1.15.21

P2W1D3

I almost skipped today

In a strange twist of events, playing Beat Sabers last night was the hardest workout I’ve ever done?

Ok not really but I woke up feeling extremely sore which I didn’t even feel after my half marathon 😂 that’s just hysterical to me. My legs feel like jelly.

Still need to officially add my weekly pt routine to my watch but for now I’m just adding empty workout slots so I at least have a record of my consistency.

Anyways, I kept having to stop my workouts to go..ya know...work, but in the end I got it all done. Even snuck in some treadmill SO I WONT HAVE TO PACE AROUND TONIGHT TO GET MY STEPS IN! WOOOOOOHOOOOO

G and I are streaming Wanda Vision tonight with family and friends and before that we’re going to play with the new VR system we got. I’m half dreading it half excited. She wants to play FNAF which we bought last night and I was to scared to play 😂

Oh soul, you worry too much. You have seen your own strength. You have seen your own beauty. You have seen your golden wings. Why do you worry?  Rumi

The truth is — almost relationships can hurt just as much as real relationships because connection isn’t measured in time. When your heart connects with someone, it connects with someone. Sometimes, that depth is fostered over years. And sometimes you crash into another human being, and despite only knowing them for a short collection of moments, you know that they are going to mean something to you. You know that you are going to care. There are no rules.

But, the hardest lesson you will ever learn is that — you won’t always end up with those you feel something deep and meaningful with. Some chapters of our lives are full and dizzying in the best way — with concrete endings and concrete closure. But some chapters end quickly, sometimes in the middle of the page, sometimes even before we are ready. What we don’t often realize is that that is closure, too. Because it’s still an ending.

So when you are holding all of this hurt within you, when you are gripping at all of the ways you could have loved someone beautifully and fully and with every inch of your human heart if you had just been given the chance — remember that you want to be loved and chosen. Not almost loved or almost chosen. If someone can't do that, you deserve to discover someone who can.

Because the right person will be consistent. The right person will put forth the appropriate amount of effort. The right person will make everything feel easy, natural. Almosts aren’t natural. You have all of this hope, and all of this feeling, and you’re trying to give it to someone who doesn’t want to hold it. You’re trying to convince someone that you’re worthy of being chosen. But the right person will choose you. The right person will stay.

Remind yourself that you deserve to feel like someone is excited to be with you, that someone is excited to commit to you, and dive into something concrete and foundational with you. You deserve someone who wants the same things, someone who wants to meet all of your hope with action. Someone who sees you. Someone who isn’t afraid of being responsible for your heart. Someone who embraces it. 💛