being a horror fan that experiences panic inducing paranoia fucking sucks like ill just be like wow i cant wait to go watch scary shadow creature video number 74 and then spend the rest of the night clutching my phone with the flashlight on and playing five nights at freddys 4 in real life

me, as a kid: i can’t wait til i’m an adult so i can stay up late EVERY NIGHT

me, as an adult, crawling into bed at 6:30 pm: oh thank god

reminder

“lava” is what it’s called above the ground, and “magma”is what it’s called before it;’s adapted into japanese animation

someone on tumblr seeing people enjoying things: hmm did you know that creator of thing you are enjoying kicked a dog last week? don’t ask for sources just stop having a fun time

michael scott saying “not gonna make this one” and driving away after trying to parallel park in a space that could fit 4 cars is probably the biggest mood i have ever seen

sorry i forgot to reply i dont feel fucking alive

whoever’s reading this, i pray that you find happiness. not temporary happiness, or “if i pretend and put on a smile & laugh, maybe i’ll be happy” kind of happiness, but long lasting real happiness. the kind of happiness that makes ur face glow & lights up ur soul. you deserve it

[4th grader voice] “I have the shortest pencil!”

[sounds of children snapping pencils into fragmented pieces] “no, now I have the shortest pencil!”

[sounds of electric pencil sharpener go on for two minutes]

[brief pause as 9 year old examines how short his pencil has become]

[continued grinding sounds]

bf: says anything good about literally anything other than me even an inanimate object Me: go marry it then

two worms at dinner

worm 1: my oh my this tastes like dirt

worm 2: it is(:

worm 1: (:

why does mark ruffalo have insane chemistry with literally everyone except scarlett johansson

it’s almost like Joss Whedon forced the pairing in an insanely protectionist way with Banner as his self insert and ScarJo and Ruffalo both knew full well what he was doing…..

Or, hear me out… He’s a geek at heart who still gets tongue tied and withdrawn when he’s around the person he likes?

Joss please, we’re trying to have a serious conversation

We need a disney princess who’s a top!!!!!!

Mulan

you know what you’re absolutely right, post cancelled

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

ghostbusters?

taking over! i’m

virgin!

Posts like this make me realize that I never read anyone’s fucking url

rb w what ur local blockbuster was replaced with

mine is a Five Guys

not joking, it’s a church now

do you know how many bones the human body has? its 206. we start with 369 when we’re babies but they fuse. wouldn’t you want to go back? have as many bones as a baby? what if i could help you

hi yeah what the actual, literal, GENUINE fuck does this mean

i have learned not to disrespect pasta

I think I like Mulaney because he tells stories like how I tell stories: