man imagine getting an anal exam from carlisle. i know the mans a good doctor but his fingers are chilly….

Would he like??? Boil his fingers before hand???

moodboard for carlisle boiling his hands to put in your ass

i’m gonna fucking murder every last one of you and the lord will not punish me for it

THE ONLY WALL THAT DESERVES ATTENTION GOING INTO 2019

second tweet is so corny lmao not everything needs to tie back to america

Magnetic Balls

womanhood and having a voyeuristic relationship with your own pain

“am i suffering beautifully?” “is my agony lovable?”

this is an excellent time to point out that merrill is actually not naive in the way that fandom generally paints her as. she’s a) been socially isolated for basically her entire life and b) been suddenly transplanted into a new society where nobody speaks her first language, and while she’s remarkably fluent in the language used throughout kirkwall, she still has to overcome all the hurdles that anybody trying to adjust to another language will, including being perplexed over unfamiliar metaphors

like. merrill is a grown woman. there is absolutely no way she isn’t familiar with how sex works. what she IS unfamiliar with is the way sex is talked about

in sum, give the lady a break, my children are dying,

Demobaza | Spring/Summer 2019

me at age 13: ugh pet names are so lame lmfao I never wanna be called “baby” gross lol just call me my name thanks

me now: oh my ANGEL!!! my sweetheart my love! 💘😔💕💖😤💓 my honey, my baby! the love of my life!!!! 💝💗😖💞 my dearest!! my beloved, my heart, my cutie pie!!!!! 🤧💘💓

my cat: 😒

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bgl6TRyDuYQ/

Women should be able to go their entire lives without wearing makeup or heels if they don’t want to, without getting called slobby, or unprofessional, or “doesn’t care about her image”, or being fucking denied jobs for not wanting to wear heels or makeup at work every day. If men aren’t expected to cover their faces with makeup or wear incredibly uncomfortable shoes every day of their lives neither should I.

louder for the back please

What’s sad is he was doing what he had to do and he got locked up for it.

THANK U FOR @doctrpepper FOR THIS GOOD CONTENT IM !!!! I LOVE U SO MUCH… THANK YOUUUU 😭

[Audio: Gobs Voice actor, saying, in a Gob voice “I HATE Moriarty and his stupid beard…”]

I spent the most magical afternoon

I went for a walk in the nature, and I took a path that was completely new to me.

I kept walking, when I came across a cute house surrounded by flowers. A little child was watering the plants, and a woman insisted to offer me a glass of water. I didn’t know her, but she was a friend of my uncle’s sister, apparently. We talked for a bit, then she told me to follow her, because she wanted to show me the laboratory where her husband produces honey. There he was, working.

He gave me a piece of honeycomb to chew on, then he showed me the complete process to make honey. Finally, he gave me a jar as a gift. The woman explained to me how to go back to town, and she walked me to the bridge I would have to cross. That looked surreal too.

I feel like the house won’t be there if I ever go back. It was beautiful.

You met an ancient family of Italian fairies and you got their blessing

I can’t even enjoy this story because of the phrase “my uncle’s sister”. So…your AUNT???

have i ever told y’all about the greatest moment of my academic career

i was a freshman in college and i had this history teacher who was ~edgy~ and his hotness level on ratemyprofessor was off the charts and he was the first teacher i ever heard use the word “fuck.” anyway he would do this thing every so often where we’d have a “quiz” and the first two questions were always really easy and the last one was hard - they were all similar questions, and the point was to show what you learn about history and what you don’t. 

so one day he’s like okay kids time for a quiz and the first question was who killed abraham lincoln. the second question was who killed JFK. third question was who killed william mckinley. 

we all take a few minutes and write down our answers, and then the teacher asks the questions again so we can shout out the answers. everybody answered the first two with really no problem.

now, keep in mind that this class was at 9 a.m. and i was exhausted All The Time during my freshman year of college so i sat in the back in my sweats and never said a word and the teacher definitely had no clue who i was. 

so you can imagine his surprise when he asked the class who shot william mckinley and without missing a beat i said, “czolgosz,” pronounced correctly and everything. 

my teacher froze and in a very stern voice asked, “what was that? what did someone just say?”

i repeated: czolgosz.

my teacher: “who said that?”

i raised my hand, and my super cool history teacher glared at me. he then asked me how the hell i knew the answer. he said that in the TWENTY YEARS he’d been teaching this stupid class, nobody, not A SINGLE PERSON, had ever known the answer to that question.

i then had to quietly explain to a room full of people that there’s a musical called assassins and there’s a song about czolgosz shooting william mckinley at the great pan american exposition in buffaloooooooo (in buffaloooooooo)

The arts are important.

I shocked a teacher once because I could recite the preamble to the US Constitution (got bonus points to), She asked why I’d taken it upon myself to memorize it. I had to explain it was in a School House Rock song….

I shocked church with my ‘math skills’ when they were asking how many seconds in a minute, minutes in an hour, hours in a day, days in a year, now how about minutes in a year - and I call out five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes without pausing to think, cos Rent

Once aced a religion class pop quiz that asked me to list all of Jacob’s sons since they’re the names of the 12 tribes of Israel. The one and only time I’ve been thankful for Andrew Lloyd Webber. I even got points for getting the birth order correct.

Two kinds of people:

People who took the news of feathered dinosaurs like this:

And those who took it like this:

I hate it when people say “science ruined dinosaurs” as though dinosaurs are just some pop culture monster invention and not real things that existed and that we are continuing to make new discoveries about

Amen

Listen I don’t care if you think feathers on a dinosaur look stupid if a 9 ton apex predator is coming at you at 25 mph, you’re not going to laugh at its feathers. YOU’RE GOING TO HAUL ASS

Most of y’all are afraid of geese and they have feathers.

Imagine a 9 ton goose that’s about to fuck your shit up.

The stories of women in my family who were forced into lives they didn’t want and didn’t utilize their passions breaks my heart. My grandma wanted to be a journalist and write about the injustices she saw inflicted on disabled ppl while she was volunteering at a state run institution as a teen. Her father decided that she was “too fat and stupid” for college and forced her to get married at 17 or else he’d make her homeless. As a kid she told me that she wished people believed that she had meaningful opinions on events around her. One of my great grandmothers wanted to be an artist but was pressured into marrying a man who beat her. She stayed up late each night when her children were in bed writing poetry and pasting it over elaborate collages she mad herself. We still have stacks of these notebooks she created but was never allowed to do anything with. My mother wanted to be an operatic singer and was considered a musical prodigy in her town because she taught herself three seperate instruments by 13. When she was 18 she met my then 30 year old father who emotionally manipulated her into giving up her dreams to start a family with him. As a kid I would hear her up at night playing the violin or doing vocal exercises until she became too depressed to practice anymore. Like idk y’all there’s a quiet type of violence in the way women’s talents are devalued and brushed aside in favor of bullying them into “traditional” roles that ultimately don’t fulfill what they wanted for their lives. We’ve lost so much art, music, writing, science, and happiness to misogyny.

Why is this so funny

“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”

Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.

As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me. 

One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.

Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.

Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.

Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.

Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children. 

This is so goddamn important.

I verbally express affection. A LOT.

My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.

At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.

Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.

Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.

taptaptap

on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me

All the time.

More often than I ever verbally said it.

It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.

It’s made a huge difference for us.

People say things differently.

People say things differently.