(201): I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
(701): Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
(+61): I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
(812): UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
(813): His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
(414): Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
(707): I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
(701): Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
(501): The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
(903): I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
(416): I think I gave a random lady a dildo (587): Again?!
(507): do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
(617): I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
(617): I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
(541): At the bar in my pajamas again (1-541): Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
(603): He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.