My collection of clothing references for writing. 

Ya know what , I’m adding. Here are more useful references that I use;

@uhlxis get well soon, friendship ❤

upgrade 

I scheduled this so that it can come on Christmas eve

The Cosmic Feminist on Instagram

pretty important conversation

Ladies I have another question for you....

What’s one thing you wish guy did while he was going down ?

Actually suck on the clitoris instead of flicking it with his tongue like how a cat drinks water.

I have so much to learn thelifeofbunches

Go slow. Not everything has to be fast paced and crazy all the time

Hold my thighs. Like grip them, just firm enough…

Yasss that clit flicking shit is not the wave.

What about sucking on the clit ? thetennesseehoneyy

Fingering at the same time is always nice, but not in and out, find that gspot and massage it why you lick and suck the clit. I will die.

Touch/grab my thighs, my ass, slowly touch down my spine, everywhere, somewhere. Tease me good before you go down & while you’re down there.

Deadass with the thigh thing Kiss those inner thighs too Pretend you’re passionately kissing the kitty Not a cat drinking water Also don’t even do it if you a)don’t like doing it b)you’re going to do it for 2 seconds

I couldn’t hit reblog fast enough.

Don’t be to shy to open it up and really get the clit. Like if dudes really spread the lips and focused on the clit I would lose my mind

slow down on the flickering thing, that rapid shit isnt pleasurable, slowly running your tongue back n forth tho? Yes. 

thigh kissing is nice, ass grabbing, thigh gripping, a little passionate teasing takes you far and honestly gets her wetter by the minute 

slow down, take your time at first, dont just dive in, enjoy your meal

that rapid flicking thing doesnt do much for me (i cant speak for every girl) but slow runs across the clit are lovely, just focus on the clit, let your fingers do some work if you get tired or something 

I dont know about every girl but that mimic-my-dick-with-my-tongue technique doesnt do shit 

Notice how they’ve all basically said the same thing? I hope you men pay attention. Every woman is different but here are the basics to pleasing us.

1. Stop the fucking flicking shit.

2. Focus on the CLIT. Suck it, circle it. Engulf it. If she moans, keep doing that.

3. But pls, do visit thighland. Inner thigh licking and kissing will set us on fire.

4. What is this fingering shit? Massage the gspot or get out. We feel nothing with that little stabbing motion. Also, stop sticking your 2 inches of tongue in there. Come back up to the clit.

5. LONG stokes with the tongue.

6. Stop humming. Most of us use vibrators so that little humming trick you learned from GQ will pale in comparison.

7. Speaking of vibes, the reason you’re in our bed is because you can do 1 thing our wands and rabbits can’t do. And that’s grab us. Grab us, squeeze us, we want to feel your hands on our body.

8. If you can reach, grab a titty.

9. Some women are self conscious about how they look/taste/smell down there. Or worry about taking too long to orgasm, so let her know you’re enjoying it. Moan, groan, sound like you’re eating a plate of ribs

10. Do it til we cum or GTFO!

Oh damn 😳😳💕💕

Why aren’t things compiled and published like this more often??

And more importantly, why aren’t we being told this stuff while down there? Esp those of us who love doing it and doing it right….. feedback, ladies, when we’re there. Please?

I don’t often post shit like this but all of this is important. Guys, you want the goods? Learn to earn it. And please enjoy yourself. If you do it right you’ll enjoy the sheer fact that SHE’S enjoying it.

Taking notes for when I feel like putting some natural facial hair growth serum on my face.

Reblogging for awareness…

Don’t be rubbin on the clit like you trying to shine a shoe, it’s very sensitive. To that end, no dry cat-tounges. Slob it down.

If you think blowing on it or in it or anywhere near the pussy does anything for anyone, punch yourself in the face right now

Great facts and mad humorous. Shoot I love what I do and always have a drenched beard. And little to drink but always good to learn new tricks if there where some.

BEST!!!

Well done ladies! 👏👏 yes work that clit. 💋👠

Definitely suck on my clit. And start gently, you are neither a cat to flip it nor you are in the rush to catch the bus. And once you find out what I like, stop fucking changing the technique!!. Stick to the one that works, we can experiment some other time!!.

