anonymous said:
Yay requests are open!!! Can you write headcanons for dazai's s/o to have a small toddler following her around the agency calling her mother because she is really kind to him and makes him feel safe (maybe he has a angsty past about his bio mom not loving him and he's with the agency because he has an ability wanted by the Mafia?) Like what would be dazai's reaction to s/o's parenting skills??😅😇I said I was “hungry for summer” and my kids asked what summer tastes like so I said “watermelon and chlorine” and my kids asked why chlorine tastes like summer and I said “because I swallowed a lot of pool water during the summer when I was a kid” so my kids said what and I said “I almost drowned at least twice but I really loved the pool” and two of my kids were very quiet but my third and most polite child said “mom were you a not very smart kid?” so now I gotta decide how to answer that because the answer is absolutely Yes but also Some Revelations Can Be Kept To Yourself.
Saat kamu ingin menikah dan sudah menemukan siapa yang akan kamu ajak ke bahtera pernikahan. Maka perbanyak sholat istikhoroh, diamkan mulut dan jari untuk berbicara perihal ini pada siapapun agar terjaga rahasiamu, juga menghindari dari fitnah dan omongan kalau saja rencanamu nanti gagal.
Mulailah dengan mengencangkan sholat malam dan perbaiki kualitas sholatmu, jika ada sesuatu yang kurang enak lebih baik mencurhatkannya kepada Allah. Ingatlah semakin jauh jarakmu untuk mengkhitbah dia, maka semakin besar godaannya. Semakin jauh jarak antara khitbah dengan akad nikah, maka semakin besar juga godaannya.
Segerakan sebisa mungkin niat baikmu, jika dirasa harus menunggu beberapa waktu maka ikat dengan doa dan silaturohim antar keluarga, sampai hari menjelang khitbah dan akad nikah.
Yang terkhir, jangan terlalu over pada perasaan hingga menimbulkan prasangka yang tidak baik karena hati itu semuanya milik Allah. Ibarat kamu sedang memancing ikan, jika mulut ikan sudah kena kail lalu kamu melepasnya, maka ikan ada tersakiti dan berbekas lukanya. Alangkah baiknya jika ikan sudah terkena kail pancing, segera tarik dan di masak untuk menjadi hidangan yang halal dan nikmat.
Hanya sedikit saran, bagiku dan bagimu yang akan berproses dan sedang menjemput keberkahan. Agar tidak ada lagi hati yang tersakiti, juga untuk kebaikanmu dan kebaikannya, untuk masa sekarang dan masa depan.
Jangan lupa bismillah.
Sebenarnya ini adalah perbincangan semalam dengan seorang teman yang akan menikah, dia sudah memilih calon namun bimbang harus memulai dengan apa dan dari mana. Jadi flashback.
@jndmmsyhd
Parents, please listen.
I don’t care if you hate the gays.
I don’t care if you think it’s wrong.
I don’t care if you don’t “believe in” being gay or trans or anything.
If your child realizes they’re lgbt, it is still your job as a parent to support them in every way you can.
You don’t accept it, you don’t understand it, fine whatever I’m not going to try to change your mind.
You still need to care about your kid.
If they told you, that means they love you enough to want you to know who they really are and/or how they love.
And if your kid is trans and they ask you to use a new name and pronouns, just use them. It will mean the world to them.
Don’t try to change them. They want you to love them for who they are.
Don’t make them hate you just because you were afraid to love them.
Parents, if your response to your child’s complaints about something hurting them is to say something like “No it doesn’t” or “You’re fine. Stop whining,” then just know that you’re losing your child’s trust. By being dismissive, you’re showing them that you won’t listen when they have problems and that they can’t come to you when they need help.
And yes, this is especially aimed towards parents of autistic children.
- how to teach early elementary kids about gay marriage (a guide)
When your kid asks you, “Can a boy marry another boy? (Or alternatively: Can a girl marry another girl?)” You say, “Yeah.”
When your kid asks you if it’s weird or wrong or gross or (insert negative adjective) for a boy to marry a boy, you say, “Nah, there’s nothing wrong with that. What matters is if they’re happy and treating each other kindly.” If they need more than that, you can elaborate with something along the lines of how most marriages tend to be between a man and a woman, but it doesn’t have to be that way, because some people have different preferences, etc and so on.
