Sum: Crowley doesn’t want to accept his feelings towards the reader, and is denying it till one day, where the reader has an anxiety attack due to past trauma. is when he realizes he fucked up.
Warnings: Angst, Anxiety mention, Trauma, Abuse
Status: Angsty Fluff
Theme: x Reader - They pronounce.
Authors note my spelling and grammar sucks. sorry about that, English isn’t my native language and this is probably very out of character, but I wanted to do something different, and I haven’ written in a long time. so here you go <3
This day, fucked him up.. Badly. Crowley pasted back and forth in his flat, unsure of everything. Angry, passionated- all these emotions he’s used to. but the feeling of “loving” someone makes his blood boil. He’s a DEMON, he can’t love!?..
“Fuck Me…” -He sighed bitterly as he slummed down in his throne-like chair, unable to make sense of when and how he fell in love with [Y/N].
Was it when they looked at him like he was something.. someone? was it when he noticed their eyes sparkle when he spoke to them? or was it the first time they hugged him, impulsively due to them being scared of losing him and Aziraphale when armageddon was about to happen.? Crowley honestly didn’t know. and he was oh so annoyed with the feelings he had.
Crowley smashed a pot against the wall and groaned loudly.
“what the FUCK is wrong with me?? why a HUMAN, a HUMAN for crying out loud.” and then his phone rang.
Crowley composed himself again, in his smug facade and picked up the phone
“Speak to me, Angel”
“Crowley, I- Uh, oh dear, We have a problem..” Aziraphale’s voice said, nearly in a whisper making Crowley’s brows furrow slightly
“What? why- what’s happening?”
Crowley gripped his jacket, and as soon as his hands curled around the tight leader he heard sobbing in the background.
“..it’s [Y/N] Something happened…and I- I don’t know, Oh goodness hurry”
With that everything sunk for Crowley, his pupils almost retracted into thinner slits behind the tinted shades resting on his nose. worried.. he felt.. worries build inside him. and with that, he slammed the door to his flat and hurried to the bookshop. He usually drove fast, it’s Crowley after all. but this very day, things were just a little slower for his liking.
You sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed, tears streaming down your face- your breath hitch in the back of your throat as you hugged yourself, rocking back and forth looking at the floor, just feeling like an absolute wreck.
you weren’t supposed to see HIM, your Ex. the Man who abused you, kicked you, hit you. He was a MONSTER- if anyone was the embodiment of the devil himself, it was this guy. And you had just seen him, after weeks of freedom, you trapped yourself again. in your mind. You could still feel the last bruises he gave you. You knew it was all done. That he wouldn’t hurt you anymore. But the haunting of him still compelled you to fear.
The angel placed a hand on your back, slowly rubbing your shoulder blades on the outside of your tank top. he cooed your name softly, trying his very best to make you stop. But you couldn’t. The anxiety inside you made you shake and the sobbing got hoars as your voice caved in- still rocking your body for the comfort. You sat there, wishing you had never survived all of the abuse.
“[Y/N] You can’t let him control your life like this. Crowley and I did assure you that you could always be with us if anything happened- you know this dear” Aziraphale did everything he could, and with each comforting sentence, you felt a little less scared, but as soon as you heard the door fling open to the shop with a crash you screamed in your mind and jumped to hide your face in your arms. “I’m here!” you heard Crowley shout.. angrily. It sent shivers down your spine and made you even the more scared. You kept your arms up, so shun him from your red eyes, wet cheeks and pale face. You didn’t want Crowley to yell, or shout, or anything remotely like it. After all the Demon usually did make you feel safe and at home.
You didn’t know when, but you grew to like him.. a lot. Yes, Aziraphale was, a literal angel but the demon always seemed to catch you just a snatch more. He didn’t want to admit it, but he treated you like he treated Aziraphale, if not better. he didn’t have to smile at you directly, but when you got a smirk out of him from a witty comment or made him laugh your heart fluttered and your stomach grew a knot of joy. Though, at this very moment, he scared you.
“[Y/N] What the fuck happened?!” Crowley did sound worried he truly did but the anger in his voice overpowered due to your status of mind. and you curled up, flinched even, which made Crowley so much madder.
“Did that jerk do this? Huh!? is this why you curl up like a cat scared of everything. ?? didn’t we assure you that you were alright??? isn’t that enough for you??? aren’t WE enough for you!??”
his questions made you whimper, and you asked him to stop. your voice shaking and you didn’t know what to say. Of course, they were enough.. they meant so much to you. Hell, HE meant so much to you. Why was he so aggressive all of a sudden?