Wonderful, Ladies! Be explicit, we want to make you happy, tell us how! :-)

🙌🏻 this is gold!!! Solid gold!!!

Sharing this because everyone should know!

knowledge is power, sharing is caring, etc

Wow. That is alot of valuable feedback right there!!

Rule #1: Don’t do it like they do it in porn.

Rule #2: Don’t do it like they do it in porn!!!

Rule #3: That stupid tongue-way-out and flicking triple time? They do that in porn.

Rule #4: They do that in porn because if they were licking pussy the right way you’d see a) two thighs and b) the back of a head.  In porn they want to see a) pussy and b) as little of the man as possible.

Rule #5: Don’t do it like they do it in porn.

Rule #6: Your tongue is not a cock.  Sometimes people in porn use their tongues like a cock.  But see rules #1-5.  Also the second and third sentences of this rule!

Rule #7: Watch how she touches herself.  (What, you’ve watched how she touches herself, right? If not watch how pretty much _every_ woman touches herself when she’s legit getting off and not just doing what women do in porn.

Rule #8: Lick her where she touches herself.  Because those are the good spots.

Rule #9: Notice how much she’s fingering inside herself when she touches herself?  Yeah, me either usually.

Rule #10: If she does touch herself inside, notice how deep her fingers go?  Gene Simmon’s tongue isn’t that long, or that strong.  See Rule #6.

Rule #11: See her hipbones?  See the insides of her thighs almost up by her knees?  Unless she’s ticklish (in which case maybe spend more time kissing face to face and letting her get really warmed up, because…

Side Rule #A: Ticklish almost always means not-horny-enough.

Rule #12: Back to Rule #11: Find time to kiss her everywhere between her hipbones and the insides of her thighs almost up to her knees.  Then start kissing her kitty.

Rule #13: When she’s really wound up she’s very likely to be sensitive everywhere detailed in Rule #11.

Rule #14: Long, soft strokes with the flat of your tongue.  From the bottom of her kitty along side her outer lips to the top.  Then on the other side.

Rule #15: Which they rarely do in porn.  So do that.

Rule #16: gently part her lips with your own lips and tongue and softly slip between her inner lips, tasting her as you go because she’s going to taste pretty good.

Rule #17: Maybe slurp one of her inner lips between yours, one side at a time, fairly close to the top near her clit, and swirl your tongue on the inside – while gently tugging down just a little bit because that tugs down on her clit a little bit.

Rule #18: Generally speaking don’t slide your tongue all the way under her hood because the tip of her clit is sensitive as hell and the top of your tongue is usually pretty rough.

Rule #19: You know how you watched the way she touches herself?  Take a minute to think about that again.  Bonus points of you remember which side of her clit she favors because almost everyone is more sensitive on one side than the other.

Side Rule #B: For some reason the average woman’s clit is more sensitive on the left side.

Side Rule #C: But goddamn it the woman you are going down on is anything but average!  So  your  her mileage may vary!

Rule #20: Open your mouth over her clit hood – about as wide as you comfortably can (though watch those teeth) – and then apply gentle suction.

Rule #21: Wetly swirl your tongue alongside the hood of her clit, up past the little fold that hides the tip.

Rule #22: Occasionally slide your tongue back and forth across the top of her clit hood.

Rule #23: If she’s really aroused you’ll start to feel a little “stem” growing underneath her hood.  That’s good.  Very, very good.

Rule #24: This is a very good time to think carefully about what you’re going to do next.  Because when you feel that little stem (her clit’s erect) then you might be able to back off a little bit.  And go on a little kissing and licking tour from #12, above.  Which might help her keep sailing and also help her from …

Rule #25: If you keep doing the same thing change it up a little, because she can go numb.  This will frustrate her at least as much as it will you.  

Rule #25: If you feel her little stem under her clit hood rise, and if she grabs your head or (especially) if she squeaks “don’t stop” in a tiny little entirely non-porn way (because Rules all-of-the-above if she’s really getting off she’s not likely to sound much like anyone in porn) then…

Rule #26: DON’T STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!  Because she’s going to come if you don’t stop.  And want to grit her teeth, cry, or possibly kill you if you do.