That’s literally it. You don’t need to demonize nor glorify gay or straight relationships. You just give them very simple, basic information, which is all they really want or need at a young age. You certainly don’t need to prompt your 6 year old to write a fake gay love letter to teach them to accept gay marriage as normal. THAT is fucking weird, wrong, and gross.
Angel: Hi my all deer gentlemen how was your da-HOLY HELL WHAT HAPPENED?
Alastor: *soaking wet, covered in flour and honey, grass in his hair, and a pine cone stuck to his handsome-as-hell face*
Alastor: I’m having what some would call a ‘Day without my spidey wife but with my lOvElY SweET aNGeLiC twin sons’
[The child is supposed to be around 4 or 5 years old, and I’ve used they/them pronouns for them, because the gender wasn’t specified, and also because I can’t help but imagine them as Q.]
Rules of Parenting
- Surprised. He’s surprised, because neither Dazai nor anyone else had any idea you had any parenting skills at all.
- It’s a good thing too, because the agency employees are good people, but let’s face it, none of them would know how to handle a child if their life depended on it.
- Kunikida would bore them to death, Ranpo and Dazai are bad influences in general, the Tanizakis shouldn’t even be in the equation, Yosano and Kyouka would traumatize the poor child for life and Atsushi and Kenji can barely take care of themselves.
- At the end of his tether, president Fukuzawa had entrusted the child to you.
- But even with your maternal instincts kicking in, it was hard to get them to even talk. At first, they would just sit on the waiting room couch all day, not talking, not even looking at anyone. As much as it broke your heart, there was nothing to do but be patient.
- Sure enough, soon you started to see improvement. They started curiously inspecting the agency and its people, and didn’t curl up into themselves when you went to sit near them. They wouldn’t let anyone else near them, however.
- It took a few days, but they slowly warmed up to the agency too, you most of all. They were still meek and quiet, but most of the times, they could hold small conversations without hiding behind you. They were the frankest with you, coming to you when they needed something or wanted to show you the latest drawing they made.
- They would also follow you around the office most of the time, and soon enough, people playfully started referring to them as ‘(y/n)’s kid’.
- Neither of you had a problem with that.
- You would take them out for lunch, listen to their strangely imaginative stories, play with them and at times, also sing them to sleep.
- Dazai could only look on in wonder, especially since he would never trust himself anywhere even near kids.
- “How do you do this, belladonna? I can barely look at a child without feeling like I’m the worst person for them to be around.”
- “Come on, Dazai. You’re not that bad.”
On the bright side I saw this guy taking his tiny daughter to the park and she wanted to climb a small tree, and he let her. She was hanging off of a very thin branch, then he went “oh, so that branch held up, I didn’t think it would” and the kid started yelling at him “YOU RISKED THE LIFE OF YOUR DAUGHTER, YOUR ONLY CHILD? YOU FAIL THIS TEST!”
It made me laugh so much. I love dramatic kids. We should all get to be this dramatically critical and call them out. It’s crazy how someone would go and hurt a kid like this.
MUST READ: A SILENT TRAGEDY!
There is a silent tragedy that is unfolding today in our homes, and concerns our most precious jewels: our children. Our children are in a devastating emotional state! In the last 15 years, researchers have given us increasingly alarming statistics on a sharp and steady increase in childhood mental illness that is now reaching epidemic proportions:
Statistics do not lie:
• 1 in 5 children have mental health problems
• A 43% increase in ADHD has been noted
• A 37% increase in adolescent depression has been noted
• There has been a 200% increase in the suicide rate in children aged 10 to 14
What is happening and what are we doing wrong?
Today’s children are being over-stimulated and over-gifted with material objects, but they are deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood, such as:
• Emotionally available parents
• Clearly defined limits
• Responsibilities
• Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep
• Movement in general but especially outdoors
• Creative play, social interaction, unstructured game opportunities and boredom spaces
Instead, in recent years, children have been filled with:
• Digitally distracted parents
• Indulgent and permissive parents who let children “rule the world” and whoever sets the rules
• A sense of right, of deserving everything without earning it or being responsible for obtaining it
• Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition
• A sedentary lifestyle
• Endless stimulation, technological nannies, instant gratification and absence of boring moments
What to do?
