When Life Gives You Lemons … and Mental Health Issues
Monday 17th February 2020
From the ripe age of 13, I always felt like my mind seemed to be working against me. In denial, I put this down to grief after losing a very close family member. At 13 years old, this is a very hard and confusing thing to deal with. I was told that feeling like this was normal, especially when losing someone who you deemed as your best friend. Except, it never went away. And it never got any easier.
I had always been an anxious child and would often hide behind other people that would socialise on my behalf. The fear of being disliked had always seemed to consume me, accompanied by the fear of rejection. It started off slowly as a kid, by not wanting to pay for things by myself and avoiding speaking to people I didn’t know. But at the time I didn’t think anything of it, it was brushed off and I was told it was just “a phase”.
My grandmother dying seemed to be a catalyst for all of the emotions I didn’t understand, and they got progressively worse over time. I remember watching everyone in my family slowly heal over the years but the pain I felt never ever seemed to lessen or get easier to cope with. Thus, leaving me with the feeling I was rotting from the inside out.
Throughout the years, I’ve had my fair share of hardships from losing many people I trusted and loved, realising first love isn’t really what it’s made out to be, and having to grow up without parents. But I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t want the “I’m sorry to hear that” conversation, because trust me I’ve heard it all more times than I can even count. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. This is my life - and I’m okay with that, honestly. I just need to figure out how to deal with it in a healthy way.
We are moving quickly towards a time where mental health is finally being taken seriously and where awareness is being spread. I am currently attending counselling for my anxiety and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Although, this does not mean the weights attached to my ankles have gone, but they have gotten lighter.
I’ve decided after a year or two of contemplating to finally start a blog. I’ve always loved writing but slowly lost my passion over the last two years due to my mental state, which is a bit of a shame. I now feel as though I’m ready. I hope you enjoy this little journey & I hope with all my heart that some of my posts inspire you and help you to reach your goals. I will be touching on many subjects from how to deal with the pressure of school to how I have finally reached and maintained a healthy mindset - which has now lead me to a more productive and fulfilled lifestyle. I’d really like to thank you all for the support over the years and taking time out of your day to read this. I can’t wait for what’s to come. Nothing changes if nothing changes💛