“I know your pizza order by heart” “You have freckles on your ears” “You always make this face when you’re tired” “You order green tea on a good day, black tea on a bad day” “The tips of your ears turn red when you’re angry” “I knew you’d say something like that” “I know your favorite color is light blue” “Your favorite pie is pumpkin, right?” “I know your phone number, don’t worry” “You miss me, i can tell” “You bite your nails when you’re bored” “You don’t like converse unless they’re high tops” “Your favorite cereal is cinnamon toast crunch and you first ate it when you were 8”
Let’s stop playing games with people feelings, and also stop thinking that you are fooling him or her. They do know what you are doing. They just choose not to say anything, because they know they would deny and put there guard up. Then say how could you ask something like that. Don’t lead people on or play games with people’s heart. If you don’t want them, let them go. Keep it real at all times.
Neat and even - late nights with books to the nose, glasses folded away, perfectionism, carefully ironed clothes, more stationary than sense, polished shoes, huge home library filled with things they plan to read but never will
Messy and rushed - cramming all night, piled up coffee cups and crushed energy drink cans, a sense of importance, impulsive decisions paired with lazy laughter, a walking contradiction, always up to talk when needed
Loopy and cute - pen pal letters painstakingly decorated, heart dotted i’s, studio ghibli movies, bullet journal, pastel outfits perfectly matched, cute when sleepy, really good at calligraphy, always singing under mumbles
Indecipherable - rubbed eyes and chipped nails, assignments handed in with seconds to spare, master of procrastination, unmade sheets, the kind of person who puts ‘nrs’ on their snapchat story but reply immediately
Sometimes when you’re lying next to me, fingers tangled in my hair while your hand rests on my cheek… When you’re fast asleep… My heart physically aches; like love has filled me up so much that I can hardly contain it and if I don’t cry, I’ll explode. My throat feels like a volcano ready to erupt; my breathing short. I never ever would have guessed that this is what love felt like. - ReBecca DeFazio (More Than A Flower)
i love how quizzes have become poems for us, songs, stories where half the fun is exploration of the journey (knowing there are other paths than the one we chose), and half is the discovery of the ending
we want to be told what we are in a way that matters. we want to know that other people think the strange and sad and beautiful things we do, in the middle of the night, when we feel like we’re free-floating in space, alone
we want to find ourselves in scraps of poetry and in descriptions of landscapes, in the stained glass fragments of other people’s dreams, because these lovely things have always been a part of us, sometimes we just need reminding
we want to know that we have purpose, that we have identity, that we are never truly alone. we are never alone because there are others like us- whose minds are also full of constellations of the things we love, in constant chaotic orbit around our hearts
there will always be others who bleed like us, who laugh like us, who fight like us- others who believe in us
and we want to share all of this with them. we want to explore each other’s choices, to glimpse pieces of the souls of strangers, as we are brought together, just for one ephemeral moment, at a place where our orbits converge
because the thing that unites all- all souls, all songs, all quizzes- is both a cry of love for the world to hear and a question that we will spend the rest of our lives answering
and it felt like no one could understand me. i had been screaming my whole life and no one ever heard me. i guess that’s the thing about self destruction, it’s so awfully intimate. you could be drowning in your own thoughts and people would assume you were able to swim.
I swear I don’t meant to be disrespectful of something I put my faith in.
I swear all the gods really do care. Olympus hasn’t abandoned us just yet..
It’s just Hades is getting overwhelmed with the bodies of kids killing themselves and Innocents slaughtered by their protectors in the street. He doesn’t know how to keep up with it
Persephone is busy trying to bring the flowers to life. The humans keep building asphalt over them. They keep trying to kill what little growth she can fight for. They all keep trying to take more of spring from her to give to the others.
Aries is in the streets. Screams with the protestors. It’s not a war if the other side doesn’t have a weapon. He was there in the desert with the kids who didn’t go home, and the ones who did. The ones still fighting and dying to the ghosts of war.
Aphrodite got traded in for one night stands and Tinder. Hasn’t seen her son in ages, he’s going around shooting blanks that end in pain. They both wonder if love is always doomed to end in tragedy?