Rule #27: When she’s done coming (she’ll let you know by releasing pressure on your head with her hands and/or possibly her thighs) go back to #11 and give her soft, gentle kisses there.  Because her inner lips and clit will almost certainly be pretty sensitive.

Rule #28: Climb up along side her and hold and kiss her.  (If you’re not sure she’ll like her flavor – many women do but quite a few don’t at all – then subtly wipe your face on the sheets on your way up.

Rule #29: I didn’t say anything about fucking her afterwards, did I?  No I didn not.  Sometimes she’ll want to after.  Sometimes she won’t.  Just like sometimes you’re up for it after she’s gone down on you and blown your socks across the room and other times you couldn’t get it up again for lifeboat room on the Titanic!  If not that’s ok.  You can jack off later, just like she rubs one out when you’ve capsized after coming.  But!

Rule #30: She’ll remember.  And rock your fucking socks next time.  Because most guys won’t go down on her at all, and the ones that do think porn is an instruction manual.  And so she won’t forget you pulling that thorn out of her paw, and she’ll be a lioness next time.  Which might not be that long because many (but not all!) women recover and are ready for a nice round two before all that long at all.

Rule #31: Rule #32, below, is the most important rule of all.

In other words don’t be a robot.  She’s not a robot either.  Interact, make eye contact, respond to her like she’s very likely responding to you!  

And finally, Rule #33: Don’t lick anyone’s pussy like they do it in porn!

Goodness!  I thought I’d lost this post!  It’s the source of my maybe-cryptic “Rule 5″ tag: don’t do it like they do it in porn!

Better late than never!

I am really, really happy that you didn’t lose this post, positively perky one might say. All I can add to the plethora of juicy nuggets of insightful information, is uhm carry on… *secret smile*

#26 and #27.

If she’s moaning and grinding her hips against your face, for the love of all that’s holy…Don’t Stop!

Always a reblog!

Should be a reblog always!

Be messy and don’t pay attention to being too “clean”, be dirty and be vocal! Show her that she is and will forever be your addiction and your drug and all you are concentrating!

And, for God sake, bite it….make sure she knows you want her at your mercy and show so emotions! Show fire and passion! 🐺😈🤤

Read the comments like for real if every guy did this we would want you to eat us out more dangggg

Long post but it’s a hell of a PSA

DO NOT SUPPORT SALVATION ARMY 

I can back this up. It isn’t only their shelters.

I have a family friend who worked at our local Salvation Army headquarters as a a secretary. This particular office took all the Christmas donations for children in need, put them in a warehouse, and on a designated day the staff and their friends picked through them all, taking whatever they wanted. She saw people hauling away bikes donated for specific families. Some local children had hundreds of dollars of gifts donated in their name, and on Christmas they received three cheap things, items likely not even from the person who sponsored them.

My friend quit, and I’ve not given them a dime of my money since then.

Do not give to the Salvation Army.

Do Not. Give. To. Salvation. Army

My turn.

I’m a wildfire and disaster logistics specialist.

I deal with a lot of agencies who provide disaster relief.

I used to say the Salvation Army’s disaster services were the one (literally the ONE) good thing they did.

They would come in, set up a canteen trailer, make and pass out hot coffee and donated food in a disaster, usually being one of the first agencies to get there and the last to leave.

Then I found out.

Every time they did this, regardless of if they were actually invited or deployed by the agency in charge (usually FEMA, sometimes others) they would SELF-DEPLOY. Meanjng they would just show up. Ok. That’s not TOO bad, sometimes agencies have to take initiative and get there before the red tape is sorted out. BUT. They, after they left at the end of the incident, they would send FEMA or the host agency a BILL. They used one or two paid employees (usually the driver of the truck and a supervisor); and many VOLUNTEERS, but they would bill for EVERYONE’s Labor at standard federal rates. They would bill for the food they distributed even though it was all donated by another agency or private parties. They would bill for the coffee they made and the supplies. Except they would use electricity from the shelter location, water from donations or from the shelter, and in many cases, they would get the coffee and industrial filters DONATED, but bill for them at retail prices.

