Hi, so thought I should post something, but then I don’t know when I’ll be back because fandom honestly is becoming too much for my mental health.
Because of the nature of my writing and the online attacks I’ve faced since I started sharing my fics, I keep who I am very close to my chest. That includes my real name, my real age, what company I work at, and where I live in the UK. My real first name isn’t Brooke, that’s my middle name, and I use that as I feel more comfortable giving that out. I never specified my age apart from being in my 20s, I’ve said I live near London but not where, and every photo I’ve shared of me has had most of my face cropped out.
This is because I don’t want people finding my social media and splashing it all over tumblr like I know some would do. Or dissecting it between themselves in their little friendship groups like again I know they would. Because some people have a strange fixation with me and I really don’t know why, when all I’ve ever wanted to do is share my fics and my writing for a fandom I love. As I’m being vulnerable here, I also don’t share full pics of me because I don’t want mean anons telling me I’m ugly. I had enough of that being on Facebook as a teen and from my ex-boyfriends, thanks.
People are saying I’m 30… I’m not 30 or close to it, thanks very much (not that there would be anything wrong with this I just want to point out to followers who are 30 and older), but I’ve never told anyone I’m a teenager or 20; I even trawled through my DMs making sure I’d never said this to anyone, and I haven’t. But yes, I’ve kept my age vague to protect my identity, like I’ve done with everything else, apart from with close fandom friends, who do know my age. I’ve also shared my real name and my social media with the people I’m closest with on here. They can see who I am and that I’m not lying. This is because I trust these people outside the fandom space, something I can’t say for a lot of people.
A similar thing happened a few weeks ago where someone accused me of not being British and making it up to seem cool, baiting me into sharing an audio clip of my voice. Which I almost did before I realised how ridiculous this is. But my close fandom friends have been on VC with me on Discord and again can verify I’m not making this up. Another person said my pics weren’t of me and were stolen… again, my fandom friends have my social media and can see they are of me… thanks for the vile accusations.
And I could do so many things to prove this: I could share my passport or my driver’s license, but people will argue that I’m making it up because of the details I’d need to black out because I actually don’t want to post my entire passport online. I could also share pics of text messages where people have wished me happy birthday with my age in, but I guess you could argue those are fake too.
But doing things like obsessing over who I am and studying a dumb online birth chart and getting other people to look at it are very weird and unhealthy, especially when there can be errors on websites like this which other people online have reported about. And sorry, but I hope you understand why I’m not cool with posting my birth certificate on here. But constantly talking about me on your blog and behind my back isn’t okay, especially as I never talk about anyone else. It’s poisonous and strange, and you need to stop because you are damaging my happiness and wellbeing.
If people want to DM me so I can show them my ID with my birthday I’ll do that even though it makes me uncomfortable. But no, I won’t post all this stuff about me online to meet the demands of people who don’t like me and who will find anything they can to attack me. If you want to believe them then do, but I know I’m a good person. And having to share deeply personal things about myself in a hostile online space is a violation, and to demand this of me feels wrong.
Anyway, I’m so angry and upset right now, and honestly done with everything. I wanted to keep sharing my fics and my writing with the people who enjoy it but so many people hate me now for absolutely no reason and I just don’t have the stomach for it anymore. I won’t put myself through sleepless nights and panic attacks because of a small handful of people who don’t like me. I’m sorry to the people who do like me and my writing, and look forward to seeing my posts every day, I wish things could be different and that I could be left alone.
I honestly regret sharing anything personal about me now because I never knew it was going to be weaponised in this way. And all over a feud that I want no part of and that has been pushed on me. I feel so sick and unhappy, and it didn’t have to be like this. I hope people are happy with themselves: you’ve made me feel so depressed. If that’s what you wanted then you succeeded.