3. Answers question, “I wonder what would happen if I just walked away”]

There’s even a handy little theme song you can sing in your head as you exit.

Can a pro piracy girl and a pro physical media boy really fall in love

Yeah she pirates it and he converts it to physical media it's a match made in heaven and they're t4t also

i lowkey ship tumblr ♠ twitter now

the twitter users are coming QUICK post twitblr yaoi

I have never made art faster in my life

it’s because they’re divorced

Man this goes hard feel free to screenshot 💔😰💔💔😰

The mods are asleep, post Tumblr x Twitter art

Okay okay but this is fascinating because it's such a visceral example of how mythology works.

Most characters in mythologies are personifications of concepts, or embody some natural phenomenon - like the story of Hades and Persephone is there to explain why the seasons change, Persephone being spring, Demeter - summer, and the absence of them both resulting in death (Hade's domain) and winter, and so we can't have Persephone stay in underworld all year round or have Demeter steal her back to earth permanently, otherwise they myth would lose its core function.

Interpreting the myth without the lense of the natural phenomena that it explains would make it lose an integral part of itself, and therefore make the plot and characters seem strange or unnatural. Why does Demeter hate Hades so much, seeing how so many mothers are okay with Zeus doing atrocious things to their offspring just because he's Zeus? Does Persephone actually want to stay or not? What's with the bizarre arrangement?

Most modern interpretations strip myths of their natural contexts, making them character-driven instead of phenomena-driven, which just makes them land differently - they can still be fine stories, just not myths, not is the traditional sense.

And now we get to this beauty. This is absolutely a myth, the most classical kind. The relationship between characters, who are personifications of objects, phenomena or concepts (in this case, online platforms) used as an intuitively understood metaphor for an event (the demise of Twitter and the Tumblr userbase being unwilling to accept Twitter's userbase).

It's a story that can work as a so-called "explanation myths". We have seasons because Persephone spends half a yesterday underworld and half a year with her mother. We don't like Twitter because the Twitter God and Tumblr God broke up. Ladies and gents and other assorted respectables, we here are witnessing the creation of a perfect modern myth.

Okay but which of them took the shoelaces in the divorce?

I thought about it way more than a non-feverish me would, and I've come to the conclusion:

The modern myth that is The Divorce of Tumblr and Twitter carries the themes of regression, corruption and downfall. Some of Twitter userbase used to be part of Tumblr userbase, but they left and changed (corruption). Now that Twitter is becoming uninhabitable (downfall), people are trying to return to Tumblr (regression, possible downfall of Tumblr), and to keep them off Tumblr is returning to its old cringe self (regression).

So, if we are to follow the themes, the logical conclusion would be to send the shoelaces back to the president.

This is the fastest I've ever written I think

There once lived a young man, handsome as daylight, bright and strong. He was known as Twitter, beloved by the people, a favorite of the gods. His chosen companion, Tumblr, was not dear to the people or the gods. He, a traveling storyteller, preferred solitude. His tales were strange and often unpleasant to the ears, but enchanting in their vulgarity. 

One day, Tumblr's patron goddess, Yahoo, enraged by his vulgar words, put a curse on him. He was not to utter vulgarities, speak of the pleasures of the flesh. His stories of lycanthrope companions were lost to the sands of time, and with them, his last listeners turned away from him. 

Twitter watched others laugh at his beloved, turn him away from their doors, and a dark thought settled over him. He was perfect in every way, his only fault was the affiliation with the cursed taleweaver. And so, little by little, they drifted apart. 

In his travels, Tumblr stumbled into the temple of Apollo, who bestowed upon him the gift of prophecy. He made acquaintance with the trifecta of wise temple maidens who induced visions through hallucinogenic incense. His stories changed, still bizarre and often vulgar, but at times full of wonder and truth. 

At that time, Twitter enjoyed all the luxuries of the mortal world. He was the companion of kings, wealthy merchants, legendary heroes, wise philosophers. 

One day, a man richer than rich, richer than the God of wealth, went to the senate of directors and asked to buy the most precious thing in the entire polis. 

The senate thought long and hard, and said: "do you wish for our finest singer, the most sweet-voiced of the land, Spotifia? I am afraid I cannot part with her. "

"No, " said the rich man, his voice cold and harsh, "I said I have come to buy your most precious thing."

"Have you come for our gambler, the chosen of the god of luck, MAXimil? They earn us more riches than you can offer. I shall not part with them. "

"No," the rich man repeated, "I have come to buy your most precious thing. I have come for Twitter."

The senators laughed, then, for they knew this must be a joke. Twitter was too beloved by the gods to be owned as a servant. But the rich man did not smile. He offered money, then more and more still. As the goddess of hubris clouded his mind, he offered more money than he could afford to spend, more than the senate could afford to refuse, for it was enough gold to form armies five times the size of their polis. 

