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tbh this is random

@tbhthisisrandom

kaela // she/they 🏳️‍🌈 // 20
• black autistic jewish leftist •
kanej-kanthony tether

From Six of Crows:

“Some people see a magic trick and say, ‘Impossible!’ They clap their hands, turn over their money, and forget about it ten minutes later. Other people ask how it worked. They go home, get into bed, toss and turn, wondering how it was done. It takes them a good night’s sleep to forget all about it. And then there are the ones who stay awake, running through the trick again and again, looking for that skip in perception, the crack in the illusion that will explain how their eyes got duped; they’re the kind who won’t rest until they’ve mastered that little bit of mystery for themselves. I’m that kind.”

This quote says a lot of things about Kaz, but I’m going to focus on one aspect: Kaz doesn’t believe the magic trick. He can’t say “oh that was cool” and forget about it because he needs to know how. He needs to understand how he was fooled, how the trick works, how it fits into his worldview. He can't rest until he figures it out.

Magic is when something happens that we can’t explain. Kaz needs to find the explanation.

But we also have this quote:

“The harbour wind had lifted [Inej’s] dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world.”

“A boy again” — this is suggesting that Kaz’s disillusionment with magic is because of everything that happened to him because of Pekka. Pekka fooled Kaz and Jordie; Kaz failed to figure out what was going on. It seemed like magic, but then it wasn’t. Now, Kaz doesn’t believe that there’s magic anymore. Pekka shattered his belief that things could be inexplicable.

But Inej is the exception to this: she makes him feel like there’s still magic in the world. Kaz can’t explain her (or doesn’t want to).

Now, Kaz often seems to function by figuring out what drives people and using that to his advantage.

“It was a guess. Pekka’s pride in the Dime Lions is plenty predictable. Kid probably has a thousand lions to play with and a giant wooden lion to ride around on.” “How did you even know he had a child?” “I figured it out that night at Van Eck’s house. Rollins wouldn't stop flapping his gums about the legacy he was building. I knew he had a country house, liked to leave the city. I’d just figured he had a mistress stashed somewhere. But what he said that night made me think again.” “And that he had a son, not a daughter? That was a guess too?” “An educated one. He named his new gambling hall the Kaelish Prince. Had to be a little red-headed boy. And what kid isn’t fond of sweets?”

Kaz figures out what motivates Pekka — the explanation for Pekka’s behaviour — and uses that to beat him.

He even does that with his own people, like Big Bolliger at the beginning of SoC:

“You’re lazy. I know it. Everyone knows it. So I had to ask myself why my laziest bouncer was getting up early twice a week to walk two extra miles to Cilla’s Fry for breakfast, especially when the eggs are so much better at the Koperoom.”

That’s how he realises that Big Bolliger is a traitor. He analyses people and figures out how they work, friend and foe alike. That’s why he wins.

But Kaz doesn’t know how Inej works — if he did, she wouldn’t be magic, would she? Kaz trusts Inej to gather secrets for him, even though he can't control her the way he controls everyone else.

And then we have a quote about Inej:

“But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway.”

“To wring magic from the ordinary.” Inej is talking about herself, but that's what she does for Kaz, too — she shows him the magic in the ordinary. She tells him that not everything is ordinary; not everything can be explained; not everything is a magic trick. Sometimes, it’s just magic.

This is why I am obsessed with Kanej. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I find it really interesting that Inej’s favourite part about her room at the Slat, despite it being “barely big enough to fit a cot”, is that she has her own window. I think this is important not only because all the windows at the Menagerie were barred, but also because the whole idea of a window is representative of the difference between her life in Ravka and her life in Kerch. Travelling through Ravka, she had no need or want of a window because she was part of and at one with the outdoor world, free to explore it and enjoy it as she saw fit, but in Ketterdam windows and rooftops are her way of travelling the city. They bring her a source of hope and connection to the life she lost whilst simultaneously being her method of completing jobs for the Dregs to slowly claw her back to that very life. So in a way, the window has become a physical manifestation of both a veil of separation between her and everything she’s ever loved or cared for, a literal sheet of glass between her and her world, and of a hope for salvation to return to that love and care.

Ahem, I mean… I like these books a normal amount, not at all obsessed…

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“You see the crippling beginnings of this affliction that he’s victim to, and he suffers daily from this crushing despair at the hands of what he’s dealing with. What we see in the show, is when you have those inner demons, and you love someone utterly, it forces you to look in the mirror and see what you’ve been hiding from, and fight them head on, to open up and let someone in entirely. Through that overcoming, we start to see the love story between George and Charlotte really flourish.” - Corey Mylcheerest

Short-staffing has become a major problem in all sectors. Retail, food service, health care, education, factory production lines, call centers, child care, IT, office support staff, etc. Every corner of our society and economy.

Now we know that even in creative spaces employers are not willing to hire sufficient staff to accomplish necessary tasks, demand workers do more than their fair share of work, for longer hours, without fair compensation or reasonable breaks/time off.

This needs to stop.