If we want our children to be happy and healthy individuals, we have to wake up and get back to basics. It is still possible! Many families see immediate improvements after weeks of implementing the following recommendations:
• Set limits and remember that you are the captain of the ship. Your children will feel more confident knowing that you have control of the helm.
• Offer children a balanced lifestyle full of what children NEED, not just what they WANT. Don’t be afraid to say “no” to your children if what they want is not what they need.
• Provide nutritious food and limit junk food.
• Spend at least one hour a day outdoors doing activities such as: cycling, walking, fishing, bird / insect watching
• Enjoy a daily family dinner without smartphones or distracting technology.
• Play board games as a family or if children are very small for board games, get carried away by their interests and allow them to rule in the game
• Involve your children in some homework or household chores according to their age (folding clothes, ordering toys, hanging clothes, unpacking food, setting the table, feeding the dog etc.)
• Implement a consistent sleep routine to ensure your child gets enough sleep. The schedules will be even more important for school-age children.
• Teach responsibility and independence. Do not overprotect them against all frustration or mistakes. Misunderstanding will help them build resilience and learn to overcome life’s challenges,
• Do not carry your children’s backpack, do not carry their backpacks, do not carry the homework they forgot, do not peel bananas or peel oranges if they can do it on their own (4-5 years). Instead of giving them the fish, teach them to fish.
• Teach them to wait and delay gratification.
• Provide opportunities for “boredom”, since boredom is the moment when creativity awakens. Do not feel responsible for always keeping children entertained.
• Do not use technology as a cure for boredom, nor offer it at the first second of inactivity.
• Avoid using technology during meals, in cars, restaurants, shopping centers. Use these moments as opportunities to socialize by training the brains to know how to work when they are in mode: “boredom”
• Help them create a “bottle of boredom” with activity ideas for when they are bored.
• Be emotionally available to connect with children and teach them self-regulation and social skills:
• Turn off the phones at night when children have to go to bed to avoid digital distraction.
• Become a regulator or emotional trainer for your children. Teach them to recognize and manage their own frustrations and anger.
• Teach them to greet, to take turns, to share without running out of anything, to say thank you and please, to acknowledge the error and apologize (do not force them), be a model of all those values you instill.
• Connect emotionally - smile, hug, kiss, tickle, read, dance, jump, play or crawl with them.
Article written by Dr. Luis Rojas Marcos Psychiatrist
Does every woman in her 30s go through a phase where you really wonder why any women marry men? At least four friends have called recently with stories about truly shitty husband behavior and I am starting to think most women would be better off raising their children in some kind of women-run commune.
I don’t know who needs to hear this but your eldest child does not exist to serve as a maid, nanny or cook. Being the oldest of your kids does not make us any less worthy of having and enjoying our childhood. Being the oldest of your kids doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the same nurturing and love you shower your younger kid(s) with. Being the oldest doesn’t mean we should sacrifice things for the sake of accomadating our younger siblings.
we didn’t ask to be born first, therefore we shouldn’t be punished. having multiple kids can lead to parents (esp single parents) depending on the eldest to help “lighten the load”. but whilst doing this you can forget that they are your kid too and it’s extremely unhealthy for that child to grow up watching the differences with how you treat them versus how you treat your youngest kids. It’s 2019, it’s time to treat your kids like the actual humans they are.
I was reading a survey on attitudes towards trans people (this one, actually) and a little interesting finding of it is that acceptance of trans people’s gender does have a meaningful relationship to age, but not in a linear way. In actuality, attitudes that trans people are just their assigned gender peak around 55 (or, people born in 1963, however you wanna look at that) and that people older than that tend to have slightly less transphobic understandings. Which is interesting, as a person in an age cohort where me and many of my peers were growing up with and coming out to parents in basically that exact age/group.
I was terrified of having kids, and for a while I was against it. Really, really against it. My wife and I got into shouting matches over it.
I was afraid of passing down my stuff. Trauma, depression, anxiety, bad family patterns: they say all those things get passed down. I wouldn’t wish those things on anyone. I know how bad it gets. I can’t imagine a child starting off in the world that way.
