“Weird Al” Yankovic was doing an unplugged concert at my school. Now, I am persistently late for things and this was no exception. Right when his show was about to start, I finally made it to the auditorium where I hastily ran over to the front benches where there still were empty seats. Of course I tried my best to be discreet, not wanting to keep the others waiting, although I didn’t realize at first I had sat down pretty much RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Only a few feet apart. Al’s face beamed up with an expression of sarcastic surprise, looking straight into my eyes. I was worried I had offended him. Then he, while keeping his expression, read out loud whatever text was on my graphic t-shirt that day. Which just completely freaked me out since my entire shirt was hidden underneath a sweater.
I saw Weird Al when I was sitting in an alleyway or something and I asked to take a selfie with him and he accepted. I attempted to do exactly that, but each time I tried snapping the photo, something bad happened (blurry picture, I fell down while taking it, etc) and he eventually got so pissed that he was about to walk off but I asked for one more chance and finally managed to take a decent picture, but he looked really mad and now I’m worried that Weird Al is angry at me for no reason (in real life).
- The signs as horoscopes
- Aries: the look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40 pound watermelon in your colon. trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf and give a hickey to Meryl Streep
- Taurus: you will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep
- Gemini: your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence. your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
- Cancer: the position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud. try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test
- Leo: now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss' face. eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding and wash it down with a gallon of strawberry quik
- Virgo: all Virgos are extremely and intelligent except for you. expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
- Libra: a big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you. laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week
- Scorpio: get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window. work a little bit harder on improving your low self esteem, you stupid freak
- Sagittarius: all your friends are laughing behind your back [K I L L T H E M]. take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den
- Capricorn: the stars say you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying. if I were you I'd lock my doors and never never never leave my house again
- Aquarius: there's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus. fill that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole 17 hours a day
- Pisces: try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus. you are the true Lord of the Dance no matter what those idiots at work say
I was outside of my 5th grade school’s auditorium/performing arts centre, and there was this weird platform that replaced the stairs. My ex-friend and I walked onto it. We stood there for a second before Weird Al Yankovic’s demented doppelgänger pulled up in this huge monster truck and picked us up. We had no trouble getting in.
- The signs based on 'Thats Your Horoscope for Today' by Weird Al Yankovic:
- Aries: The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon. Give a hickey to Meryl Streep.
- Taurus: You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.
- Gemini: Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence. Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest.
- Cancer: The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud. Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test.
- Leo: Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face. Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik
- Virgo: All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you. Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick.
- Libra: A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you. Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week.
- Scorpio: Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window. Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak.
- Sagittarius: All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them). Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den.
- Capricorn: The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying. If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again.
- Aquarius: There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus. Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day.
- Pisces: Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus. You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say.
today on tumblr: random account pops up impersonating weird al yankovic and is so successful in tricking hundreds of users that the real weird al, who had previously never used tumblr, was forced to create an account and personally address the impersonator after a submitted post to them was taken for sarcasm. I know this shit seems too wild to be true so I’ve included sources to the actual accounts in this post so you know this actually fucking happened.
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