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you don’t get it. you don’t get it. i will always think about how shuri all but ran to the ancestral plane, despite not believing in it. how, despite her misgivings, it was a chance to see her mother or brother again;

and i will always think about how she met killmonger instead: someone she deemed an enemy and a threat to those she loved and stood for. always separate and far away, always just a warning—look, this is the wrong path. you should never take it.

and how killmonger convinced her that they were the same. you chose me.

i will always think about shuri after, waking up on that cold metal slab, now hollow in a way no one else will ever be able to comprehend;

how, as she stood up, her loss finally seemed real to her, because even in a place where her wishes to see her family could have been granted, they weren’t. they didn’t come. to her, they chose not to, and so a man like killmonger guided her into her first breaths as the Black Panther instead.

i will always think about how broken by grief she sounded, and angry, and most of all, above all, so utterly alone:

“I saw no one Nakia! I SAW NO ONE! Why did they not show up? Why did they abandon me?”

romanticizing your life is such a powerful tool and it’s a shame that it’s mostly used by people on tiktok to justify the purchase of expensive breakfast smoothies when there are few better ways to force oneself through unpleasant shit than imagining a cinematic backstory for your extremely quotidian suffering

the darkling said i have loved and lost and i can bear it no longer, i will close my heart to anyone who is not like me, love is weakness, love is heartache, the joy of loving them is not worth the pain of losing them and i would spare her from this pain even if she hates me for it

and alina said i have loved him and i will lose him but not today, i have sacrificed everything but i will not sacrifice him, not again, i will bring him back to me no matter the cost, even if i have to let him go in the end

and mal said i have loved her my whole life but i don’t know who i am without her, i want a life of my own even if it means i have to leave her, but i will go trusting that i will be able to find my way back to her as i always have

and genya said i have loved him and i do not regret saving him but it came at a terrible cost, i have wandered underground in the dark with only the sound of his heartbeat guiding the way, i have survived unimaginable horrors and i am strong enough to survive losing him too

and david said i have loved her without knowing how to show it but i would like to try, i know metal and she is stronger than steel and more beautiful than rubies or emeralds, i have never known anyone braver and i regret leaving her side before, but i will do it just once more if it means i can save her

and wylan said i have loved him even knowing it might never be anything more, i left him the first time but i’m not leaving now, i want to hear about his day and i want to tell him about mine

and jesper said i have loved him all while hiding a part of myself but i will hide no longer, i do not know where this journey will lead us but i would like to find out, i have spent my life gambling and i will take a gamble on this

and nina said i have loved him even as he hates me, i have condemned him to save him and i will not rest until i am able to free him

and matthias said i have loved her despite a lifetime at war against her people, i should have known better than to trust her but i let myself anyway, she betrayed me and i should hate her but it’s not just hatred that i feel when i dream of her in the night

and inej said i have loved him as his shadow, close enough to be near but never touching, i want more for us and i will not settle for less, i will have him completely or not at all and i will not wait, i will live my own life with the freedom he gave me and we will meet again one day when i choose to return

and kaz said i have loved her when i could not love myself, i do not believe in saints but i believe in her, i have lost my brother and i would do anything to make sure she doesn’t have to suffer the same, i have given everything so she could have her freedom and i would rather watch her walk away than ever hold her back, i will wait for her and i will miss her every moment she’s not beside me, but i will try to make myself a better man by the time she returns

and sankta neyar said i have loved and lost and i will gladly do it again, i once closed my heart but no longer, i will endure the pain of losing my husband by cherishing the memories of the life we shared, may you all find a love that brings you joy that will outlive the pain, my love is my strength and my universe, i have lived for hundreds of years and what i have learned is this: there is only love, it is the only thing that matters and it is enough

i love how sankta neyar's speech and character was relevant to all the characters there. to wesper it was "you guard against pain. you guard against joy." to kanej it was "but when you allow yourself to be blindsided by love... two worlds make a universe. he's not my weakness. he's my universe." to zoya it was "i closed my heart, as if that was the solution to ending all pain. what a safe way to live. what a small way as well." for tolya i'm sure he loved how poetic neyar was and that a shu saint was talking to them. and for nina well... "and i will see him through his days. sharing every moment... until he is part of the night sky."

Kaz shrugged. “Kill us, and you’ll never find Kuwei.” Van Eck appeared to consider this. Then he stepped back. “Guards to me!” he shouted. “Kill everyone but Brekker!” Kaz knew the instant he made his mistake. They’d all known it might come to this. He should have trusted his crew. His eyes should have stayed trained on Van Eck. Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej. And Van Eck saw it. He blew on his whistle. “Leave the others! Get the money and the girl.”
— SIX OF CROWS, Chapter 45

thinking about how, as a child, kaz’s favorite trick seemed to be watching something disappear, and then he grew up and fell in love with a girl who could vanish into thin air, and how we’re told that when he looks at inej, he feels like a boy again and believes that there’s still magic in the world. imagine loving magic all your life, and then discovering that magic loved you too.

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it makes me laugh so hard when i see people say “i want a crows villain arc” as if they aren’t already villains… honey… kaz is wanted for murder, fraud, identity theft, embezzlement, heist, robbery, corruption, blackmail, tax evasion, mutilation, organised crime, extortion, illegal dealings, torture and so much more. he quite literally taught an acrobat how to throw knives, his best friend and brother figure gets a high from SHOOTING people, two of his crew deserted their own people, the other is an unhinged little demolitions man who is happy to murder unconscious men. what do you mean villain arc 😭😭😭