Feeling of discontinuity as a person. My various selves–how do they all come together? And anxiety at moments of transition from one “role” to another. Will I make it fifteen minutes from now? Be able to step into, inhabit the person I’m supposed to be? This is felt as an infinitely hazardous leap, no matter how often it’s successfully executed.
Susan Sontag, from As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks 1964-1980
So I realized my tumblr bio could be taken as sarcasm but I have died a few times and like. Woke up crying with minor injuries. Lemme explain.
So I snapped my neck as a child on the playground and was unresponsive for like three minutes?? Yeah don’t hang from your legs on the monkey bars unless you got the strength. My neck was sore for about two days but like. The supervisors walked me up to the office to cancel the call of “Her neck snapped so violently we need a grief counselor ASAP.” One friend told me my chest stopped moving and the crunch/snap pf my neck was heard across the entire playground/open grass all the way to the other playground. A lot of people weren’t okay with that. I think I was 6 or 7 then.
My dog chewed my head until it bleed but like I didn’t die thats just fucked up for a 7 year old to go through.
I vomited near constant for two weeks, didn’t eat for a week and a half, and didn’t have water for at least three days cause it got to my mouth and I spit it out as I vomited. I think I was 5 ½ then.
I was dumb and decided to ride my bike under a tractor trailer, hit my non helmet wearing head. Rosa found me and rushed me to her truck for band aids while praying to St. Maria and simultaneously cursing my father for not paying attention to his only daughter. Apperently I had been missing for an hour and the blood didn’t look too good. (Age 3 ½-4)
Leg infection from the one time I cut it on a river rock. It was shit for a few days then I remember blacking out and then suddenly the pain was gone when someone ‘woke’ me up by screaming. The infection was cleared out a few days later cause Im a shit and picked my scabs. (Age 4).
I burnt myself to 3rd degree level burns like…. 8 different times. I didn’t die but I have no scars thankfully. One was a sunburn.
Lots and lots of fevers when I was a baby all the way to age 9. The one time it was recorded at 109° I was in school and was only kinda focusing.
I think my step grandmother tried to poison me once. Not sure but everyone told me when I was little I wasn’t allowed to be alone with her. I am pretty sure its cause she is a bitch, but I have a memory of her giving me dog treats cause I asked why did her dogs get treats and I couldn’t have a cookie. So I got dog treats. But she did let me have the salt from the rim of her margaritas and those little swords as well.
Thats what I remember, pretty sure I got bite by a snake when I was 3 or 4 but its hazy cause like. I was busy playing with sticks. But yeah the whole being dead thing? I’m really bad at it. I just remember small pockets of black and the someone screaming when I wake up typically.
I was incredibly lucky to commission the fantastic @zaffyrr to draw John and my dep El enjoying some down time in her cabin and, in all honesty, I don’t think words can explain how much I utterly love this. The lighting, the pose, the background. Everything about this is perfect! It’s more beautiful than I could have ever possibly imagined. I can’t thank them enough for painting this moment between them both, and bringing El’s cabin to life for me. I am just completely in love with this 😭💖
Thank you SO much for this piece, I love it more than words can ever say 💕💕
Sorry but when there’s a stoic Whumpee and a not-so-stoic whumpee in the same boat.
The stoic has been through this before. They know how to take the pain, they know how to last until the body gives to darkness, and they know how to last when that darkness gives to consciousness again. Again, and again, without spilling a word.
The not-so-stoic… well, not so much. They don’t know what waking up in a cell with chains binding them to the cement is like. They don’t know what waits beyond the heavy door, and they don’t know why Stoic is telling them to breathe deeply, and to sit straight, and don’t look at anything but the wall in front of you no matter what.
