ENTJ: Inferior Fi grips
Combined with the following asks:
- Have you ever been in the grip of your inferior Fi?
- Have you ever been in a Fi grip or a Te-Se loop? If so, what was it like and how did you deal with it?
- Love your blog and feel bad for roafl-ing at entp post. I relate with that and try to be better each time. I think I have been in Si-grip for years (constantly ran away from reality, being irresponsible and spending my resource so inefficiently). I tried hard to recover, and recovered ofc, but it’s easy to fall to Si-grip again if I don’t monitor myself enough; kind of flip back and forth. Any advice? How about ENTJ? If you(or someone you know)ever experienced grip, what did you do to recover?
- Hello, Mr. ENTJ. It’s really cool that you have a very mature Fi, it’s really hard to wield your inferior function consciously. I want to ask, what does an ENTJ without a mature Fi look like? Because not a lot of people know about their inferior function, much less consciously understand and use it, I feel like I would run into those with less mature inferior functions. Do you know a lot of people who have all four mature functions (whether they know it or not?)
- What does a Te-Fi grip look like? I’ve heard about what grips are but as an ENTJ I don’t know how to identify when I am in one.
What is an inferior Fi grip?
Short answer: The 9th circle of hell. An inferior Fi grip is when an ENTJ replaces the use of his or her dominant function (Te) with the inferior function (Fi) to make decisions.
What causes it?
“I’ll never reveal my triggers for an inferior grip because it would tell you exactly where to hurt me.”
— Every ENTJ (and ESTJ) ever
Long answer: For ExTJs, the two most common triggers for an inferior Fi grip are:
1. Personal relationship issues with emotional investment, significance and impact*. Examples include fighting in a relationship, dealing with infidelity, breakups, issues with parents, conflict with siblings, separation from children, the loss of friends, etc.
- Why is this a trigger?: Matters of the heart bypass our armor and mind to hit us directly in our core. This is why ENTJs have high walls, strong defenses, and strict checklists for who we allow into our lives because it’s a deterrent for future headaches and heartbreak. Issues regarding emotional matters, people, relationships, friendships can be illogical and unable to be resolved using objective methods (Te) causing distraction, frustration, confusion, and pain.
- *I stress the underlined words because it’s only when the following conditions are met: we care/we’re emotionally invested and then it goes wrong that it hurts. If we don’t care/we’re not emotionally invested then no fucks are given.
2. Major failures that result in the obstruction of long-term goals. This is totally different than regular failure from attempts that result in new data, more knowledge, and personal/professional development. This is different from failure that comes from training, struggling, learning, and growing. This is different from failure in things we don’t care about. For example, I learned recently that I’m not good at pottery and failed at wheel throwing but I don’t care about being good so there was no impact.
An example of a major failure would be a pre-med student and aspiring doctor failing the MCAT (Medical College Admission Test) despite extensive studying, preparation, tutoring, and multiple attempts at taking it. This is a major failure because in America you can’t be a doctor without going to medical school and you can’t get into medical school with a low MCAT score.
- Why is this a trigger?: Te’s nature is to provide straightforward and direct solutions to approach every problem and every goal by leveraging logic and empirical evidence. For the medical school example above the setup is this:
- Logic: “To become a doctor I must get great grades (3.7+ GPA), score high on the MCAT (26+), write solid essays, and nail the admissions interviews. This process is established by the Association of American Medical Colleges and verified by past medical students/doctors, my academic counselors, and medical school admissions data. Other students have gone through this process to become doctors.”
- Conclusion: “If I go through these steps I should succeed in my goal of becoming a doctor. If I go through these steps and I don’t succeed in my goal then it must be my fault because I fell short of the objective measurements of intelligence, ability, and potential compared to other candidates. If I fail then I must be deficient in some way. Compared to other people who could do this, why couldn’t I?”
What does it feel like?
“I’ve read that if an avalanche buries you and you’re lying there underneath all that snow, you can’t tell which way is up or down. You want to dig yourself out but pick the wrong way, and you dig yourself to your own demise. That was how I felt, disoriented, suspended in confusion, stripped of my compass.”
— Khaled Hosseini, And The Mountains Echoed
Short answer: For me, anxiety caused by a sudden and dramatic loss of confidence in my abilities.
Long answer: Have you ever had a nightmare where you were surrounded in a fight and threw a punch but there was no strength behind it? That’s what an inferior Fi grip feels like to me: besieged from all sides, personally weak, and then eventually apathetic. It’s trying, failing, despairing, and then sliding into a “nothing’s going to work so why bother?” mindset. I feel vulnerable, exposed, and ineffective like my strength’s been sapped or that I’m on a hamster wheel where I’m running as hard as I can but I’m not going anywhere.
