The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two quarters.  The Ring: Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

Of all the bearers of Sauron’s ring, 4 of them were hobbits.

I was wrong. It’s 5. Not 4

The lineage of ring bearers is as follows.

I love how Deagol counts as a ring bearer even though he had it in his possession for all of like five seconds

He held it for the rest of of his life!

[Image description: Tweet by @banalplay saying “but something happened then that the ring did not intend. it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, the same fuckin thing that just had it for like 500 years.” End Image Description.] Link to original here. Otherwise reblogging for the final rb there, which made me cackle.

From the ring’s perspective:

1. Home, the finger of my creator and other self.

2. Well, I don’t like it but I can work with this. Cause some trouble, get some revenge, find my way home, this is fine.

3. What the fuck is you?

4. Right personality, wrong species, I don’t know what you are but I hate you and I don’t know why you’re so resistant to my powers.

5. NO NO NO there are goblins everywhere how did I find another one of THESE horrible things. This one’s even more resistant than the last one and also disgustingly nice. I suffer.

6. Listen, I’ll cooperate, just get me the fuck out of this hellhole full of small cheerful people my power doesn’t work on properly. No, not like that. I hate you. Please stop. 

7. FUCK

8. (Frodo again) I still hate you with every molecule of my mortal form but at least you’re not number seven. Think I’m starting to get through finally. 

9. (Smeagol again) YES it’s you I actually missed you now get me back to the Master and NO FUCK NO I HATE YOOOOUUUUU…. *fzt* 

you CHAIN The One Ring?! you chain it like the prisoner?! oh! OH! trauma! deep psychological trauma for hobbits for One Thousand Years!

Heh. :)

This is my bible. Bye.

Anyone else read this with the stereotypical Japanese “punk” accent?

I didn’t just read it in the accent. I felt the accent. 

i

絶対必要な単語。ｗ

Also good ones:

ざけんなよ。 zakenna yo. You gotta be fucking kidding me.

そんなばかな！ sonna baka na! That’s ridiculous!

出てけ。 deteke. Leave.

何ってたか、てめえ？特殊作戦群の卒業クラスでは一番だった俺は無数のアルカイダに反して極秘の使命に関わったし、公認キルは３００人以上なんだぞ。游撃戦兵で、自衛隊の最高の狙撃兵だ。てめえなんてありがたりの目標、それだけ。間違いない、この世に見たことない正確にぶっこわすぞ。ネットでそんな悪い口なんて許せると思うのか？考えなおせ。話しながら日本中のスパイネットワークを呼んで、IPをたどってるので、嵐のために準備を。生活と言う可哀想さの殲滅を持ってくる嵐だ。お前はもう死んでいる。 nan tte ta ka, temee? tokushu sakusengun no sotsugyou kurasu de wa ichiban datta ore wa mukou no arukaida ni hanshite gokuhi no shime ni kuwatta shi, kounin kiru wa sanbyakunin ijou na n da zo. yuugeki senbei de, jietai no saikou no sogekihei da. temee nante arigatari no mokuhyou, sore dake. machigai nai, kono yo ni mita koto nai seikaku ni bukkowasu zo. Netto de sonna waruiguchi nante yuruseru to omou no ka? kangae naose. hanasinagara nihonchuu no supai nettowaaku wo yonde, IP wo tadotteru no de, arashi no tame ni junbi wo. seikatsu to iu kawaisousa no senmetsu wo mottekuru arashi da. omae wa mou shindeiru. What the fuck did you say about me you little bitch? I graduated top of my class in the JSDF Special Forces Group, and I’ve been involved in countless secret missions against Al-Quaeda, and I have 300 confirmed kills. I’m trained in gorilla warfare, and I’m the top sniper in the entire Self Defense Force. You are nothing but just another target. Make no mistake, I’ll wreck you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth. You think I’ll let you get away with saying shit like that on the internet? Think again. As we’ve been speaking, I’ve contacted my network of spies across Japan, and your IP is being traced, so get ready for the storm. The storm which will annihilate the pathetic thing you call your life. You’re already dead.

thank u

As a bra hater, going braless is always the most comfy.

I support your choice to not support your boobies

official boob post

Okay but wtf is the point of a sports bra if they move MORE than in a regular bra? Watching that gave me big boob anxiety. If I'm running, I want those things STRAPPED

Sports bras have various levels of compression- low, medium, high impact. Low impact is for things like yoga to high impact like running/jumping/etc. My guess is she has a low to low-medium impact sports bra which would explain why there is little 'squish' and a lot of 'wiggle'.

Just because something is labelled 'sports bra' does NOT mean its meant for all sports.

A high impact sports bra (depending on the quality) are basically binder lite.

I honestly never knew this so thanks!

"Stop saying 15 year olds with weird interests are cringe, they're 15" this is true however you should also stop saying adults with weird interests are cringe because who gives a shit

To wit:

I want to share some wisdom from my high school art teacher.

In my AP Art class, there was a girl who was just starting to experiment with mixed media. At this point she was still playing around, trying to decide what direction she wanted to go with her portfolio. So one critique day, she brought in an abstract canvas with some rhinestone highlights and painted and real peacock feathers. She loved sparkles and peacock feathers so she thought she’d try introducing them a *little*. And after everyone had given some input, the teacher gave her his advice, VERY roughly paraphrased here:

“So here’s the thing… I do not like this style. These are just elements that do not speak to me personally, but I see that you like them, and you’re doing interesting things with them.