They don’t know what the Whumper is capable of. But Stoic does, and for the first time in a long time, they have a reason to comply sitting right next to them.
warning(s) – homophobia, insecurities, anxiety, gif credit to its owner.
synopsis – « inspired by the song singularity by kim taehyung /v »
The room was dead silent, the only thing that was really making any noise was the clock on the wall not far from where you were sitting. It echoed loudly in the house, which wasn’t exactly normal, since the giggles or laughs tended to bounce off the walls.
But this time was different.
The atmosphere was different, and so was the situation.
Your were laying on Mingi’s chest, head resting on the centre with your fingers tracing undiscovered shapes along the maroon wool fabric of his shirt. You weren’t even thinking about anything, your mind was blank. It was wandering, yet it wasnt. You were too focused on the colour of Mingi’s shirt and the feeling of the material. How secure was the one your leg over his thigh actually? It was a cold night, and the heater isn’t even on, so why aren’t you cold? Just very basic thoughts were making their way around your head, nothing of major importance.
However, Mingi’s thoughts were different. He just spent a whole dinner with his friends. You weren’t there with him, despite the fact that there was a legitimate reason he didn’t invite you. He didn’t want his friends to know that he was dating you. But the more he was thinking about it, that didn’t seem legitimate enough for him.
He wanted to show you off at his dinner, it wasn’t even a special occasion. But everytime he told himself he’d tell his friends that he’s dating a boy, it made him anxiously shake. It made him breathe heavily and it made him want to cry. He hated knowing he was scared of the outcome, scared of what people close to him would think.
He hated needing to put on a mask in front of those he wants to consider family, and only be able to take it off when he’s around you.
Part of him knows that his friends would be supportive of his sexuality. Yet deep down he’s frightened of even the potentiality of them not accepting him.
You thought Mingi stopped breathing for a second, then let out one of those shaky breaths he achieves when he’s nervous. There was a furrow of your brows in curiosity before you gently looked up at your boyfriend, a small frown of concern expressed to him; “Honey, are you okay?”
Mingi’s eyes were set on the television in front of you, nothing was there, but he was staring at himself from the black screen. His appearance was a bit of a blur, but he could still see you cuddled up to him nonetheless. He looked down at you, a quick-painted smile making its way on his lips, “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”
You nodded reluctantly, your eyes shifting their gaze before you placed your head back down onto his chest, this time snuggling into it as your way of reminding them you’re right here for him.
The same shaky breath emitted from Mingi, this time that little bit louder. He carefully placed his hand on the top of your head, gently tracing down to your cheek.
You slightly looked up at him, just to make sure he was actually okay.
Mingi was crying.
“Honey!” You jumped onto your knees next to him, taking a hold of the hand on your cheek and placing your other hand on his, wiping away the tears that were rolling down his face as best you could. They kept falling, and you could tell by the way he was sniffing that he was genuinely trying to hold himself from doing so. “Mingi, baby. Baby, what’s wrong?” You said, concern for your boyfriend all over your face.
“I–” Mingi tried to talk, but his throat wouldn’t allow him. He was too busy choking on his own tears, and now that you caught him crying, there was no reason to try to hide it. Mingi looked at you through teary eyes, “You love me. Right?”
You furrowed your brows. “Why would you ask such a thing? Of course I love you.”
Mingi averted his gaze from you, drops of tears were still making their way down his cheeks. He couldn’t look at you, only because he genuinely didn’t know what to say. He had a feeling as to what the cause of the heavy emotions may be, but he didn’t know how he could address it to you properly.
“Mingi. Please, breathe.” You placed one of your hands on his chest, pressing on it lightly, “Deep breaths, babe. Deep breaths. There you go..”
Your boyfriend did his best to do so. He listened to your instructions, he breathed in and breathed out. His chest rising and falling to the rhythm you were exaggerating for his sake.
He loves, he just loves you so much. Your caring behaviour, your selfless actions. God, he just adored you so much more than you could possibly imagine.
Mingi continued, taking a hold of the hand that you had on his chest, so you knew he was calming down. A final shaky breath left his lips, his tears stopped and he’d calmed himself to the point his breaths were at a normal enough pace.
