Breastfeeding is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life (maybe aside from the 26 hours of labor 😂). It's also the most rewarding thing I could ever do for my son. I'm able to nourish him and help him grow 🌻 When I was pregnant it was my biggest fear that I wouldn't be able to do this special thing for him, but it was so natural when he arrived. I instantly pulled him to my chest and bounded with skin to skin. I'm so grateful everyday that I'm able to provide for my family in my own way and wouldn't trade it for the world.

Bug Update

I’ve started writing actual long blog posts about this pregnancy, to continue when Bug arrives. Mainly to give me something to do and something to remember how this all felt. If anyone is interested in ready it I’ll post on here again when it’s all set up online. It’ll be Wordpress based probably and might even feature some of Mr Bug’s posts too. He’s pretty determined to write once Bug is here as he thinks there aren’t enough blunt stories from a mans point of view about raising babies lol

My Maya Ann 💕 Due to high blood pressure (that never ended up turning in pre-eclampsia, thankfully) my doctor decided to induce me at 38 weeks 2 days. I went to the hospital Sunday afternoon and they started Cervadil. It actually made me have small contractions, so by Sunday night I was dilated about 1.5 cm (from being fully closed). They continued the Cervadil all night, and then small doses of pitocin. At 7:00 AM, they broke my water. I tried holding off on an epidural as long as possible, because I didn't want to be stuck in bed. Though, about 2 hours later, my contractions got more and more intense, and so I got the epidural. Didn't feel great, but hurt less then my contractions so it was okay! From there, things were pretty smooth sailing. However, once I got to about 5 centimeters, I was stuck there for almost 3 hours. Maya's heart rate started dipping with each strong contraction. The nurse told me if I stayed at 5 for another hour, I'd have to get a c-section. I don't know how my body understood her, but I went from 5 cm to 7 cm in the next 45 minutes. Then, from 7 to 10cm in 45 minutes!! It was amazing and looking back, some sort of small miracle. I pushed for about half an hour. My doctor ended up using forceps, so her head is a little bruised. He wanted to do an episiotomy on me, but once he used forceps, she was ready to come out, so I ended up tearing on my own and got 2nd degree tears. I guess that's okay. My baby girl is here. She's a little fussy, and we are having slight problems with her latch, but we're getting there. She was 8 pounds, so if she would have went 40 weeks, I think she'd be huge.

Taking care of yourself after birth

It's called the fourth trimester for a reason. Taking care of your new love is a 24/7 job. Even though they are a sleepy newborn, the stress you'll feel can be overwhelming. The first week Maya and I were home, I could probably have gone days without eating, drinking, changing my clothes, or showering. It can be tempting to let all your self care go down the drain because your little one needs you so much. But please try and avoid that. Buy tons of filling granola bars and keep bottles of water by your bed. Take your medicine. Make sure your keeping up with your care for any tears and stitches. Ask someone to watch the babe so you can shower, do some laundry, and relax for a few minutes. Your baby needs you to take care of yourself so you can take care of them the best you can.

Today was my 20 week ultrasound and I got to see the little nugget again. We also got to find out the gender, and we now know we will be having a little boy! (My wife gets to brag a little cause that was her guess)

I’m a little anxious about raising a boy, but as my wife reminded me, we were gonna raise our child the same way regardless of gender, and I feel pretty good about us being good mamas.

Everything else was pretty normal. They do want to see me again in 3-4 weeks because the ultrasound tech couldn’t see the aortic arch, and when the doctor came in to have a look at it, she felt she could see it but not to her satisfaction, and she would rather be certain that’s what she saw and not just guessing at lines. She said she wasn’t too worried though so I’m gonna try not to worry either.

They saw everything else they needed to, and baby is measuring at 20w4d, so that about tracks with the revised due date of August 1 they had given me at the 12 week ultrasound.

Time does seem to be flying by and at the same time dragging on. August seems so far away, but then I think of how I’m already 5 months in and that’s a bit crazy. Most days it still doesn’t feel real. I haven’t really felt him moving around yet, so other than being tired a lot, and the fact that my belly is definitely starting to look like a pregnancy belly, sometimes I have to remind myself he’s in there.

I’ll probably be training my replacement at work soon. My boss wanted to get on in sooner than later which is fine by me, because I’ve finally been sent to work from home (thanks to my doctor’s note re: my being high risk due to pregnancy), but I will have to go into the office to do the training and I’d rather do it now than when I’m dragging a third trimester body around. Plus, it gives me plenty of time to get the new person accustomed to procedures and clients. For now I’ll be monitoring what cases they take, but as we get closer to the end of my pregnancy it’ll switch to her being in charge of most everything and that’s fine by me. By July at the latest I only want to be handling the day to day, none of the things that require a few days’ worth of follow up.

My next OB appointment is in two weeks, and then I’ll have my next ultrasound. Then probably nothing until the first week of May since my OB has been spacing out my appointments by 5 weeks. I did schedule a 3D ultrasound at a private clinic downtown because they’re one of the rare places that currently allow another person to come, and although I’ve FaceTimed Amber for a couple of the ultrasound appointments, I want her to be able to be there with me for at least one of them. I’ll also have to do the glucose test at some point around there (maybe I can schedule it the same day as my next ultrasound if I have to go back to the hospital anyway), and then my TDAP booster shot. Then it should just be more OB appointments throughout the summer, and hopefully it’ll be August before we know it.

I’m hopeful that as the COVID vaccine roll out increases (although Quebec doesn’t seem inclined to making pregnant women eligible so I’ll likely wait til after I give birth) we’ll have much lower restrictions in the summer and maybe I’ll be able to have a very small baby shower, possibly outdoors if need be. Either way, things are looking up and if all goes well most people around me will be vaccinated by the time the baby is born so we won’t have to worry about delaying first visits too much, which is very exciting.

- Marie

Calling this a dream but it was actually a night terror

I had a dream that i delivered my baby girl, she was tiny and beautiful. The nurses and doctor just rushed me home after, they didnt place her on my chest and i didn't speak to a lactation specialist. So at home i was trying to nurse her in the side laying position but only a coulple drops would come out and she would fall asleep. I become super stressed knowing my milk wasnt coming in i wouldn't beable to feed her when she was ready. I told jay my milk wasnt coming in so he said we should give her formula i told him no i wanted to try again but he said no id starve her😢 at this point in the dream we are both in bed but he's holding our baby about to give her the bottle. I become catatonic but he doesn't notice, im trying to speak but no words are coming out. He puts her between us and starts falling asleep. I want to tell him she cant sleep like that but i cant open my mouth, i try to move her into the bassinet but i cant lift my arms reach her.

Pretty sure i dreamed this bc i just scheduled my sleep safety and breastfeeding class lol obvi im super anxious about being able to breastfeed like more anxious about it than i am labor. I guess the paralyzed part is my fear of ignored or dismissed as a parent?

Anyways im ordering Ina May's guide to Breastfeeding idk if i should also get the guide to childbirth