I only get better
❤️🖤💚
if ur a non black person & have black children for the love of god LEARN HOW TO DO BLACK HAIR.
Your kids are out here looking crazy.
lol I feel like I’m constantly talking about change and transitional periods of my life but I feel like I’m going through such a big one right now. The only difference is that it’s not forced this time.
Well- I guess some of it is. Some of it feels like a run on of the overall transition I’ve been going through since my brother died. It’s been a lot of things these past 3 years that I’ve held onto that I’m finally letting go. Friends. Family. Behaviors. Reactive behaviors. Coping mechanisms. Addictions. Idk. I feel like I’ve always understood that these are things I’ve wanted to do for a long time but never actually put in the work to do it. Or I’d start the process then drop it in the middle of it. Sometimes suffering felt more comfortable to me. I’m feel like I’m finally being honest with myself, which helps a whole lot. It’s crazy what you unlock when you start taking accountability for yourself.
I’m losing so many people in the process tho. Friends who fight the same demons as me, who I ultimately can’t be around if I want change for the better. Friends who I just realize have very fickle and fake tendencies. Friends who I had severe codependent relationships with. And the hardest, abusive family members. My mom. I obviously can’t just cut my mom off for good but I just cut off the closeness of her.
I haven’t really allowed myself to feel the grief of these things yet. (Probably because I know it could consume me) I’m in such a “whatever, what’s next?” Mindset. I’m tired of feeling. Then again maybe I am feeling, but in different ways. I mean I fuckin worked out so hard yesterday that I was crying while I was jogging. It was like releasing all of these emotions. Like Ofc I’m fucking sad about these things. But I’ve spent so much of my life being sad about things or trying to make sense of them or trying to make myself feel better. Hyper focusing on things I can’t control and not focusing on those I can. You want to get blacked out drunk anytime we hang out? Cool. Guess we won’t be hanging out. You want to act weird towards me because I’m not feeding your ego / being apart of a unstable ass girl friend group where you all talk shit on each other and use each other one way or another? Okay lol go ahead. You want to go off on me over little things and manipulate me with things you do for me? Alright, I just won’t take the favors anymore. You want to follow random bitches or message them behind my back while we’re in relationship? I hope it’s fruitful for you!
Like I’m done expecting anything. From anyone that has already shown me what to expect over and over again.
I’m thru with it. I have a whole life envisioned for myself. I’m done playing games now.
greys anatomy is so corny my god
How did I not see this until rn