And so Twitter, the proud Twitter, the untouchable Twitter who laughed at kings and scholars alike, became a servant. 

As he was put onto a gilded ship to be sailed off to the rich man's land, he prayed to the gods that granted him beauty and strength and a sharp tongue, but none answered. His cruelty and vanity made them turn away, and he was too full of his power to notice. 

Finally, the young man remembered one more name. He called for Tumblr, his forgotten companion. 

First time he called, the birds took off and flew in all directions. Second time he called, the animals fled in fear. Gathering all the strength he had, he called a third time.

His call shook the earth and the skies, and in an instant, Apollo's taleweaver stood on the shore. 

Twitter cried in relief. "My love!" he called, "save me! Save me, and I shall be yours for the eternity to come. I shall bask you in glory and riches. I shall make the people love you."

Tumblr looked at the rich old man, at the gilded ship, gilded chains, at the other slaves that were meant to please the rich man during his trip, dressed in the finest clothes fit for kings and immortals. 

"You'll like your new life, dear. " said Tumblr. "You are idle: he shan't make you do much. You are prideful: he shall treat you like a god. You are vain, and so you might fear you might be forgotten, one servant among many. Fear not," he smiled. "I shall sing a song of us."

I AM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT BEAST I WOULD CREATE WITH THE DIVORCE THING OH MY GOSH

Okay but adding onto this because I think its interesting: myths like these tend to also come with morals or lessons to take away. (The story of Icarus for example, or the story of Oedipus)

I think there's multiple morals that one can take from what Writing-is-a-martial-art made! so, here's a list of some of the morals someone could take away from this:

you can probably tell that the last one probably has the most evidence for it.

anyways i'm now gonna go think up some more stories about social media platforms because this is fun

(like?? what if steam had a story? what if there was a story based off of all those tumblr scams? the possibilities are endless!)

i bet the fishing scene on the banks of the river styx is insane

"but why would there be fish in the river of the dead"

(blood + flashing + yttd emotion route spoiler warning)

(yt link)

“Girls gays and theys” <- uninclusive while trying to be inclusive. Bad. Makes me uncomfortable.

“Ladies, gentlemen, and other distinguished guests” <- inclusive but far, far too formal

“Alrighty gamers” <- Incisive of everyone, informal, and fun to say.

“Everypony” <== pisses everyone off.  flawless

"Friends, enemies, and those still under review"

“OI! THE LOT OF YOU.” <—succinct, to the point, effective. 

"Attention K-Mart Shoppers" <- qualifies as vintage

'horseplay' and 'monkey business' being treated as synonyms means something. don't know what though

Monkeys are so silly that what they consider business, horses consider play.

frankly I think a lot more people would be open to postmodern art if we all stopped pretending you had to be very smart to understand it and start acknowledging that the starting point for deriving meaning from it is frequently ‘this is stupid bullshit’

To clarify- it’s not just ‘this is stupid’ and then you’re done, finding the meaning in something that seems meaningless can usually be found by starting with that base feeling, ‘This sucks.’ Okay- why does it suck, specifically?

‘This is just a vaccuum cleaner, it doesn’t belong in a museum’. Okay, follow that thread- why is that weird? Is it the elevation of normal commercial products to be put on a pedestal? Does that sentiment remind you of anything? How does that make you feel?

“This is just splatters, anyone could do this.” Anyone could, couldn’t they? Anyone can create things, anyone can make these movements and gestures. Dancing does the same thing, doesn’t it? How do the splatters imply the artist’s movements? What does it say about them?

“This person made a mobile out of twine, flower pots, and pictures of cats. How is this art?” What mediums do you define as ‘art’? Paint? Marble sculpture? Photos? Why are you so sure that this is what art is? Doesn’t this remind you of the kind of crafts a child would make, or maybe a first-time DIYer? Is that intentional? Does the construction or material evoke any other emotions?

This isn’t an end-all be-all, of course- among many other things, there’s postmodern art that’s just for a show of mastery, there’s art that’s commenting on a very certain time in history or about something within the art community you may not be privy to, and there’s art that’s simply about creating and the creative process. It’s hard to approach a full narrative with just a single sentiment. This can’t cover every single topic, obviously.

That being said, it’s just as important to note that in many cases, there’s no wrong answers in art or interpretation. If your takeaway is completely different from the artist, as long as you don’t try to insist that the artist has no real say over their work’s meaning, that’s totally fine. A large part of non-representational art is reliant on emotions, and emotions are informed by your experience as a human being. Your interpretation is just as right as anyone else’s. And you don’t even have to LIKE everything- I hate Jeff Koons and his stupid balloon dogs! Cremaster makes me incredibly uncomfortable and even if that’s the point it’s still uncomfortable enough that it makes me not like it! You can just not like certain art, it’s not all-or-nothing it’s good or it’s not.

