Do you think Naomi Novik ever looks at AO3

sees some incest mpreg

and whispers to herself “I never wanted this.”

No. :)

I tried to make a sexual identity generator but it’s glitchy and I’m not sure how to fix it.

I got “topheavy cishet”

Parallel parking bisexual

sensible gay, thank god

I’m a space astronaut

I’m superhero queer. I’ll take it.

Uncanny Warrior Gay.

… yes.  

GOBLIN PANSEXUAL

Belligerent Gay Trekkie

It’s occurred to me that “bingo night” or “bridge night” at the senior center will probably be “D&D night” when we get there, and now I’m ready to retire.

OKAY SO my grandmother did her anthropology degree fieldwork on the social structures of retirement homes as it related to games— what games were played, and how they created and reinforced social hierarchies and bonds.

And SO MUCH SHIT gets played out through card games!

So.

How much worse is it going to get when instead of teaming up with Estelle to beat Margie at bridge because that bitch is monopolizing all of Murray’s time... you can make Ashley regret talking shit about you to Jason because you’re the only cleric in the party, and she’s just failed her second death saving throw.

sword lesbian this, axe lesbian that…I myself? A weighty dagger lesbian. Thank you for reading my post.

LGBT people…choose ur weaponry

Baseball Bat Bisexual

Traditional longbow transgender

Guillotine Gay

You are all so fucking valid

Pocketknife pansexual 🔪

Quarterstaff queer

for your consideration

Finally compiled all my character portraits for season 2 of Critical Role!

The idea of Cassandra and Dorian being trashy romance novel buddies delights me to no end. 

(Especially if they’re the sort of people who can keep a blank face while reading smut but completely lose it over fluff)

“What’s your spirit animal?” We’re white Rebecca we don’t have spirit animals ask me what my fursona is like you meant to ask u fucking coward

Addison Ector soloist with Complexions Contemporary Ballet photo by Vikki Sloviter

men moaning is basically the hottest thing a guy can do besides give you neck kisses

lets not forget when they whisper ugh fuck under their breath

or when they write me a check for $100,000

give me the whole package: man who’s kink is giving me money

give me the whole package: man who’s kink is giving me money

^Haiku^bot^7. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes. | Who do I read? | Contact | HAIKU BOT NO | Good bot! | Selfie | Meep morp! Zeet!

I like her too.

My gender is tropical bird in mating season.

I realize that there is a small chance that this could be interpreted as a joke, but I am actually completely serious.

selasi emoting on the floor while wearing a floral t-shirt appreciation post (feat. bonus sue)

@leftennant and I were just bemoaning the lack of rom coms out there in Hollywood and how it’s probably stimmying the careers of certain actors who would kill it in that niche. 

This seems like such low hanging fruit being ignored. With relatively low budgets you can afford the occasional failure compared to the thud Justice League just made. If you picked a random group of ten women and asked them to brainstorm ideas they’d come up with solid ideas to be spun into box office gold.

Per example:

Of course he can. I’m still buying a ticket to this.

Who gives a fuck, we know there’s going to be a kiss and they’ll split the money, just take my money already.

I don’t even need you to tell me the plot of this one, because I already booked my seat.

Tell me Tumblr–what rom com ideas would you like to see and who would star in them?

America Ferrera needs a date to her family’s insane holiday party, so she puts out an ad on Craigslist for a bad boyfriend, so they’ll never ask her about him again. Tom Hardy is the bad boy she hires. Only, he’s actually pretty sweet.

–

Marisa Tomei is doing great as a single mom. She just closed a huge deal at her job, and her kid is surprisingly chill for a teenager, from what she’s read. Enter: her ex, Gerard Butler, freshly transferred back to NYC from London, and still in love with her. Can she admit she’s still in love with him?

–

Matt Bomer hates visiting Middle America on his book tours, even though he loves his fans. That is, until he attends a panel discussion where the moderator is local celebrity writer, Channing Tatum.

I was talking about having them do a remake of Harry met Sally but with Melissa McCarthy as Harry and Mindy Kaling as Sally.

mads mikkelson: contemporary incarnation of aphrodite.

Idris Elba does yoga in very small shorts. No one cares about the plot.

Alternatively: Mads Mikkelson and Idris Elba. Something something…IDK we’re all going to watch it, aren’t we?