What does it look like?
- Like a dysfunctional ISFP or INFP
- Indecisive
- Quiet
- Passive
- Disengaged
- Demotivated
- Aimless
- Sensitive, sometimes paranoid, and easily offended which usually manifests in anger*
- Example inner monologue: “I did everything in my power to prevent this but it still happened. Are people blaming me? Why do they keep rubbing it in?”
- Pessimistic
- Example inner monologue: “There’s no point in setting goals because I’m just going to fail at them. I had a great plan, I did my best, and I still failed. If the plan made sense then that means it must have been my fault it didn’t work.”
- Pathetic
- It’s not pretty.
Most of you have been following my blog long enough to know my personality and my views on life, love, family, motivation, discipline, and success. If at any time I post something like: “I GIVE UP. I DON’T WANT TO TRY BECAUSE I’M SO DUMB, LAZY, AND WORTHLESS. I CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! NOTHING IS GOING TO WORK, EVERYTHING IS HOPELESS, EVERYONE HATES ME, AND I’M JUST GOING TO SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR THE END,” you should call the police ASAP and request a psychiatric hold because something’s wrong with me. It’s such a dramatic change in personality and shift in energy that it can’t be missed.
*On anger: Anger is a defense mechanism. Happiness and anger can be empowering but sadness is an entirely different story. Sadness is disturbing, debilitating, weak, and embarrassing. Anger isn’t healthy but it’s scary, menacing, mobilizing, and powerful. Anger attempts to restore some of the strength that sadness steals even if it doesn’t address the root cause of the problem.
What fixes it?
Short answer: For me, find my way back to my dominant function (Te) to regain confidence, strategize a new plan, and ignite excitement and energy to chase new goals.
Long answer: Specific methods to accomplish this:
1. Write: I’ve always had a journal since middle school or some kind of blog to express my thoughts and feelings. This accomplishes three things:
- It allows me to release my emotions in a private, safe, and controlled environment without feeling judged or embarrassed.
- Writing about a problem is a lot like drawing a diagram to solve a complex math or science equation– it gives high-level perspective and context that I might have missed before. I don’t have the greatest memory and cataloging the facts is helpful for root cause analysis. I can pinpoint exactly where the situation went south and that leads me to a solution.
- I have reference if something like this ever happens again to see how I navigated the issue and how I overcame it. It’s slightly embarrassing, but also encouraging.
2. Talk: I find that online conversations with friends and family, instead of in-person conversations, work better for me when I’m trying to articulate complicated and uncomfortable internal processes because I have space and time to construct each message with care. There’s no threat of vomiting a jumbled mess in a face to face conversation where there’s the pressure for immediate feedback or, god forbid, the chance to get emotional. This accomplishes three things:
- Their feedback usually provides wisdom and insight. Friends and family will usually share similar experiences and their solutions which can help navigate the problem.
- It provides perspective to help shed light on any red flags or blind spots about the situation that might have been missed.
- There’s comfort that someone can relate to my problems and/or cares enough to listen. Loneliness and isolation exacerbate the effect of an inferior Fi grip, it’s like trying to dig yourself out of a hole by digging downward into a ditch. Never underestimate the power of love (cue the Celine Dion song).
3. Small victories: I volunteer at the LA Mission or Children’s Hospital, make donations to charities, or get involved in other organizations with great causes. Not only is it the right thing to do, it’s a very basic Te process of performing an action and seeing a positive impact. Other ways I build momentum:
- Doing well on quizzes, tests, classes because the results of my studying can be reflected in my scores.
- Playing sports, video games, board games because my competitiveness and practice can be reflected in my wins.
- Exercising and dieting because the results of my actions can be reflected in my health and appearance.
4. Strategic realignment and personal empowerment: The last and most crucial step out of an inferior Fi grip for me. It’s not the acceptance of failure as being final or the abandonment of a dream, it’s the acceptance that there are other ways to succeed in life and that those methods are equally desirable and valid. It’s the rationalization that we can’t all succeed in everything we try at but that there are still other things in life worth pursuing and worth fighting for. It’s coming up with a new plan, setting a new goal, and driving out of a dark tunnel with the confidence and excitement that we’re bound for an even better destination even if the old one didn’t work out. It’s the acceptance that failure and loss aren’t connected to self-worth because the sun will rise tomorrow and we will try again.
