call my girl's hole the car door the way i'm slamming my penis in it

EXTREMELY RARE TUMBLR UPDATE W

It doesn’t even work

Oh thanks, they almost bribed me to update the app for this

She’s no man D:

I wanna kiss his little forehead before he simply chomps my head off

my AC has been out for a couple days and i've accordingly fallen into the niche yet ecologically vital role of guy who sits around in underwear and a-

okay well i paused to go find an alternate term and this isn't helping

awesome. so as i was saying i'm in my wop top

spongebob pantyshot

The wizard in your party only knows one spell. It’s effective, but even the assassin feels bad about it.

Billy i know it's you. This is getting pathetic

dude.... these 🤨 sunglasses

Looking at these makes me inexplicably violent

Clearly, you don't own an air fryer.

I really can't emphasize enough how much I don't care if the anecdotes people tell on here are true. We are sitting around a campfire telling tall tales, embellishments and flights of fancy are part of the fun

When the man at the bait shop tells you he almost caught a bass thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig you don't write a callout post accusing him of gaslighting

how the fuck am i supposed to live my life knowing that this exists and i can't have it

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE. A CHILD?

FAMILY

Item: sassy animated furniture

moodboard

Amazing app

baby girl turn up the eurobeat i can still hear the car rims grating against the curb