And this addition from @anais-ninja-blog which Tumbles is trying to eat:

Ewan MacGregor as the drama teacher at a private school in Manhattan who is feuding with but secretly pines for Chiwetel Ejiofor, the music teacher. Their school is undergoing a shift in curricula and there’s debate on the place of the arts, will they save their programs? Will they get together in the end? We all KNOW the answer is yes, but don’t you want to see it happen regardless?

Nicole Beharie and Tom Mison as bounty hunters after the same target. They have completely different styles and end up teaming up to bring their quarry down. Will they learn to get along, even fall in love? 

I mean, did you see the chemistry they had together in Sleepy Hollow?

Aubrey Plaza inherits her free-spirited grandmother’s ‘67 Mustang. Eager for a change of scenery after a gnarly break up, she travels cross-country to pick it up and drive it home.

She gets more than she bargained for when she discovers that it’s haunted by Grandma’s ghost (Ellen Burstyn) and Grandma won’t rest until she gets her granddaughter some action.

When Grandma still hasn’t passed over, they set out for the Grand Canyon on the road trip of her dreams. A flat tire and a mysterious but helpful hitchhiker (Jason Momoa) later and something, something romance.

Working title: Granny’s Last Gas.

A successful attorney (Taraji P. Henson) wins surfing lessons in a charity raffle and after everyone she knows agrees that she could never do it, she decides that she’s got to learn.

Her instructor’s a washed up pro (Chris Hemsworth) with a fear of water after taking on more wave than he could handle in a catastrophe that nearly cost him everything.

After she’s challenged by a group of local punks to compete in an upcoming contest, Chris decides to face his fears and commits to helping her win.

They discover that they have more in common than they expected as her determination helps him to fall in love with surfing all over again.

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds in a remake (again) of the Parent Trap.

–

Donald Glover is a bored, jaded former-wunderkind. Zoe Saldana is the enforcer sent to rough him up for using his skills against a mob-run casino. She completes her “errand,” but when he’s in the hospital, recovering, someone starts sending him complex math puzzles. The puzzles form a message.

–

Washed-up rock star Lee Pace has done everything, seen everything, fucked everything. His manager despairs, and begs him to attend a retreat in Sonoma, California. He goes to Sonoma, but never makes it to the retreat once he meets gregarious, no-nonsense pâtissier, Colin Farrell, and his irascible veterinarian wife, Julia Styles.

–

Michele Pfeiffer is a witch who accidentally gives a customer’s love potion to her downstairs neighbor, Michael Keaton. She doesn’t know that her apprentice, Saorise Ronan, messed up the batch, and it was a dud. Now he’s wooing her, and she thinks it’s all fake (except it’s totally working).

Paul Rudd and Ryan Reynolds play two hotshot detectives who hooked up at last year’s Christmas party. They swore that it would only happen once and that they’d keep things casual. Now that they’ve landed the case of their careers, they’ll have to work together and keep things professional or risk losing it all.

Rosario Dawson is a high-powered lawyer who doesn’t know when to take a break. After a health scare, her boss orders her to find a way to de-stress. She resents it, but when she meets doctor Lupita Nyong-o in her yoga class, she’s a little less resentful. Can they find room in their lives for love?

Gwendoline Christie is an angel assigned to help Jasika Nicole find love from afar— but when Jasika’s jerky ex (Alexander Skarsgard) is back in town, Gwendoline realizes that she needs to take matters into her own hands if she’s going to succeed. She manifests on earth and hijinks ensue as Jasika falls for her. Gwendoline wears high heels and punches Skarsgard, at the end Gwendoline and Jasika kiss while ‘heaven is a place on earth’ plays.

this is gay culture

this reads like a lost shakespeare play 

My illustrations for The Duchess and the Spy, for @adoribullmb! It’s a raunchy rule 63 regency AU– if that sounds like your jam, please check it out, you’re gonna love it.

And big thanks to the author, who provided me with tons and tons of really useful references, even though I ended up drawing them half-dressed anyway, and whose enthusiasm made this really fun to work on. <3

So, I was really nervous when it came time to assign artists for the minibang. I was a little worried that I would get shouted down for writing genderswap or femslash, but mostly that my assigned artist wouldn't understand why it was so important to me that Bull stay... well, Big.

I'm sure it's obvious that I lucked out, because DAMN. That is a Giant Woman with Giant Horns.

And, like. She's not made into some male-gazey idea of what a queer woman (or any woman!) "should" look like in order to be palatable.

So, uh. Thanks a ton, @serenity-fails. You're the coolest.