“C-Crowley I’m sorry. I’m so- so sorry I didn’t- I just” Your voice got caught up in your thoughts and sobs, you just kept shaking “I didn’t want to bother you and Azi’ with my p-problems. I didn’t want to make you feel like I’m a burden… I’m so scared” Your last sentence sounded so broken it almost made Crowley go straight for you in an embrace, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to accept this feeling of longing to make everything okay. He was chaos, the Servant of Sin. He just stood there, clenched his fists in anger, and worry. and after your sobbing dimmed down, Crowley looked at you, and simply said “I’m going to kill him, he’s not worthy of the earth anyway, I could send him to where he belongs” His voice emotionless. “Crowley. please don’t I - I just” Your body sought closure, so without thinking you stood up, even if your legs denied to burden you. “He didn’t do anything this time, He simply w-walked past me I just had a-” Crowley cut you off “Listen, If you want to protect this asshole of a man, then FINE I’m DONE with this, and I’m Done with YOU. Humans annoy me to no end, they’re Selfish, they’re so emotion-filled it’s SICK, YOU MAKE ME SICK!” You stood there. mouth slightly agape. Did he really mean that?… Tears started to roll again and you just couldn’t handle it anymore the constant contrast between love and hate from this man, this rollercoaster of fear and adore. If he wanted you out of his life, Fine he’s got it now. Aziraphale tried to speak up but you simply burst. You’ve never yelled before so you didn’t plan to but for the first time ever in your entire life, you stood up for yourself. Your tears rolled but your voice didn’t hitch, I didn’t soak in sobs. You looked at the man you thought you loved, hell the man you DO love and you simply said “Fine.” the coldest tone you’ve ever mustered to use, the deadest glare you’ve ever sent someone. And you could see Crowley regretting everything. But this time he had to come to apologize if he wanted you in his life. you didn’t do the chasing and you didn’t plan to start. with that, you dried your eyes and gave Aziraphale a small smile of sadness and walked out the door.
“Well done Crowley.” Aziraphale breathed as the door slammed shut. “ I thought you might’ve been a help, yet here I am, wrong for once” The angel sat down again as if he just fell from heaven. He just might’ve lost a friend, because Crowley had to wear big boy pants and act like a hissy.
“We don’t need them anyway. we’re celestials. we’ll make it without. Better to not get attached.” Crowley breathed out as he sat in the chair, acting un phased. Aziraphale cleared his throat “ You mean it’s better YOU don’t get attached dear friend” That sent Crowley to sit straight up in the chair, eyes glued to his angelic friend. “Now, why would you say that?” Aziraphale rolled his eyes for once in a century at the demons oblivious behaviour and explained to him that he’s seen how Crowley looks at you, the way he speaks to you when he’s not on a hissy fit run. The way he miracles you things just to make your life easier. and Crowley with each explanation dreaded his decision to yell at you.
“Crowley. I’ve known you for 6000 years. Don’t you think I know you just a smidge? If you want to admit it or not, you have feelings for this human. And it’s fine and jolly if you do not wish to act upon them, but I do think you owe them an apology for your misbehaviour. I think you really did indeed hurt them more than you realize” The angel said all this with a furrowed sigh and stood up to go take customers or at least order the books that were left around from people. Crowley, on the other hand, slummed again. Thinking about how he ever could fix this fuck up. And when.
You did everything you could from falling apart over the next week or so. You tried to comfort yourself with movies, series. anything that could distract you from Crowley, the words he used. Did you really make him feel sick? How? by treating him with affection? How could that make someone feel so sick they had to blow up like that? your feeling where messier than regularly- Mind fuzzy. Probably because of all the pills you had to take to calm your nerves. and On the Friday of the week, you decided that you’ve had enough of this way of living. you needed some comfort, if not from the man you loved, then at least for a night. So you dressed up and texted a friend of yours to tell her that you had a free night and you wanted to go get drunk. You put on a black outfit and some cool accessories that fit elegantly with your outfit. As you had everything ready you smacked your door, locking it and got on your way, for once in weeks without fear in your body. If you could be cold to a demon, you could do anything.. or so you thought.
