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Will Someone Please Explain This Possum?

@tdpossum / tdpossum.tumblr.com

Retired My World Renowned Fanvids

The Bill/Laura Simon Snow AU You Definitely Did Not Ask For

[i was trying to get @tdpossum to read Carry On and i was all, there’s a VAMPIRE in love with the CHOSEN ONE and she was all, you’re not making it better??, so i had to write this fic. You’re welcome]

She’s so…determined.

Bill can’t remember ever having been so focused, so sure .  He feels, of course.  He wants. He desires.  He achieves. But her white-hot clarity, her purpose, her drive…he can’t remember that at all.

How long has it been, since he was alive?

Please summarize the Goat Mafia situation Old City's Fifth Ward in the 1950s. Because of reasons.

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After the war, back when Old City was still young, you used to see them everywhere: long hair, long black coats to their boots, fedoras to cover their horns…not that anybody knew about that.  Not that anybody knows about it now.  But they ran this city: who got in, what got in, and who and what disappeared in the dark of night, never to be seen from again.  Their great-grandkids run it now, only more quietly, with their horns under knit hats and their hooves on keyboards, fixing parking tickets, tax evasions, votes…

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@tdpossum and I got really involved in a Sanctuary Target AU, so obviously I HAD to write fic about it, and obviously she HAS to make edits for it. (Hint hint.)

It’s a quarter to ten, fifteen minutes to close, and as far as Helen, who has been the manager of the Old City Target for as long as anyone can remember, is concerned…it shows.

“Welcome to Starbucks, can I take your order?” Kate grumbles, her green apron wrinkled, leaning her elbows on the bakery display.

It’ll smudge the glass, but Helen knows Abby, the best Starbucks manager they’ve ever had, will double-check that Kate made it shine again.

She waves at Abby, hunched over her psych textbook behind the counter, and continues on her rounds. She stops to arrange the display of the clearance items near the front of the store, to adjust the hang of a hideous but trendy t-shirt in juniors’, smiling at the last customers of the night as she goes.

Her walkie-talkie hisses, and Will’s beleaguered voice crackles through the little speaker. “Magnus, I have a line of seven customers and I’m the only checkout open. Can’t Biggie open up a register?”

But Biggie, who’s been working here almost as long as Helen, is manning the customer service desk, and besides, it’s good for Will to learn to handle these situations himself. She hasn’t told him, but she’s positive he has assistant manager potential.

Cheerfully, she turns her walkie off.

“I could sell you the new iPhone 7, but your 5C can be fixed just fine,” she hears Henry say, as she approaches Electronics. “Here, dude, let me see your phone…”

Henry Foss is the smartest employee she’s ever had in this section, the most thoughtful, the most conscientious…and somehow, also, the worst. She’ll have to talk to him again, or the next time they have a visit from Corporate, he really will be fired.

She can usually handle John, their Corporate rep, just fine…but it would certainly help if Henry could make a sale…any sale.

“Hey, boss!” Henry calls cheerfully, as he hands back the phone to his euphoric customers, who will adore him but now not spend a dime. “Good night, huh?”

“Why don’t you just let him go?” John had asked, as she’d walked him to his car, a brand-new two-seater Helen guessed cost more than she made in a year, at the end of his last visit.

“I don’t like to give up on people,” she’d informed him.

John had rubbed his third finger, bare, now, for going on two years, and said nothing.

Henry could get another job, easily, of course. Nikola, who manages the Kmart across town, has been trying to steal him away for months…but Helen just can’t bring herself to do it.

Maybe she’ll bake his favorite m&m cookies tonight, and have a little talk with him before his shift tomorrow.

“Magnus!” Will’s voice wails from the pocket of her crisp khakis, where she stuffed her walkie. “I need help up here, I’m going to be murdered by an unruly mob–”

She smiles. “Coming, Will,” she sings into the speaker…and then heads to the breakroom instead.

She deserves a cup of tea, doesn’t she?

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“Magnus?  Why aren’t you answering your walkie?!”

The US Womens Gymnastics team named themselves The Final Five and now I would V E R Y much like a BSG Elite Gymnastics AU.

casually tagging @okaynextcrisis

See whereas I’m sitting here waiting for someone to write me an orphan black volleyball team AU

But they won’t be able to prove it, and she’ll medal, and go on to very contentious reality show fame.

Wait. Did we have a very similar conversation once about Gaius Baltar + Ice Skating career? Because I’m having flashbacks.

We DID and @tdpossum made a glorious edit for it, but I’m on mobile and can’t link. I think we decided he bragged like crazy beforehand and then fell all over the ice?

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He later became the celebrity judge of a reality figure skating show.

Bless Your Heart

For a dear (and confused) Yankee friend of mine, a complete guide to the many meanings of this frequently used Southernism:

1.  An expression of thanks, especially if the act for which one is expressing gratitude was unexpected:  “You stopped at Chic-Fil-a just to get me a biscuit?!  Bless your heart!”

2.  An expression of sympathy:  “Your mama broke her ankle?  Well, bless her heart!”

3.  An indication of shared excitement:  “Bless your heart, I’m so happy for you!”

4.  A term used to ease the sting of a comment that might otherwise seem condescending or rude.  Frequently used with small children:  “He can’t tie his own shoelaces, bless his heart.”

5.  When used sarcastically, a request that someone stop complaining:  “You had a problem with the plumbing in your vacation house in Hawaii?  Well, bless your heart.”

6.  A special case phrase for discussing problems caused by the elderly:  “Look where the hell you’re going you no-driving son of a  . . . oh.  Never mind, it’s an old lady.  Bless her heart.”

7.  An indication that the speaker knows it’s not polite to make fun of other people but is going to do so anyway:  “Bless her heart.  Her hair looks like she’s been dragged through a hedge backwards.”

8.  If the speaker is smiling at you very sweetly, calling you “sir” or “ma’am”, and none of the above definitions seem to apply - welp, that’s a Southerner’s way of saying “Go to hell.”

It’s all very simple, once you know the code.  :D