The M.C. Master

Don't read the comments on IDLES music videos if you're at work, they're too funny

a customer just came in and ordered a flat white with six (6) shots in it. for clarity thats like.. a full cup of espresso with maybe an inch of milk sitting on top. this mf is trying to meet the hat man

This is so sad

i hate when other people are funnier than me.

Alright was no one going to tell me that in the middle of the Nevada desert is an old cemetery that contains the bodies of a bunch of miners who died in a fire and next door is a haunted clown motel

Why are we still setting horror movies in generic Victorian houses in the woods when this is a real place in the world

Doing a 100% run in Skyrim is hilarious. I'm a vampire, a werewolf, a cannibal and a vampire hunter. I work for the empire and the rebellion. I just became archmage of the college I enrolled in two days ago. I'm the leader of the Blades, the Companions, the Thieves Guild and the Dark Brotherhood of Assassins. Yesterday I cut a ghost's head off and it died.

I'm Thane of every hold in Skyrim, but all the Jarls hate my guts. They call me a miserable wretch and then offer me the nicest house in the city. I personally assassinated the Emperor, brought him back as a zombie and successfully negotiated a peace treaty with his generals while he wandered around the room snarling and moaning. I've gotten married to every single eligible bachelor and bachelorette in the country and they keep saying yes even though my previous spouses all died mysteriously while getting hit in the head with my enchanted war hammer. I'm pretty sure my horse is a daedra.

Everybody says the elder scrolls are powerful artifacts from before the dawn of time that have been lost to history, but I have two of them in my backpack next to my collection of severed witch heads and a couple of pies. The pies are a treat for my adopted children whom I love with all my heart, I haven't seen them in a while because I forgot which of my mansions I left them in. I have pledged my immortal soul to five different daedric princes.

I'm a serial killer. I'm a legendary hero. I'm an abomination in the eyes of gods, men and mer. I'm a delivery boy.

I am Dragonborn.

help

Giving mom a kiss before bedtime.

Four cubs? She has FOUR healthy, happy cubs??? I’m 🥺😭❤

[Mario coin noises]

Mario: [italian american New York Brooklyn accent] HERE’SA MY BROTHA LUIGI NOW TA TELL YA A WHOLE HEAP AND A SPAGHETTI PILE OF INFORMASCIONI.

Luigi: [inhale] [normal person voice] Hello Mario.

Rare photos from trans history: Olympic runner and Zdeněk Koubek styles Cinda Glenn’s hair, 1936. Koubek was one of the first trans men to gain international fame after he transitioned in 1935.

this is inspiring weirdly complex emotions in me. like, it’s the fucking 1930s. I can hear the mid-atlantic newsreel voice. the fact that it plays coy with why he knows so much about women’s hairstyles, but like, as a funny surprise, not as shock and horror. the fact that it never deadnames him or uses incorrect pronouns. the fact that he looks like Mickey Rooney. idk it’s just making me feel feelings.

My fave part of Naruto is when Lee shows up with his bowl haircut and kicks Sasuke’s ass dirty in front of his only two friends and then kicks Gaara’s ass Infront of a whole stadium and his family.

Nhật Bình. Credit to Đường Yên Dương.

The neurodivergent urge to do this

Put this in the history books

happy 10 years

this is the money garf. reblog for untold pasta and riches to come your way