becoming an adult cheat sheet!!!

OH MY GOD whyyyy did no one tell me you’re supposed to send thank-yous after interviews?? Why would I do that???

“Thank you for this incredibly stressful 30 minutes that I have had to re-structure my entire day around and which will give me anxiety poos for the next 24 hours.”

I HATE ETIQUETTE IT’S THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE THING FOR ME TO LEARN WITHOUT SOMEONE DIRECTLY TELLING ME THIS SHIT

NO ONE TOLD YOU???? WTF! I HAVE FAILED YOU. Also: Dear ______: Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit down with you (&________) to discuss the [insert job position]. I am grateful to be considered for the position. I think I will be a great fit at [company name], especially given my experience in __________. [insert possible reference to something you talked about, something that excited you.] I look forward to hearing from you [and if you are feeling super confident: and working together in the future]. Sincerely, @mellivorinae

THIS IS A LIFESAVING TEMPLATE

YOU ARE WELCOME

My brother got a really great paid internship one summer. The guy who hired him said the deciding factor was the professional thank you letter my brother sent after the interview.

When you guys have visited potential apartments, what kind of questions did you ask besides the basics like what rent and utilities include?

Here are questions I didn’t ask but should have: what does the basement look like?

What measures are taken to secure the building ?

Are the walls thin? Brief info of who lives in the building. Are they college kids? People that work through the day? Elderly? Is it a mix? Where does the garbage go?

Can I pay rent bi-weekly? What kind of fuses does the apartment use? (My fuse box is in the basement. If I blow a fuse I have to replace it myself. They screw until the box. All of which I didn’t know until it happend and I was sitting in the dark suddenly)

Who do I call for repairs? (If it’s a private rental) Am I allowed to paint the walls? Is there any additional storage? Do you do regular pest control?

LAUNDRY FACILITIES Definitely ask about security Whether subletting is allowed (esp if you’re in college and might want to sublet for the summer) If you have a car, whether there’s parking/how much it costs What kind of heating/AC there is Procedure/response time for any maintenance How mail/packages are received/protected from theft (seriously people stealing your packages can be a huge problem) What kind of verification of your salary will they want, and in what circumstances will they accept a guarantor instead? Whether the apartment is furnished

Assuming you are in the middle of looking at/choosing between places: When does the lease start? Are you going to give preference to people based on when they can move in? Whether groups of a certain number of people get preference Really anything about who they prioritize for applications, it can save you a lot of trouble in trying to apply to places you’ll never get into

count the outlets, ask about recycling policies, ask if there’s a noise restriction (nothing loud after midnight, everything goes on the weekend, etc)

What are the upfront fees for moving in? (1 month, brokers, 1 month security fee?)

Is there a credit check fee? (shouldn’t be over $25. shouldn’t even exist really but credit check fees at $125, 150? robbery)

Ask about the intercom system, ask about security cameras, ask about the locks on the front door. One place I looked at, the building was locked, and the broker jimmied the front door open with his business card. If the broker could do it, so could a rapist

Is there a live-in super? (godsends, heroes) If so ask to meet them. A lazy, ignorant, or uncaring super is a nightmare waiting to happen. An active, interested, proud one is excellent, even better if they’re union

How do I pay my rent? (Check, money order?) Can I pay online? (If check/money order mailed in is the only way, make sure to get receipts for sending the rent out every month!! Critical!! Keep your proof of payments made on time every time in case they get on some foul shit. Landlords are out  here to screw you and make money)

When does the lease renew? Can I negotiate a two-year option at a reduced monthly rate? Can I get $50, $100, $200 off the rent? (it doesn’t hurt to ask!!) Does the rent go up significantly after a year, two years? (Places with “introductory rents” or rent deals may do this to you… you may not be able to afford that apt once it goes up to its regular price!)

Is this apt rent-controlled or rent-stabilized? (NYC thing, godsend)

Have there ever been bed bugs in this apartment/in this building? (at least in nyc they are legally obligated to disclose this to you i believe)

What documents do they REALLY NEED for the application? (lots of places will want a former landlord recommendation letter… lots of places will also just let that shit slide if you have most of your packet together)

When is the apt available for moving in? Can I start the move-in process earlier than my lease start date? If so, will prorated rent be added onto my bill or no? (some places will nickel and dime you with that shit)

not something for asking the realtors, necessarily, but important rights you should be aware of as a tenant:

when and for what reasons are your landlords allowed to enter your home? how much of a notice should they give you before entering?

can the landlord make modifications to your home or apartment without your approval? to what extent?

what are the options and conditions for breaking your lease early if there’s an emergency? (this is ESPECIALLY important for anyone moving to a new state/considerable distance where you are not able to visit the apartment/home before you rent – students get taken advantage of ALL THE TIME with this shit)

if your first or last month at the property is a partial stay (i.e. you move in on july 15th, and rent is typically due on the first) make sure you don’t pay the full first month’s rent before you know the area laws! in many states, you are only legally required to pay for the time you are occupying the property

is renter’s insurance necessary? many apartments want at least 30k coverage, which can run a couple hundred dollars extra per year

are the landlords/property management liable for crimes on the property? for example, if your car was broken into. if not GET RENTER’S INSURANCE

-ask if there’s any property upkeep you can do to get a bit off the rent (aka, can they take 100$ off the monthly rent if you maintain the lawns/garden, etc.) 

-ask if there’s been any consistent/frequent trouble with electricity/internet connectivity/cable if you have it

-what KIND of electricity? 

-what kind of heating (hot water/electric)

-how secure is the neighborhood (if you don’t know) 

-ANY PLUMBING ISSUES? check ALL the fucking taps, the showers, EVERYTHING WITH WATER to make sure it all works right. 

Ask about the pet policy. Lots of places restrict the number of pets to two. Some have breeds restrictions for dogs (such bullshit). Some have a weight limit. Some allow small dogs but not large breeds. Some places allow dogs but not cats or vice versa.

Many places require a pet deposit of $300 per pet, half of which is usually non refundable. And more and more places are charging “pet rent.” An extra $10-15 a month for your pet. This is also bullshit but apparently a thing.

You can always choose not to tell your landlord about your pet. Easier done in a large apartment complex than a small privately rented unit. Most maintenance guys in large complexes don’t know if you’re supposed to have pets in there or not, and things like pest control are usually outsourced and those guys don’t give a shit.

When I was renting, it wasn’t always possible to afford the pet deposit, so I had “undocumented” kitties. Never had a problem. If you’re ever found out, say you just acquired the pet and hadn’t had a chance to tell the office yet. They will simply ask for a pet deposit and start charging pet rent. They can’t prove you’ve had the pet all along, so. Often it’s easier to come up with the pet deposit a few months after you love in anyway, rather than coming up with a huge chunk of cash up front when you sign your lease.

Basically I know how important pets are to mental health, and I fully advocate lying to your apartment complex if you need to so you can have them with you.