If my child could start with a clean slate, an immaculate tableau of fresh cement, they might have a chance. But that isn’t how it is. They will have the indelible marks of my own problems. I couldn’t do that to them.
I imagined the day my future son or daughter would ask me, “Why? Why do I always have knots in my stomach and my brain? Why do I get tired so easily? Why do I take twice as long to study as the other kids? Why am I more angry, more sad, more reckless, more hot and cold all at once?” And the look when they know it’s my fault. And finally: “You knew and you had me anyway?”
No one can control the trajectory of a person. You know: the best parents can have the worst kids, the worst can have the best. I found it easier not to take the risk at all. It was a strange irony: I was doing a favor for my future kids by not having them, for their sake, to spare them. It made sense to me.
Something changed. A switch flipped. Almost overnight. I’m not exactly sure what it was. But part of it, at least, was that I started thinking: If God had brought me this far with all the stuff I had endured, then maybe our kids could be okay. Is that selfish? I suppose. But if my children could reap any benefit from my resilience, maybe some of those terrible patterns could finally be broken and new ones could be written. If my endurance up to now only served to give a fair shot for my children, then it will have been worth all I had endured.
I look back and I had never really been alone, after all. Childhood was traumatic, scary, and brutal, but even at my loneliest I was not alone. My children won’t be either. That’s something I can pass down, too. They will not be a blank page, no. They will have my bad. But I pray they will have anything worth keeping from me, too. I pray they will soak up all the good that God can give, every ounce of grace that I have been given.
It’s still scary. Still terrifying. God be with us.
— J.S.
Parents who have abused their children,
I know y'all love to say you’ve changed and I’m tired of arguing that you haven’t. So, let’s assume you have. Let’s assume you are one in a million and have actually changed your abusive behaviour towards your child…
That does not erase the past. Your child is not obliged to forgive you immediately, or ever, because you don’t treat them like garbage anymore. Years of trauma, of internalised feelings of guilt and worthlessness, of being scared of someone, of second guessing everything one does, of waiting to be constantly attacked… those things do not heal overnight. And, even if your child has had time and resources and actually has healed, that does not mean those things haven’t happened.
If you really have changed, you have to be able to see that you caused immense harm to your child. You have to accept that guilt, respect their healing process and understand if, when and how they want to have a relationship with you. You have to find a way to be okay with the fact that they might never forgive you. That they might want nothing to do with you. Whatever your child says they want, you have to listen, respect, understand and not push for more. In fact, instead of pushing for things that will make you feel better, you have to put them and their needs and wants first, for once in your life.
Changing behaviour does not change the fact that you are and will always be the child’s abuser. If you really care about them, don’t ever dismiss that.
- What makes life worth living? No child asks itself that question. To children life is self-evident. Life goes without saying: whether it is good or bad makes no difference. This is because children don’t see the world, don’t observe the world, don’t contemplate the world, but are so deeply immersed in the world that they don’t distinguish between it and their own selves. Not until that happens, until a distance appears between what they are and what the world is, does the question arise: what makes life worth living?
i. every time you tell your children who they should be, force ideals in their heads of a livelong dream you once gave up on, remember that you’re encouraging them to fit into standards to be loved and their individuality means nothing. all the quirks and talents—nothing.
ii. every time you force your kid to say sorry and never once you admit you’ve made a mistake, remember that you’re always going to be the reason why they’ll tiptoe around people. the voice that they might be the reason why people are upset will never walk away even when the argument ends, please remember that.
iii. every time, you shout at your children to do something with no explanation why, remember that you’re conditioning them to think that love means total obedience and not compromise or openness.
iv. if you ever threaten your kid that you’re about to leave and never come back in the middle of an argument, don’t ever question why your kid is so terrified of attachments.
v. every time you choose to victimize yourself, you’re trapping them in a world where all they do is please you. parents, your children may not always seem like they love you, but i can guarantee that at least once they’ve stop and thought of the fact that your life is better if they’re not around. don’t be surprised if this might be one of the reasons why they choose to kill themselves.
vi. one more thing: every time you talk down to your kid and tell them they will never understand what you’re going through (especially if your child is old enough to actually understand), don’t be surprised if they’ll one day stop seeking answers in class. some of us actually understand; you just never choose to talk to us and instead hide behind your meetings and phone calls in dinner tables.
addendum: being a parent is tough and no one expects you to be perfect all the time but if your kid is learning from you, you should do the same thing too.
