Explaining plots of books very badly
Artemis Fowl: “Ok, there are these fairies. But, get this, the fairies have guns.” *lights joint*
Harry Potter: Another puberty metaphor, but, this time with magic.
Percy Jackson: You may have one gift granted by the gods. “Yeah, how about you pay your fucking child support?!”
Heroes of Olympus: Percy Jackson Two: Electric Boogaloo
Kane Chronicles: “You know that feel when there’s a god in your brain? Ha! #relatablecontent”
Magnus Chase: Curious about the afterlife? Have you tried dying?
Trials of Apollo: “🎵Bless my soul, Herc-🎵 Oh, hi Apollo.” *Cries of pain*
Hunger Games: “Hey, I really like this character. I hope they don’t di- Oh, goddamnit!”
Alex Rider: *Spy Kids theme plays*
Wings of Fire: “🎵It’s a hard knock life for u-🎵 Oh my god, it’s a dragon!” *Screams*
The Companions’ Quartet: “It’s a monster!” “It’s my friend!” *sobs*
The School for Good and Evil: “So, you know how every baby is born a good person or a bad person? What if there was a school where we taught the good people to be good and the bad people to be bad?” “Uhhhhhhh…”
The Mysterious Benedict Society: “Why hello children. Would you like to solve some crimes? Maybe settle a blood fued?”
No Passengers Beyond This Point: “Welcome to heve- I mean paradi- I mean… Falling Bird?”