17Feb2023

heya! its been awhile.. yes i’m back to this space again whenever I’m down. Not sure what i’m actually feeling at this point because life is pretty much it nowadays.. i’m in a healthy rs but I feel lost.. lost in a sense of I have no idea how to put words to, does anyone feel me?

Been feeling pretty much emotional ever since 2023 started.. having frequent headaches & I realised that I’m more reserved nowadays.. I don’t think i’m that happy anymore and I have no idea why.. been feeling upset too often till the point whereby even a small inconvenience in my life irritates the shit out of me now. Life has so much to offer but i hope time slows down a little cause I really can’t keep up

14/9/22

hello tumblr, it’s crazy how I only come to this space whenever I’m really down..

ah ma, you have no idea how much I miss you. Whenever I scroll through tiktoks or even walk past elderlys, everything just reminds me of you.

The depressing thing is that, I’m really not coping well at all, I feel so broken trying to act like everything is all rainbow and sunshine when in actual fact it isn’t.

It’s pathetic how I’m actually tearing right now typing all these. I have no idea how to grieve or even handle my emotions properly at this point even though I’m in the healthcare sector.

Honestly, what should I do? I hate how school work is piling up, exams are approaching, i’m losing focus & kor’s rs with me is so strained. I feel so .. suffocated? i dont even know what words I should use to describe whatever I am feeling right now. I just want things to be ok

im so emotional, i can’t do this

22/04/22

Vivid dream, i dreamt of you. I was holding your hand, we were probably talking & you were smiling happily. I woke up crying because I know that i’ll never get to do that anymore

8 April 2022 / D-49

hello there, its been some time since I last posted here. Life hasn’t been really great since 2022 started, today marks the 49th day of my beloved grandma’s passing. Not really sure how I’m feeling rn but probably in a phase of acceptance (I hope)

During an initial burst of pain, people lash out either at others or themselves. I chose the latter. I was angry, and I didn’t know what to do with all the anger. Angry at myself for not being by her side during her last breath and all that anger was just resulting in me keeping people from getting close to asking me whether I was okay. I was not.

Death is not always the perfect vignette we want it all to be - that holding space with someone while they are dying is a labor and a process, one that can be gritty, raw, messy and complicated.

You’ll never see this but I just want to tell you that I miss you so much & I hope I can hold your hand & hear you talk once again.

But, I’m so thankful that we were ever in this life together. I hope you’re doing ok wherever you are right now and you don’t have to worry about us. If there’s one thing that I wish for you to know, it would be that, I miss you and i’ll love you forever. 🕊🤍