Don’t FUCKING give to the Salvation Army.

The Salvation Army is also ass to the workers. A good number of people join it, naively thinking that it’s doing good, and end up leaving cynical and beaten down. The management is hostile, if not outright abusive, and demand some ridiculous hours of it lower to mid-level staff. Don’t support these people.

Unsettling update

Find better local charities and shelters and give to them instead!

Also just for even more horrific context on the original twitter thread?

Salvation Army reached out to Milknmuffins and asked what shelter she’s at with the promise to address the abuse in it. She…ended up saying where she was. She was thrown out onto the street. It’s also all on Twitter.

They invited her to a personal talk so she could explain the situation in person.

And then they threatened her with a screenshot of a rape-threat made supposedly by her:

And then threw her out into the street while claiming she broke house rules that

So yeah, the Salvation Army is a bunch of entitled assholes that will treat the most vulnerable like shit if they dare try to do anything that makes them look bad

The “Fuck Salvation Army” posts are making the rounds again, so conisder this your reminder: Do. Not. Give. These. Assholes. A. Single. Fucking. Penny.

Do not support them in any way, shape, or form.

‘Tis the season to say FUCK the Salvation Army.

🌱Some helpful tips to keep healthy house plants🌱

IT’S NOT AT ALL SOUP SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS, AND YET IT IS ALWAYS SOUP SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS

My viral soup post hasn’t gotten reblogged in a while and needed to be updated, and @redheadmystic asked me about it today, so here’s a brand-new master post of soups, including most of the ones that were on the list before, as well as some newer favorites. I’ve made many more soups than just this list over the past year, but these selections are my very tip-top, most enthusiastically-recommended picks.

Adding these newly discovered favorites to the list:

Hi everyone! I haven’t done a soup masterpost in a while, so here’s an updated list of favorites/discoveries from the past year or so.

For only $20 you too can fuck Satan

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS CREAM. TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK. 

MEMORIZE THE PACKAGING SO YOU MAKE SURE YOU NEVER BUY THIS CREAM FOR YOURSELF OR ANYONE YOU LOVE.

This post is about vaginas. My vagina in particular. I get yeast infections pretty regularly, and until recently I was able to afford to see a doctor who could prescribe me fluconazole.

Fluconazole, a drug also known by the brand name Diflucan, is a small pink pill. You take two pills a few days apart from each other to restore balance and harmony to your bountiful folds. I’ve never ever had a bad side effect from taking this pill.

Cut to November 2016. I’m a recent college grad without reliable health care coverage in the process of finding a job. And I’m dealing with a yeast infection. Before I moved out of state, my previous doctor told me about Miconazole. She said it was as effective as the pill and hallelujah, it’s over the counter! I decided to purchase the cream pictured above. This treatment only lasted 3 days, a convenient time frame for my schedule.

The application process was a little messy, and some of the cream came in contact with my vulva and labia. Within 5 minutes every piece of skin that had come in contact with the cream, excluding my hands, was on fire. I wanted to scream it was so painful. I began frantically searching for what I should do online. 

I found a whole forum of people on drugs.com who had experienced something similar. These comments saved me, and these were just on the first page. There were 33 pages total, the earliest dated July 2009.

I was writhing in pain at 2AM when I found this forum (which I found by searching “my vagina burn itch hurts after miconazole” on Google). As soon as I read these comments I threw the devil cream directly into the trash and jumped in the shower. I didn’t feel any actual relief until I reached in and scraped the cream out of me. I paid $17 plus tax on this bullshit, but I could have just as easily ripped up my money or paid someone to not hurt me. 

The moral of the story is that vaginal health care is is completely fucked up because we don’t have access to an over the counter cure for yeast infections that is safe for our bodies and also YOU SHOULD NEVER BUY THIS CREAM EVER.

Reblog to save a vagina.