You ever just think about how your parents really fucked up with you sometimes because with the power of hindsight you can recognize in yourself what little you couldnt comprehend
I remember this one time i was in the 7th grade and i got a really bad report card. I was getting viciously bullied at the time and felt ostracized as a jewish kid that was put in a catholic school to avoid the bullying from my elementary school in a different district, so of cours i subconsciously came to the conclusion that i was the problem. That mindset will inevitable spiral from “its my fault i get bullied” to “im the problem” to “im A problem” to “im not and ill never be good enough because im a problem.”
So i hid the report card for a week and made excuses as to why i didnt get mine.
They found out, of course. And they screamed at me. That was my take-away, honestly. I dont remember what they said, just that i was deathly terrified the whole time and punished for crying.
I mean, not once did they question why i was more concerned with their discipline than the grades themselves. It was never addressed why TO THIS DAY i automatically cower and my vocal cords seize up when somone raises their voice at me. I cant help it. Ive sneered at neo-nazis at counter-protests and stood strong on the front lines of rallies i knew damn well could end in me being arrested and beaten near-death by police batons. I’m not a naturally-cowardly person. I get brash in those situations, and the adrenaline feels like a high that gets me through it. My typical response to fight-or-flight is fight, and it’s gotten me into shit in the past because i either got hot-tempered and threw a punch or snapped back with a response that was too charged. Yet I can’t help myself from falling apart into a timid and flinching mess doing everything in his power not to cry from how helpless and shaky and dizzy he feels when someone uses a firm tone on him. That doesn’t add up.
So yeah. Parents, please question WHY your kids do the things they do, because I promise that it’s usually not just to spite you. And also maybe take a step back and look at how you discipline them from a removed POV. Put yourself in their shoes, actually. Because I know how shit it is to have a borderline trauma response to an airport security guard shooting you an annoyed unimpressed look for forgetting to take your water bottle out of your bag in customs
anonymous said:
What was alastor's reaction when he first saw the twins ( and worn out angel dust)?He, first, was covered in blood (mostly not his blood, fortunately) because as I said, the twins were born on the first day of the year, right after the purge. And the buck are obligated to protect their doe and fawns.
He cried, really crying when he walked into the delivery room. Husk and Lucifer always talk about this event that day to provocative our deer overlord.
Alastor was glad that his wife and children were safe, but also very worried and awkward when asked to carry the twins. As you know, he always killed and ended everyone life, but at that time Alastor was carried in his arms the new lifes belonged to him and Angel. Very stressful!!!
He was still cried like a betch im srAnd Angel? He has lost a lots of bloods and too weak, even Lucifer was afaird he might not survive..
Immediately after the joy of meeting their kids for the first time, Alastor faced the high risk that he might lose Angel…
And..
:^ hehe
I hate articles like this so much.
Dear parents,
No. Your kid is not broken. They may be having trouble interacting with the world, but I promise, they are not broken.
The issue is not that your kid isn’t capable of remembering, or focusing, or controling themselves. The issue is that their brain is wired in a unique way. They don’t take in and interact with the world the way neurotypical people do. Because of that, your ADHD/autistic kid may be struggling with executive function, anxiety and prioritizing the many demands they need to meet in life. What works to help most people memorize, prioritize and act literally does not work for them and actually goes against how their brain is meant to process information.
The solution is most definitely not a conversion therapy style program. I can promise you not only will it not work: it will do severe harm to your child that may not be reversible.
Please please stop trying to ‘fix’ your child. It will do more to hurt them than it will to help them. There is nothing to be fixed. Instead, start trying to nurture your child. Communicate with them. Try to understand how they operate. Work together with them to come up with coping skills that truly work for the unique way they’re wired. Not only will that help them get along in life, they’ll be able to understand and accept themselves better.
Your child is not broken. Do not ‘fix’ them. Your child is different. Nurture them.
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