Never have you ever imagined being this sober with your friend, She was nearly blacked out on the couch in a club with some fancy wall street British wanna be and here you were single and with no one to mingle- and that’s when you saw him. Your heart raced and you felt like running. Your Ex had his eyes glued on you like a piece of meat. WHY THE FUCK WAS HE HERE?!. You sipped your drink anxiously, feeling your throat close up from fear. But He didn’t go closer. and you soon figured out why. A long slender hand grabbed your waist almost as gently as a feather, and you jumped a little looking to whom this hand belonged to. When you where met with Crowley’s shades your heart stopped. your cheeks heated up slightly. He’s never been this close before. and God did he look and smell good. and That’s when he spoke loudly, enough for your ex to hear it over the music.
“Hello, Darling, sorry I am late, It pains me to see you all alone looking so ravishing” His slender hand squeezed your side gently, in a reassuring way and he smirked from the redness on your face. You couldn’t Believe him! he yells at you and then he shows up, basically swooning over you. now it repeats WHY THE FUCK WAS CROWLY HERE?! You couldn’t think of a reply before he spoke again “How ‘bout we go to my flat and have a talk, it’s better than here with these flesh bags” He looked in the direction of your Ex. You understood the memo and nodded softly, Crowley gave a smile. a Real smile, goodness he made you swoon now. And your friend was clearly jealous of your “catch”… She looked at Crowley like a piece of candy and you couldn’t help but feel proud of how attractive your demonic companion was. Crowley took your hand gently and followed you out with you holding his arm like a true gentleman would. Unlike usual gentlemen tho, he subtly showed your Ex a finger on the way out with a shit-eating grin. Which made you giggle softly.
About twenty mins you stood in his flat crossing your arms, waiting for an explanation to why he picked you up if he truly hated you. Crowley motioned you to sit, and so you did. -He came in with a glass of water for you and sat next to you. “Listen [Y/N] love, I have a confession. I’m not good with apologizing. and I am frankly not good with talks either. So if you don’t want to accept it, it’s quite understandable.” He continued folding his fingers nervously “I-…How do I put this, I have feelings.. for you and It’s a bit unusual for me to feel anything. I’m a demon and I’m not supposed to actually like people- or angels or anyone but I’ve been so hooked on you for so long and it’s killing me.” He took your hands and your face was more than shocked from these news, but he continued “I tried to push you away, to make you hate me. and I don’t know.. I think it worked, and it’s ripping me apart somehow, I’ve pushed many humans away and I’ve never felt like I do now. And I just can’t help to know I’ve fucked up- really bad. As I said if you don’t want to accept the shitty apology I get it, I su-” You’ve shut him up by pressing your lips to his, softly and you cupped his face with your hands. with your eyes closed, you just acted on impulse. and that’s something rare for you. Crowley had to get over his shock and right before you felt like pulling back, he snaked his hand onto your neck and back to deepen the kiss, you ran your fingers through his hair and enjoyed the smell of his cologne. Shit, he kissed well. When you finally pulled back you opened your [E/C] eyes to look at him. He looked so confused and yet so happy, brows sky high and that smirk you loved so much. But you had to be a bit of a brat so you simply said “How do you feel now? Still sick?” It made him laugh and he pulled you into his lap, as you pushed his glasses up, to look at his beautiful eyes. “Oh yes, terribly sick, I could be dying any second now, as of fact” He brushed his nose against yours and you sighed as you placed a small sweet kiss onto his lips again. “I love you” The words just slipped out of you. You blushed looking away waiting for him to just push you off or something, but you felt a hand on your cheek and a small “ I know, and I love you” escaped him before he stole a kiss again. letting his mind rest on one sentence: what the fuck is wrong with me. But in a more loving manner. and your thoughts had only three words. Best, Friday, Ever. as you straddled the most gorgeous man in the world, to you he was not fallen, not a demon, not an angel, just Crowley and that was all that mattered.
Next day you had multiple texts from your friend, asking you who the handsome dude was, and you snapped her a picture of Crowley, sleeping partly clothed in his bed with the text “he my man bby girl” with a devil emoji. Oh god Aziraphale was going to burst to laugh when he found out that FINALLY, you guys have made some progress in your relationship. You placed down your phone and crawled back in the arms of a demon, safely and proudly.
Authors note: I hope you liked it! I am sorry if it seemed rushed or is very bad again I am super rusty:C ahhh plz don’t kill me xD fellow Omenlovers.