Nobody seems to understands it, not like nobody needs to, or that they care about what others see from the outside anyway. The one usually confused by it is Sam, the one that spends more time with them, it’s usually more of an amused reaction than anything else, he shakes his head letting out a huffed laugh, but looking at them happy that they have found each other. He jokes about it, he has done it for years, at first even Dean was a little ataken back with the way Cas stared into his very core, but It came a point when he could only stare back at him, trying to solve the complicated puzzle Cas was for him.
Dean doesn’t think too much about, it’s just as natural as breathing for him, the moment his eyes meet Cas’ he knows what Cas wants to say, what he is feeling, if he is amused, bored, tired or angry, if he wants to tell Dean he loves him, or if he is waiting for a kiss or a hug. If he needs a break or if he is ready to grasp Dean’s hand and follow for another adventure.
They just need a single look to know if the answer to a plan is a no or a yes, if something they said was the right or the wrong thing to say. A warning or an encouraging push towards the right direction.
He doesn’t think is weird, he thinks it’s nice actually. They just have known the other for so long, they are best friends, he knows Cas by now as well as he knows him, he knows when Cas is keeping something from him, when he is trying not to laugh at an innappropiate time, when he sees something he loves or when something upsets him, he is sad too when he sees the light in Cas’ eyes is gone, hiding behind sadness. Cas knows him just as well, with a simple gesture, he knows if Dean is going to propose something a little adventurous for bed when he raises a single eyebrow, he knows when Dean has a surprise for him, with that little glint in his eyes he is so familiar with and that he loves so much.
It’s nice, great for hunts too, but sometimes, well, sometimes it’s scary, too. Dean knows he can always be honest with Cas, that he will always be listened, and Cas will always take care of him, just like he will give him all of it back; but to think Cas, without even trying, without Dean even noticing, has made his way under his chest, nestling in his heart, it’s a bit scary, because he fears one day he is going to see and be afraid of all the bad that is inside him, in his eyes, next to the good things, always the shadow of nightmares.
He is afraid that one day he is going to look at those eyes and never again see the same welcoming and warm love he sees there now, it would kill him, just like every time he has lost Cas has killed him a bit, all he wanted then was just for his eyes to open and look at him again,ake things right again.
And he can see the same fear in the deep blue of Cas’ eyes, like Dean is simply going to turn his back on him, to tell him to go away and leave him alone, when mistakes and past are a too heavy weight in their shoulders to keep going.
They don’t usually need to give a voice to those doubts, they do, giving and receving confort from whispered words and gentle touches, but they don’t need to most times, they know when those thoughts go through their heads, the fear clouding their eyes, the only thing they can do then is hold each other tightly.
Dean thinks the way Cas is looking at him right now is one of his favourite ones.
His head is resting on Dean’s chest, their limbs tangled on the too tiny for two grown men sofa of their motel room, the low noise of the tv buzzing in the background filling the silence, just like the occassional car outside, the birds, the soft creak of the window with the spring breeze; Cas is smiling gently at him, looking up as he waits for him to wake up from his nap instead of watching the documentary he insisted on watching and that is the main reason why Dean fell asleep in the first place; his smile widdening as Dean opens one eye to look and smile back at him. Cas stares warmly at him, eyes half-lidded, a little spark in them too, like he is waiting for Dean to tell him about his plans for the rest of the day now they are done with the case. And he looks at Dean before talking, like he is expecting the reaction Dean is going to have to whatever he needs to say.
“Hello, Dean.” He mutters then. Dean chuckles and gives him a wink, he says it like they haven’t seen each other for a long time. He wraps his arms around Cas even more tightly, in moments like this he thinks he is still sleeping, a dream so good he never wants to wake up. It’s another one of his greatest fears, this not being real, when he wakes up everyday, warm and comfy with Cas by his side, too good to be true, just like a dream that doesn’t end. He is always awed of all Cas is, of Cas wanting to be here. Cas’ eyes let him know how content he feels here, in this shitty motel room far from home, he looks like this is perfect for him, Dean feels the same, so he stares back and he knows what Cas is going to say before he even opens his mouth, he knows the soft way he is being looked at right now too well. “I love you.” Honesty and adoration are all he can see in Cas’ gaze.
“I love you too.” And all the happiness that makes Cas’ eyes shine like they are made from stardust is enough to make his heart skip a beat, knowing that his eyes will tell Cas what sometimes it’s not easy to express with his words.