“My biggest critique is, I only merely *dislike* this piece. I want you to make me HATE it. Go crazy with the things that you like. Don’t hold back trying to make it palatable to people like me. Because I am NEVER going to like it. And if the audience does not like it, it should drive them crazy seeing how much YOU love it.”

Her portfolio was chock full of neon colors and glitter and rhinestones and splashes of peacock feathers and it was a delight. Our teacher despised every piece lol, but she got great marks and I think even won some awards. And more importantly, she was happy and proud of the results. Because she didn’t limit herself by trying to appeal to people who were never going to enjoy what she enjoyed.

Takeaway here: be as cringe as you want. Don’t limit yourself based on other ppl’s tastes. They’re not you, and you are incredible 💕

Dear Reddit and Twitter refugees:

You've probably already been told to change your icon, post and reblog stuff you like, Tumblr has holidays, etc.

But in case you weren't aware before....

When AO3 (Archive of Our Own) goes down for any reason, Tumblr flips the fuck out and panics. AO3 starts trending almost immediately.

Do NOT try to calm your neighbors down! Panicking with them until AO3 goes back up is the correct course of action.

Thank you and have a day.

Daily fan count…raise your hand if you’re *still* a Joe fan 🙋🏻‍♀️

Can we reach double figures?! 😒

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

i can't stop twitter users from migrating to tumblr but if i see someone unironically saying 'unalive' or spelling like th*s i'm blocking

Do NOT censor yourself here

Not on the posts, not in the tags

If you mention suicide, put it in the tags as #tw suicide or #suicide mention.

If you want people to avoid the topic, ALLOW THEM TO ACTUALLY AVOID IT. You can filter things here and specifically avoid certain tags.

Stop censoring and say what you mean

PSA: bot comments are taking over ao3

The above examples have been provided with the authors' permission to demonstrate what these look like.

Basic rundown:

Please spread the word about this so authors can filter comments and report them accordingly

There has been some speculation about why this is happening at all, and the best guess is that this is a feature that AI-training story-scraping tools are implementing to try and make their browsing traffic look legitimate

So do I just like....follow...anyone? Like real people? Like the actual people and not the subject matter? That isn't like following someone to their doorstep? Why does this seem so personal???

Think of it as, you are a stray cat, and every evening I put out my garbage and you come and eat it

This garbage is now mine.

Also, when sharing news of and directions to the delicious garbage with other cats, the custom is to reserve the text block for additional food waste. If you have personal thoughts or comments on the garbage, they go in the tags.

Correct @theillusionofpants!

I loved this 😂.

We're all stray cats eating garbage. But those fics are the most delicious ever.

“But it normalizes—”

IT’S TEN FANFICS ON AO3 FOR A FANDOM THAT NOT EVEN ONE-SEVENTH OF THE POPULATION OF PLANET EARTH KNOWS EXISTS. IT ISN’T “NORMALIZING” ANYTHING, KAREN. STOP CLUTCHING YOUR PEARLS BEFORE YOU CHOKE YOURSELF

If you’re going after fanfic authors instead of Hollywood directors/bestselling authors, you aren’t worried about what’s being ‘normalized’.

You just want an easy target.

“If you’re going after fanfic authors instead of Hollywood directors/bestselling authors, you aren’t worried about what’s being ‘normalized’.

You just want an easy target.”

If u want to write a story about a character that's just you but hotter with a dark twisted backstory and magical powers and a pet falcon or something, I think u should just go ahead and do that. Who's gonna stop you? The government?? Fuck the police.

What if someone barges in, points at said character and scream, “Mary Sue!”

Tell them to come back with a warrant

This post came across my dash again and now I am having an absolute blast with self insert hotter me that gets the girls and guys everywhere.

This is the Way

Reblogging because I am very pro-writing whatever the hell you want, even ”bad” things, and also because “tell them to come back with a warrant” BROKE ME

Good turt

Terrific turtle times

reblogging to normalize. because we really should be uplifting sex workers as bread winners. Also because they should be able to show their face in public without fear of repercussions??? (cough cough), like this gentleman.

Honestly its unhinged and hilarious but yet also seriously something I want to see more of

Reblog if you’re a cheap whore. Or respect cheap whores. Or have the power to turn young people into cheap whores. (they can never tell which)

support whores both cheap and expensive!

AROMANTICISM AND ASEXUALITY ARE INHERENTLY QUEER AND DO NOT NEED TO BE PAIRED UP WITH ANOTHER LGBTQ IDENTITY TO BE RECOGNIZED AS SUCH AND YES THIS INCLUDES CISHET ASPECS

yuri tesla

the yaoi mobile and the yuri tesla are not enemies. In fact they are kissing sloppy style

That's the opposite of Yuri and Yaoi tho

Happy Pride!

Every pride, you must reblog this. No exceptions

I love that four different people on my feed scheduled this joyous person to reblog by 8am on June 1. I look forward to seeing this a dozen more times today.

Pay heed to Klaudia Amenábar's words! Don't let the executives weaponize fandoms. WGA Strong.

My guys it is starting to work, I've seen some people I know complaining about the writer's strike and turning against them because their favorite shows and/or movie got put on hold. Please do not be fooled like this, this is exactly what the corporations want. It can wait, I promise you will find other things to focus, but writers need this.

Reword every headline they put out. “Due to not wanting to give writers money, Marvel has shut down pre-production on…” You can end this strike any time you want to, pal.

"Marvel too cheap to pay writers, production shuts down"

"Disney too greedy to pay residuals, deletes shows/movies"

"Studios cut corners on safety, production values, writing, acting, etc. in order to make more money; won't share with anyone below CEO level"

This.

100% this.