tfw you’re drowning in ur mental illnesses so much so that washing your face and brushing your teeth and clipping your nails are big personal victories because you’ve lost all motivation to do even the most basic tasks and simple personal hygiene takes tremendous effort
u know when yr borderline so u get so unnecessarily attached to people’s routines especially when they involve you - down to their style of speaking to you and how they react to your jokes - so when anything changes like they don’t message you around the time they usually do or they use different words or mannerisms yr brain goes ABANDONMENT ABANDONMENT and you start to prepare for the inevitable neglect and just try to accept that okay this person hates me now gotta start learning to live with it
I literally have no fucking clue who I am, sometimes I think I’m a super nice person who has been unfairly treated in life and that everyone should love me but other times I’m convinced I’m the most horrible person in the world who can’t possibly have any real friends and that I deserve all the suffering I’ve gone through as punishment for who I am.
fun bpd things: because you have emotional impermanence you feel like everybody else has emotional impermanence and could suddenly stop liking you at any time so you exhaust yourself by constantly trying to re-earn everyone’s love and friendship
some of you have never been in the position of having a personality disorder that forces you to question whether or not you are being manipulative whenever you express any negative emotion forcing you to bottle everything up and it really shows
when you’re a painfully self aware borderline so you know what you’re doing, you know why this is happening, you know it’s irrational beyond belief and you’re really so very tired of your own shit but you just. can’t help it.
tbpdfw you wanna ask someone the classic bpd question of “am i annoying/bugging you?” but you’re afraid either: a - asking them will just annoy them thus making the question a self-fulfilling prophecy, or b - the answer will be “yes.”
Tbpdfw why am I not your Number One Priority?? Like I mean I know that it’s selfish and unrealistic for me to be the most important thing to u and I most definitely do not deserve it but I just………gotta be more important than any other thing ever to u
tbpdfw you’re literally jealous of every person your fp talks to but you can’t tell them about it because it’s not right and jealousy is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and you aren’t even dating !!!!!!
it's ok to need a little validation sometimes :)
y-yes.. yes... it certainly is ok... to need validation... SOMETIMES... *sweats* n-not like... I'd need it, uh, every second of my waking life...... that'd be fucked up wouldn't it... haha... yeah.... sometimes.............