Artemis and Apollo got sick together. Some one tells me one is dying and will spell the end of us all. the other will be our new home. I wonder if the moon will look the same if there’s no more sun or will the darkness kill it to?
Zeus finally stopped cheating. Married a mortal. Hasn’t seen Olympus or her in years. Screw being king of the Gods when you could be happy with someone, something else.
Hera sits around her old palace he made for her, and mourns after the home he left. Watches them and sobs brokenhearted. She suddenly knows how Echo felt in all those stories. Without him, she feels like a echo of herself. She misses him. Even the bad him.
Poseidon sits in a bar somewhere. Not Dionysus'es that’s to close to home. The sea is dying. It’s getting polluted. He still tries to go home, but what will he do when there’s nothing left to save?
Speaking of Dionysus, He found a hole in the wall. This wasn’t how it’s suppose to be. He’s broken more then one wrist of a guy trying to slip something into a girls drink. His bar is the safest in town. He tries.
Athena hangs out on teen websites. Watches social media culture evolve. Wonder if all this is adding or taking away from the only virtue she finds value in.
In the end, it wasn’t the Gods who failed us. In the end, I think we failed them.
And i want to curl up in your arms , like silken moonlight on a white night, and listen to you speak to me the verses of venus, dropping from that tender curve of your smile, and listen to you say nothing, and listen to you say my name, and just listen to you all night, like delicate petals from your mouth and like cresting waves , and just listen to you all night and just you and you and you..
I know I’m a hard storm to swallow. I know my thoughts are scattered thunderstorms and my feelings fog up windows that you have to wipe off in order to see clearly. I know I have a habit of letting my emotions pass by in the wind, that I often pretend there is little of me invested in you. And I’m sorry for the chill you feel when I leave my side of the bed empty, too caught up in my own chaos to think of how it must make you suffer. I know you’ve been weathering through this rain for quite some time and maybe the cycle can feel never-ending, especially with my cold fronts and torrential downpours. But, don’t give up on me. I’m working on the erosion of these walls because I want to rebuild them with you inside. I want you to see the parts of me that even I, myself, haven’t begun to understand. I need help, and I’m sorry for that, but I pray you’re one of the ones who likes cloudy weather and the smell of drizzling rain in the distance. I hope you like foggy mornings that leave a little more to the imagination and a tornado of love to get caught up in.
I couldn’t talk about the thoughts that buzzed through the rooms of my head, for a while too long. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you even, that I felt my life being torn apart, without any particular purpose. These uncertainties clouded my mind, fragmenting my existence apparently, and I couldn’t bear to bring myself to express, other than spilling my pain through the words, that I could push myself to write.
I haven’t felt like being vulnerable, like sharing, or being raw for a while now because I’m exhausted. I have had so much time during this quarantine/lockdown to sit with myself and it’s been hard for me. I have realized that I haven’t healed as much as I thought I had… That I have a lot of bad habits, 0 coping skills, codependency/abandonment/trust issues, self-esteem issues, etc, etc… I started therapy again to try and deal with my issues and maybe find some solace. I always come back to this search for solace… I’m not sure if I’ll find it anytime soon but at least I’m writing again (here and there…)
So, anyways… Here’s a poem. I hope to talk more about this shit in the future because this space has always been a place where I felt like I could share, where I could possibly help someone feel less alone and maybe more understood… Mental health is so hard; it’s so different for everyone… As is the path to finding healing and peace… I hope that you know that if you struggle with feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, shame, guilt, intrusive thoughts… Whatever… You’re not alone and we’re gonna be okay eventually. We just have to keep fighting… Keep trying. You are loved even if you can’t feel it right now.
To devour you as night devours earth, nothing else exists within this moment but you. My heart burns for you, you which have become the object of my dreams, my affections. Do I dare resist? Resist this of which my heart has grown so fond? I think not. ~ B.T.
i wanted to be everything and nothing all at once. i wanted to take on the world but i didn’t want to leave the place that i had always known. there has been a war inside of me my entire life. my mind is a paradox, indecisiveness at its very core. i know what i want but then again, i’m not so sure.