TL;DR- if you have a hard time ‘getting’ art, try listening to your base reaction to what you’re looking at, and then ask yourself why it makes you feel that way, and why it’s constructed the way it is.

on one hand more people should remember that the OP can always see their tags. on the other hand there is no tumblr experience quite like opening your notes and seeing someone fully and openly talking about their blood drinking kink at 8am on a tuesday

Years on the internet and somehow i still click on comments sections with the insanely optimistic idea that I'll learn something new instead of being subjected to the dumbest motherfuckers online typing like their sole purpose in life is to make me want to end mine

"Wow, what an interesting post! I want to see what sort of fascinating discourse is being generated by the idea posited by the original poster" <- Me, operating under levels of delusion yet unexplained by modern science

Ship Dynamic: I'm not convinced these two are capable of a healthy relationship with anyone, so they might as well have an unhealthy relationship with each other.

i just think itd be funny if kittypets were a little more familiar to twoleg things such as: cars and bad words

I haven’t reblogged something related to Warrior cats since like 2012 but this is fucking hilarious

my main requirement in a partner is someone who's willing to "yes, and" me. if i say something completely insane i need them to just pick that up and run with it and commit to the bit until we wind up with a conversation that's funny to us but completely incoherent to everyone within earshot. actually now that i'm typing this out i've realised my ideal relationship might just be "shitty improv comedy duo"

I said something once and it didn’t really go very well

In case anyone is having a bad night:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now

All these links, besides the first, are broken. So here’s some more.

Here’s an emergency compliment

Here you can play 2048

Here’s a playlist of Bob ross

Here’s a website to watch movie’s and shows for free

Here’s a website to watch documentaries for free

Here you can to nothing for two minutes

Here you can break something. It’s good for anger

Here’s a button to press to make everything okay

Here’s a site to cut something up (TRIGGER WARNING)

Here’s a site that makes you a website depending on a song you choose

Here’s a gay comic. It’s adorable

Here you can spend Bill Gate’s money

Here you can draw your own island

Here you can learn about patterns website’s use

Here you can get your life stats

Here you can listen to the Tucker Zone (Headphones needed)

Here you can see how fast you’re moving

Here you can see the progress of time

Here you can see the future of the universe 

Want some more? 

Here’s the butterfly project

Here’s a snickerdoodle mug cake

Here’s a link to some free audiobooks

Here’s something to read when you feel like a burden

Here’s a secret

Here’s my playlist of some sea shanties 

Here’s another secret

Here’s a link to some cool websites 

Here’s a blog that gives you recipes for when you’re low on spoons

Here’s some Brony Headcanon’s

Some more? I’ve got plenty

Here’s 100,000 stars

Here you can control the weather (TW FLASHING IMAGES)

Here you can weave silk

Here you can make a castle of your own

Here you can make a kaleidoscope drawing

Here you can explore recursion

Here you can play a jelly block game

I’m back with some more! 

Here you can draw with pasta

Here you can draw logo’s from memory

Here you can play this is sand, here you draw cool sand designs

Here you can play The Organ Trail

Here’s a customizable white noise website

Here you can simulate gravity

Here you can create your own guardian of the galaxy

Here you can make your own galaxy

Here’s a website you can get some support at.

to find later

Here you can split circles into smaller and smaller pieces (I found this really satisfying)

Here you can have images of people point to where your pointer is

Here you can paint someone’s nails

Here you can grow a garden across your screen (Audio included)

Here you can try out all kinds of mind illusions (Trigger Warning: Flashing Lights)

Here you can see how many miles you have scrolled

Here you can watch a website load forever, although you might be getting enough of this on Tumblr mobile

Here’s a rickroll

Here you can remind yourself that you’re awesome.

Here you can throw trash into a dustbin only for it to bounce right back out (Audio included)

Here you can make sand dunes using sand (Audio included)

And here you can generate more cool websites like these

pinning thissss

And yet more!!!

Here you can listen to a gentle rainstorm

Here you can make snowflakes

Here is a Line Rider feature film with relaxing music

Here is the entire script to the Princess Bride (many don’t need it but it’s fun to read anyway)

Here is an abbreviated script for the entirety of Book 1 of A:TLA that I made out of anger at the film that definitely doesn’t exist

Here is a playlist of the top 10 most relaxing songs ranked according to science

Here’s a site where you can make a dude beatbox with fun animations

I’m fully aware I will need this at some point.