i shall now listen to instrumentals and float far from here.
Yeah after the relationship ended shit has gotten much better in life. Anyways, I'm back home already due to Covid but that's all good. Feel like a more positive, open and less shy person and I'm about to face the biggest Challenge of my lifetime so far.
80% Chance I fail, but If i succeed my dream comes true. It's going to be a lot of pressure and a lot of fear but in the end It'll be fine. I'll make it.
And If i don't I'll hate my self for manifesting the thought/making myself believe I'd actually make it because I feel like that would be part of the reason why I didn't make it.
Anyways, the Idea of succeeding gives me shivers all over the place and goose bumps and I don't actually ever feel very hyped about stuff.
I can't believe it, I can't grasp it. I made it.
I'm one of 2% that make it thru the whole process, I passed that last one test 80% of people fail. As soon as I make myself aware of the fact I actually fucking made it I get those shivers, It feels like love and heat but not in the stomach, the whole body instead.
I've never dreamt of my dream actually coming true, trying was my way ensuring I won't ever regret not having tried it. I can't grasp how happy it makes me, i could cry tears of joy each day. Still I haven't been able to actually process the Information fully. It feels almost unreal, just the way you wouldn't accept someone vanishing out of life at first I can't fully accept it yet. I feel like there are plenty of happy emotions to come, only thing holding them back is the matter of fact this has been "just the start" of a hopefully long way, fuck it feels like I wanna do it forever. It's those random moments, under the shower, sitting at the desk at which I just start smiling randomly and feel this warm bit of accomplishment in life.
I'm afraid of failing sometime later along this way. Furthermore I've learnt the hard way that I function best when having a pessimistic mindset about a challenge. That's a bit of a burden for life but I shouldn't complain.
Here's a song for shivers!
“You know you are on the right track when you become uninterested in looking back.”
— Unknown (via meineluft)
do u ever wonder if people wonder about you? like maybe they saw something today that reminded them of u. or they heard ur name , or they just really miss u or ur voice. i just wonder who wonders about me
It's on my mind all the time.
What If I've actually become a new person?
The new music sounds old, things that were fun aren't anymore. Now that I found better sense in life I don't wanna lose it. But it's tough, it's like there is a black hole pulling me back to my old me.
Now that I enjoy this life less than before it's hard not to be sick of it.
I will have to find a new me which is okay with this life I'm back to, but still remains with my new mentality.
Yeah after the relationship ended shit has gotten much better in life. Anyways, I'm back home already due to Covid but that's all good. Feel like a more positive, open and less shy person and I'm about to face the biggest Challenge of my lifetime so far.
80% Chance I fail, but If i succeed my dream comes true. It's going to be a lot of pressure and a lot of fear but in the end It'll be fine. I'll make it.
And If i don't I'll hate my self for manifesting the thought/making myself believe I'd actually make it because I feel like that would be part of the reason why I didn't make it.
Anyways, the Idea of succeeding gives me shivers all over the place and goose bumps and I don't actually ever feel very hyped about stuff.
vollkommen-allein
“You shouldn’t have come here, made of fireworks, if you didn’t want me to play with fire.”
— Iain Thomas (via thoughtkick)
There’s this Girl in my life again, lately.
Always told her she’s fire to me, but I’d burn myself over and over again on her. For her, instead of living without her.
It's over now. She's gone. I'm gone. Moved to the other side of the planet for 6-7 months. Is this a new life?
Du hast doch keine Ahnung wie unzufrieden ich mit mir bin.
“Lieb mich weniger, dafür aber länger.”
— Das Wörterbuch der Liebenden, David Levithan (via honigimohr)
Source: honigimohr
“Immer wieder versau ich es mir selbst mit den Menschen, die mir nahe stehen. Ich kann einfach niemanden auf dauer überzeugen, sodass sie bei mir bleiben.”
— verbautezukunft (via verbautezukunft)
“Du warst der Mensch, den ich immer an meiner Seite haben wollte. Ich konnte mir mit dir eine Zukunft vorstellen, obwohl wir so verschieden sind. Ich wollte, dass du mich ein Leben lang begleitest und mir den Rücken stützt, so wie ich es tat. Heute weiß ich, dass du das nicht wolltest, deswegen bist du gegangen.”
— verbautezukunft (via verbautezukunft)
“I don’t want sex, I want the things that lead up to it. The slow kissing then the passionate kissing, then the pulling closer, the neck kisses, the grabbing, biting, heavy breathing, grinding, the pauses while you catch your breath, feeling each other. Oh my. Then sex.”
— (via crgasmic)
Isn't that how Sex should be only? All the time.
vollkommen-allein
“You shouldn’t have come here, made of fireworks, if you didn’t want me to play with fire.”
— Iain Thomas (via thoughtkick)
There's this Girl in my life again, lately.
Always told her she's fire to me, but I'd burn myself over and over again on her. For her, instead of living without her.