Okay so I used to get yeast infections every month after my period ‘cause my pH levels were fucked up or something (idk that’s what my doctor said) and I actually used to take this stuff and it was fine. Then a couple years down the road I had a yeast infection for the first time in ages and I used this again and it burned so bad I had to sit in the bath and like physically dig it out of my vagina

AND THEN I LEARNED THAT IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE A YEAST INFECTION. I had a bacterial infection, which is honestly pretty much identical to a yeast infection depending on the severity. The only difference is that IF YOU HAVE A BACTERIAL INFECTION AND TRY TO USE YEAST INFECTION MEDICATION IT WILL HURT

But it’s not actually the medication’s fault. The medication DOES do what it’s supposed to do, provided you’re actually suffering from a yeast infection. Chances are though that you and every one who commented on this did, in fact, have bacterial infections instead.

FORTUNATELY they also make over the counter tests so you can know if you need to call your doctor or just grab some yeast medicine off the shelf. Next time if you aren’t sure, pee on a stick and save yourself a world of fucking pain

AMEN.

It’s unfortunate that I’m 27 and never knew that last bit of information. The world of vaginal health is so obscure and inaccessible.

Reblogging because I too once found out the hard way that I had a bacterial & not yeast infection. 😑

I, too, once set my vagina aflame with miconazole. I didn’t know it was because of a bacterial infection. Reblogging to save a vag.

Reblogging to save a vag.

It’s almost like the shame and stigma thar surrounds vaginas is a danger to the health and well being of people who have vaginas.

Damn y'all #saveavag

PlayGhoul Bundle Print Set by CassandraDunnArt

Vol. 1 // Vol. 2

Nathan J. Anderson on Instagram

This is how the golden age of piracy ended.

The first mermaid to get tattoos :)

“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”

“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.

“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”

“i know.”

x

“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”

her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.

“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.

“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.

x

“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”

“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”

she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.

x

“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.

“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”

she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.

“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”

x

her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”

the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.

“why not?” the mermaid asks.

“he’ll win,” the first mate says.

the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.

x

the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.

“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”

x

the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.

“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”

they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.

she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.

the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.

x

she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.

x

“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.

she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.

“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”

the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time.

“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.

“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.

“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”

“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”

“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”

“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”

x

the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.

“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.

the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.

“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”

“and now?”

“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”

the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817

That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!

HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

I love this

Holy fuck

Oh wow, this was beautiful. Not sure about the twerking skeleton but it did save me from a story-induced ugly cry so it can stay I guess

So I read the story @dragonsateyourtoast wrote and fell in love with it. I’ve been practicing bookbinding lately and made myself a physical copy of Calliope’s Tale. It’s 172 pages total :) I’m stuck on what to do for a cover since I don’t have anything big enough to use, but for now I think it’s lovely without one. I will definitely wear this out reading it over and over again.

@littlefreya and @the-soot-sprite you have to read this gem!

It’s back!! Thank you for bringing it back to my dash again @viking-raider I love this story

I’M SORRY I’M JUST SWEATING FROM MY EYES

“We started out with clues and now it’s student loans.” Steve, PLEASE.

Oh goodness 😭😭😭

25 YEARS OF BLUES CLUES?!

Y’all I watched this shit from the moment I came out of the womb. Who knew I needed fucking CLOSURE from Steve leaving me as a kid 😭😭

HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE

MAKE A WISH

the first post ever on tumblr

I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK

World Heritage Post

like actually though. i’m in AWE of the notecount.

My subscribers-only feed will ONLY have cropped versions of this post! Give me your money now!

Reblogging for myself

reblogging for those that follow me that may be starting to move out

not to be dramatic or anything but i would fucking die for you violet

The best part is the fact that out of the two of them Martha Stewart was the one who went to prison.

Wait…what?