You stopped too, carefully looking at your boyfriend, “Mingi. I need you to tell me what’s wrong,” You demanded, softly yet firmly, “I’m not willing to let my boyfriend sleep with something this intense in mind.”
“Don’t you hate me?” Mingi’s voice almost came out as a whisper, but it hit you like a yell. “I tell everyone you’re my friend. I’m not brave enough to tell people we’re together. I’m so scared of what people think that I… I don’t think that you might feel neglected or something…”
You blinked, looking down for half a second in thought, before sadly looking back up at him, “Why didn’t you just talk to me? God knows how long this has been on your mine.”
“I… I didn’t know if I could handle the answer…” Another tear left Mingi’s eyes, this one from the left, “I thought you might leave me, find a guy who’s not scared to show you off, call you his boyfriend and–”
“–Mingi, shut up.” You snapped, taking a hold of the other’s cheeks, “Shut up. Don’t talk. Listen to me, okay?”
He tensed, but you look his silence as an answer.
“I love you. I love you so much. Do you understand?” You said, eyes wide in doing your best to show how serious you were, “I love you so much, and if you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. I can’t force you to make such a decision.”
“B-But, it shouldn’t be such a big deal,” Mingi cried, “Everyone should know, I shouldn’t have to hide you out of fear, I–”
“I know, I know. But that’s the world we live in, and sometimes we have to put on a mask to protect ourselves, Mingi.” Your own tear slipped from your cheek, you hadn’t even realised that your voice shook until the tear slipped down to your chin. You breathed heavily, “All we can do is wait for a little. Just until we feel safe. Okay, baby? We can do that, yeah?”
Mingi closed his eyes, bringing the palm of your hand to his lips to place a small kiss. A promise and a reminder.
Fuck, he loves you so much.
He just needed the reminder that the same amount of love was coming from you too.
i wanted to write something for Zim, Red, and Purple’s relationship with each other bc god if i’m not a sucker for a healthy relationship.
Dib wasn’t the nicest guy, and he made sure he appeared that way. However, when the literal embodiment of sunshine and rainbows is walking beside you, your “tough” cred slowly fades away. The male let out a sigh as a school acquaintance came over to talk to Zim, who was chatting about whatever.
Oh right, Zim didn’t like to be ignored. Trying to spare himself of the god awful talk he would get if he ignored the alien, he slowly tuned into what ever Zim was talking about while shooing off the person who was coming.
“…tudent teacher conference are coming up, actually! Will your parents attend?”
Looks like Dib managed to tune in at the right time. He shrugged, when it suddenly dawned on him. The question raised out of his throat before he even thought twice about it.
“Do you even have parents?” Dib slightly regretted the question soon as it came out
JSNZKZ AAAAH MY GOD WHY DIDNT I SEE THIS SOONER!?!?? HHH I LOVE THIS SO FAR AND IM SO SORRY FOR NOT SEEING IT SOONER!! THANK YOU SO MUCH DARLING AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT ELSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE!!! 🌹🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹❤️🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹
“It’s impressive of course. As a fellow racer, all you can do is really respect what he’s done. There’ll be always people saying ‘great car, great team’ and all that and yes, maybe, but also, to hold that level week in, week out – there’s so much more involved in this sport than just driving, there’s the circus, and for him to hold that level for all these years at the top of the circus, you can only just respect that. Six titles – not many at all have done that, so I tip my hat to him.”
HXJDJS AAAH GUYS MOTHANON JUST UPDATED AND THIS IS CHAPTER 10!!!! HHH PLS GO GIVE THIS BEAN LOVE BC I SWEAR THEY KEEP WRITING AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND JUST DJDBSJSB ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹❤️🌹❤️❤️❤️
“When you’ve Allāh you don’t need anyone else to hear out your problems, because you know that you’re calling upon the One Who has your best interests as a priority and at the same time is fully capable of helping you at any time”