One year ago today (9.20.20) I lost my little brother and best friend. It was the day I joined the club no one wants to be a part of - the dead siblings club - the day my family changed forever. I’ve experienced plenty of loss prior to losing Nick, but none was as painful and hard as losing my little brother. I’m struggling to figure out exactly what I want to say, but I know Nick’s in Heaven and is surrounded by family. This past year I’ve felt so many emotions - sadness, pain, anger, guilt, numbness, etc. I’ve learned that the grief process is never-ending and not linear. I’ve learned I will grieve for the rest of my life.
A year ago, Nick left to go to a “buddy’s” house to watch a fight on TV. I remember saying “Drive safely” to him before he went. Turns out Nick bought “cocaine” from this “buddy.” Nick came home later that night, and I didn’t see him because I had already gone to bed when he got home. Sunday afternoon, we found Nick dead in his bed. What Nick didn’t know is that his “buddy”/dealer had sold him cocaine laced with fentanyl. Prior to Nick’s death, I had no idea what fentanyl was, and I didn’t know that drug dealers mixed it in with other drugs because it’s cheaper. It blows my mind that people would value a few dollars over a human person’s life. For those who don’t know, fentanyl is a synthetic opioid; the amount of fentanyl it takes to kill someone is less than a grain of salt. Nick had over 8x the amount in his system it would take to kill a person. He stood no chance to live.
I guess I’m writing this to raise awareness of the opioid, more specifically fentanyl, epidemic in this country. Nowadays, if you buy drugs off the street or off of social media, you are literally playing Russian roulette with your life. You do not know what is in that drug, and chances are, you’ll die. Please educate your children and friends about this. One pill can end your life and cause your family and friends endless pain. Now, Nick wasn’t perfect; he was only human. He made mistakes. He bought the drugs, but he didn’t deserve to die. He had a full, wonderful life ahead of him. My family will never get to celebrate another birthday with him. I will never get to have the future experiences between siblings with him. He’ll never get to have his own children.
I pray that my sharing will help someone else be spared the pain of losing a loved one like this. I pray that Nick’s up there watching over us, and I pray that my family can find peace.
Nick’s Big Sister - Forever23