Wiiiiild. He did commit murder (in self defense - no judging) and America‘s Best Housewife was sent to jail because of insider trading, securities fraud, obstruction of justice and conspiracy. This is wiiiiiild 😄😄😄

also he has every right to make fun of kanye west considering snoop has had a successful career for about two decades including his own cookbook and appearing in movies whereas kanye is a flat earther who had to crowdfund another album because he ran out of money despite kim kardashian being with him, not having the money to produce another album should be the metric when you know you can tell a musician has failed somewhere in either money management or actually being a musician rather then a famous trainwreck

snoop dogg is a good man who loves cooking, nature, and supporting the dreams of young children in poverty. kanye west helped get trump elected.

seriously though check out his cookbook its beautiful

and filled with lgiht humor, legit cooking, and charming life stories

Whenever I think about snoop I remember that episode of cribs where he lived in an unusually modest house compared to everyone else on that show, spent the entire time with his young daughter hugging onto his leg and dragging her around as he walked. He even talked about how he didn’t want his kids to be musicians and that he just wants them to have a chance at a normal life / he doesn’t wish music career drama on anyone

The dude is mega down to earth for having a networth of 135 million dollars and staying relevant for longer than some of the top charting musicians have been alive

he says he keeps a supply of poptarts in the house for his nieces/nephews and grandkids but admits theyre really for him and then goes on to discuss what selection of condiments your fridge should have to jazz up leftover takeout hes one of the most thoroughly human humans ive ever known of

Doesn’t he also coach football for kids, and stops smoking during the season to set a good example for the kids?

all these people going on about how Hozier is the peak representation of musical soft masculinity when Snoop has been out here rocking the smoothest braids and most hype manicures for decades

Have you seen his Planet Earth voiceover video? It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. Man knows nothing about otters

Plizzanet Earth is a joy. Here’s the playlist:

Why has no one ever told me about Plizzanet Earth oh my god

Snoop is legit; don’t come for him. 

He also did an episode of Storybots and my kids adore the computer man. Which is wild to me. Cuz I remember gangster rap Snoop. And we love and support Snoop in this house.

Love him, great man

Hozier is the peak of good white masculinity. Snoop is the peak of good Black masculinity, and on top of what Hozier does, Snoop adds something a lot of Black children never get to see—you can be a man, you can have “cred,” you can be cool, and also know how to make cookies. (Hozier is great, but he’s never been cool a day in his life and he freely admits this. The two of them have very different kinds of good masculinity both culturally and personally.)

There’s this idea—and the tweet opening this thread exemplifies it—that being “gangsta” means being self-absorbed, materialistic, and violent. Snoop is just like “nah, I have bling and street talk and I’m higher than a kite and also I love my kids and cooking and FUCK your toxic masculinity,” and that’s an important message. You can have the look, if you like the look, but you don’t have to be a stereotype to have the look.

So I went to the Josh Fight

a summary:

- Two Josh Swains were in attendance. OG Josh, hailing from Arizona

- And Nebraska's own Josh Swain, from Omaha.

(feat. An Audio Engineer doing THE MOST for that sound quality)

-All the local news stations were there

- The majority of attendees were from out of state

- The two Josh Swains battled for supremacy by Rock Paper Scissors duel.

- The victor? Josh Swain, from Arizona. A crushing defeat for Josh Swain, who despite having none of Josh Swain's newfound Twitter Clout, DID have the home team advantage, as well as a Great Look.

- Following the Josh Swain Duel and coronation of the One True Josh Swain, there was an All-Josh pool noodle battle royale

- A brief list of notable Josh Variants I saw in this battle:

The rules were simple. Enter the ring and fight honorably (no headshots, no hits below the belt.) If you are hit with a pool noodle, you are dead, having fallen in glorious battle. The last Josh standing would be the winner.

The battle lasted a little over sixty seconds in total. The final victor was....

LITTLE JOSH, THE SMALLEST COMBATANT.

The crowd was going wild. The chanting for Little Josh was deafening. Truly there could have been no better outcome.

pool noodle combat was then opened to the general public, for fun rather than glory.

As for Josh Prime, he seemed like a very cool dude! As of last reporting, he raised $6600 dollars for the Children's Hospital and a truckload of nonperishables for the local food bank alongside the other Josh Fight attendees! He offered masks to any maskless people he met, and did his best to keep things as safe and socially distanced as he could, despite the ungodly amount of people who showed up to this random fucking field outside of Lincoln, Nebraska.

(Also for the Nebraskans: Yes he tried a Runza, and yes he says he enjoyed it.)

So anyway. Shoutout to the one and only Josh Swain.