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Lost my view trying to scribble out the colors of you

Marking out each word you said that stuck to me like glue

I'm suffocating my skin and heart are turning blue

A special shade that I once loved but now you've just ruined the hue

Maybe one day you'll look back and think maybe it was a mistake

Maybe the mistake Im meant to make is the truth that I can't shake

What if the world was ending tomorrow

Would you still say my idea of love was fake

You can smash my heart a hundred times but one breathe is all it takes

Please hear me when I'm calling out

I'm trying hard but the sound keeps dying out

My eyes filled with tears but still drying out

Left me so emptied and fooled yet I'm still here with all this doubt

I shouldn't have to scream or cry or even shout

Whisper you name and forgot who I'd be without

As you seek restlessly through the night

In search of what brings you light

In the cold dark fear of fright

Will you overcome or simply lose sight

Engraved in my memory

like a melody

But instead

Inside my head

I'd hoped to be happy

Would instead

Start to slap me

Back and fourth

Wasn't sure what for

But damn sure i couldn't take no more.

How long can I pretend like everything is okay

Do you still get that feeling

Like the butterflies are on the run

That feeling in your stomach

The one that feels like love

Is this wrong of me to ask you

Will I ever be enough

But no one told me

That the truth would be so tough

It was hard for me to to grasp it

When I felt so alone

The nights I lay awake and dream it

My spirit was gone

The emptiness consumed me

And made me ask it wrong

Will I ever be enough

Will I ever be enough

But no one told me

That the road would be so rough.

I don't need these harsh reminders

Taken away with quick grinders

Sign of change were never brighter

Calmed down to light the lighter

I'm so tired of feeling alone

Tired of making you feel worse

I'm scared you're going to leave

But not if I leave first

I'm tired of searching for my place on earth

But not as tired as I am of feeling this hurt

In my dreams we're in love

when I wake up it gets tough

I never feel like I'm enough

So I keep sleeping to chase the love

The visual fantasy is a bluff

But I keep dreaming

Because the real world is too rough

Something just feel off when you leave like you shouldn't be

I am trying so damn hard to avoid negativity right now why is the universe throwing so much of it in my face

I'm not tryna die yet I got stories to tell

See our struggles were not the same

I aint heard shooters go off on my block

you'd probably feel the same

None of that bullet rain

I aint seen another go in some pockets

Of a man who lost his game

But that shits insane

My struggle been different

But this world is still to blame

The hardest part of winning

is running from the shame

If you struggled in my mud

You'd probably feel the same

Now speak a little higher of my name

Hey universe this kind of a lot rn can we chill

I speak words that feel like dreams

I get lost in what that means

Faded not what it seems

My minds missing what it needs

I run out of things to say

Is it better off that way

Is it truly how it seems

Your words sing to me in my dreams

These images in my head

From dreams of dread

And confusion

I know I'm losing

How long could you watch your self die before you gave up?

I'm so tired of only feeling happy when I'm high and empty.

I'm so tired of lying that it doesn't hurt.