I still think it’s wild that humans were so desperate for a cure to syphilis, and are so inherently fucking insane as a species, that someone had the brilliant–and i mean genuinely brilliant–idea of ‘what if we burned it out with a fever’. Like can you imagine the fucking thought process that eventually led from that to ‘i know, I’ll catch malaria, that’ll burn it out!’ AND THAT THE HUMAN BODY IS ALSO SO FUCKING INSANE THAT IT DID.

Imagine! The aliens are just gobsmacked by the first humans they meet–who are ofc a bunch of scientists.

But then they meet our historians.

@cenedrariva and now, I want Nog being sincerely horrified and fascinated because let faces it, Nog LOVES weird, awful and awesome human. 

Other weird cures for syphilis included pouring mercury into a cream or lotion and rubbing it into the skin so tbh if I had a choice between the two I’d rather catch malaria

Yep this is true! And actually, mercury is a very effective antibiotic and does kill the syphilis! It just… also kills everything else, including you. XD

orihime, watch your man.

guess what the bleach ending turned me into? yes, a home wrecker.

—wherein oc flirts with a married man on broad daylight. (and that's ichigo supposedly drinking his coffee in peace)

OKAY HSSKKS tis just a joke i absolutely dont promote home wrecking pls. and ion have anything against ichihime, this is just me simping for the love of my life😜

Oh, come on. His response would be. "Get lost". Because if he didn't say that, Rukia would straight up murder this girl for trying to hurt Orihime. Also, only Orihime gets to flirt with her little brother.

Xerneas

I’m DM and the party are travelling through a swamp. They have to cross a log floating in the mire to get to their destination. One of the party rolls badly on acrobatics and slips into the bog, and, upon hearing the noise, a crocodile begins to slowly approach them. The party panic and quickly start looking for a way to get their companion out. Our cleric is looking through her spell list.

Cleric: “Are crocodiles considered a humanoid? I want to charm it.”

Cue a chorus of “No?? What????”

Honestly, for a moment I was tempted to allow it for the shits and giggles.

Capitalism isn't the problem. Corporatism is. Until you understand the difference, the world will never get better.

Writing Prompt #1516

“You locked yourself in the brig?”

“I’m very skilled at messing things up, I’m well aware. Are you going to ridicule me, or are you going to free me?”

"No, I still have to expel the pirates. And as you said, YOU are very skilled at messing things up. Later."

MOUSE ARMOUR

mouse anemone

Mouse condo, previously owned by Venus Williams, desirable neighborhood, available immediately.

That's so cute 😭😭

Ladrien doodle! 

“YOU’RE TELLING ME I DRANK CRAYONS FOR NOTHING?!”

-My dragonborn warlock after realizing that intellect devourers don’t actually reduce intelligence if they don’t reduce a creature’s INT score to zero

—

“Now that I’m not in mortal danger, I don’t know how to speak to my father”

Nyx the gnome artificer, after killing an Ancient White Dragon and returning home

"I am NOT violating the sacred froggy area!"

-after helping two frogs get to their magic pond for a ritual

— - the Cleric, after having picked up an orb that promptly blew up them and the Rogue, killing both and turning them into Ghosts.

[Monk/Ranger is actively avoiding saying hello to the warlock, who is also the general of a foreign army.]

NPC: Monk/Ranger, do not be rude to our guests. Monk/Ranger: But Dad said he’s a douche! NPC: Don’t be mean to your douche. Bard: After all, they really clean house.

Context: I play in a group that runs different loosely-connected one-shots regularly, and our last one saw a member of our regular Adventurers-For-Hire league get sent to help out with a situation in a Candyland-esque kingdom. The Big Bad was basically trying to stage a coup, and most of his minions were defectors from the rightful ruler’s guard. In our party, we had an Oath of the Crown Paladin who served the ruler.

Paladin, on first turn in combat: I step into the room and look around at the guards. They’re defectors, right? Do I know these guys?

DM: One guy, you don’t know. But the other guy you recognize as Big Joe. 

Paladin: Joe? Joe Ginger? Is that you? Does your mother know your here?

DM, laughing: Roll intimidation with advantage.

Paladin: …19.

DM, as Big Joe: Aww, c'mon, [Paladin].

Paladin: As soon as I get out of here, I am telling your mother what you’ve been doing, young man.

Revenge and Justice. But mostly revenge.

We had apprehended a man responsible for many deaths; most notably to our group, my character's best friend from 8 years before.

My character, Ash, was given the opportunity to choose his punishment, and it just so happens that our Death Cleric, Mercy, enjoys vivisection in her free time.

We took him back to our necromancer friend's camp, where he'd set up an "office" for Mercy.

Once we had him restrained properly, Ash woke him up.

"Good morning. This is Mercy. She'll be your... caretaker. Your jailer."

Mercy smiled. Her baby manticore came closer, and Ash continued.

"This is Mir. She'll get to know you very well."

Mir smiled with all her teeth and flew up to sit on his chest.

As Ash walked out, nodding to Mercy, Tyriad (the necromancer) walked in, accompanied by the ghost of Ash's best friend.

The man strapped to the table screamed.

Mercy smiled. "Already? We haven't even started yet."