I am a failure to myself(what was the point of A’s throughout school only to give up now?), my parents (all that money for my education, a complete fucking waste), and literally any adult figure in my life (do you have aplan? You should stay in school, it’s so hard to find a job these days, you don’t what to become the manager of McDonald’s/Target do you? Cause that’s the kind of job you’ll be aiming for without a degree)
Don’t lecture me like I don’t already know, I know.
god you think I don’t know?
It’s is so ingrained in my brain to go to college, get a degree in anything, and you automatically have better chance at being okay in life.
But i got some fucking overwelming anxiety and lazyness that all roll together with one nasty ball of procrastination, so now here I am.
MOnday night at 8:40pm, this 1 essay, 2 homework assingments, and 1 midterm to study for, all in less than 24 hours.
And i have to get up and be ready at 4:30am to catch a bus to get to school and lordy this is a big shit show like god is laughing at me now.
And I have been sitting on the cornor of this blue couch my the widow in the living room for the past seven hours.
And I have done nothing but the cover page, scroll through tumblr and reddit, and some sparknotes quizzes.
I;m a burnout with a migranie but take full responibility that it is all my fault that i am currently in the position I am in.
And like every time this has happened before, I really want help.
I really hate me when I do this, but I don’t know when to stop and start and this is all so familiar(not doing any of my english essaies, not reading anything from political science so i drop withdraw).
I’m so use to feeling this terribel that the dread and nauseating regret and self loathing almost don’t even phase me anymore.
So I guess that is one positive to come out of this self made shitshow.
O fuck i am so fucking screwed but like, this one’s on me.
I think ill go lay down for a while, take a nap