- The fixation on male entitlement creates a world in which the genders are at war, and women must spend their days stationed on enemy lines. Not only is this bound to exhaust all the energetic young women, it’s also a distraction from the big issues at hand.
Enough with mansplaining. And manspread and manslamming.
It’s time to stop man-izing all problematic behavior
- …Billions of women must be out there on this six-billion-person planet being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever.Rebecca Solnit, “Men Explain Things to Me: Facts Didn’t Get In Their Way”
Can someone please mansplain to me why I’m a “snowflake” for expecting others to respect the dignity of trans people by using their correct pronouns but evangelicals are totes normal and valid for having meltdowns every time someone says, “Happy Holidays!”?
Only respond if you’re cis, white, and male, thx.
Have you ever had a guy come up to you — on the street, in a bar, whatever — and just straight-up say, “hey, I wanna talk to you?” Happens all the time, right? Happens to women, all the time. But have you ever just straight-up said, “no?” Not “no, I have a boyfriend,” or “no, I’m busy,” or “no, I have to race to save the city from the Joker’s diabolical machinations, for I am the Batman,” or any other excuse: Just the word “no,” by itself?
Yeah. So you know what happens next, after you say “no.” The guy always keeps talking. He tries wheedling, or begging, sometimes. But if you say “no” firmly enough, or often enough that he gets the point, the dude just starts yelling. He tells you that you’re not that hot. He tells you what a bitch you are. (“You bitch, I have a Rolls Royce,” was my favorite of these.) Sometimes he follows you down the street, yelling at you; sometimes, he follows you in his car. These dudes are always so fucking certain that they’re entitled to your time and attention that they will harass you until you give it, or at least until you’re scared and sorry for not giving it. You do not have the right not to interact, as far as these guys are concerned.
This is how women are conditioned to live within a sexist culture, and within a rape culture.
I’d like to just quote the whole thing, but you really need to head over to Tiger Beatdown and read the very latest in literary and troll-slaying magnificence from Sady Fucking Doyle.
- Arrogant Law Dude
Once upon a time, I got mansplained at in front of 400 people.
Picture it, first year law - we’re learning about The Prostitution Reform Act.
Now, I’m not usually one to speak up in class, cos I hate being put on the spot, but I felt that there was a point that needed to be made, so I raised my hand.I can’t remember the exact context, or what I said specifically, but it was along the lines of: wasn’t it deeply unfair that women were always being singled out for punishment by the law for being sex workers, whereas the men who were paying for it… not so much. And also, why was it that women were being blamed/targeted in the first place, I mean you can’t have supply without demand right!
I hadn’t even finished trying to articulate my point, when this guy freaking STANDS UP and starts to condescendingly point out in what I’m sure he thought was a very witty way, why both I and my arguments were wrong. Honestly, it made me angrier than I’ve been for a long time.
The girl sitting next to me turned and we shared the look women give each other when men start talking over us.
I don’t mind when people disagree with me, I know I’m not always right, but the way he did it was so arrogant, so condescending and I’m going to say borderline sexist both in regards to me and the subject material, that it was frankly just rude.This was the same guy I might add, who I once witnessed spend half an hour telling a girl from China why China was the worst country in the world. She kept trying to talk about her own experiences, and he kept cutting her off with stuff he had read and insisting he was right. Oh, and he would continually talk crap about the engineering students, because apparently ‘they weren’t doing real engineering’ whatever that means. Basically, he was a know-it-all who lacked the ability to know when to keep his mouth shut.
Well guess what arrogant law dude, you might have tried to embarrass me and talked over me, but I passed first year law and I’m going to be a kickass lawyer.
Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you around since first year…could it be…idk…that you failed first year law, despite knowing everything about everything… - Figured it out
It’s not that I’m a prude, it’s that I don’t like having kink mansplained to me.
“You’d like spit roasting if you just…”
“See, the way DP works best is…”
For the hundredth fucking time, “ASKED AND ANSWERED.” [do you like toys, have you had a threesome, do you like women, are you into group sex—STOP YOUR FANTASY LONG ENOUGH TO HEAR THE FUCKING ANSWER] Just experienced my worst mansplaining in a while.
My car was a bit low on oil, so I bought some while shopping and parked in a flat section of the lot so that I could re-measure the levels and add it in. After popping the hood, I realized that my engine was still a bit too hot to work with, so I left the hood up. It was only going to take the wind a few minutes to cool everything down for me, no big deal. While waiting, I just sat in the driver’s seat and entertained myself with a book.
A man practically came running up to me and quickly said “You can’t drive with your hood up!”
I stared at him.
“You need to close the hood before you drive.” He told me, completely serious. “Make sure you put it down.”
“Okay.” I looked out the windshield that was completely blocked by my popped hood, then back at him. “…Thanks.” And seemingly satisfied, he walked away.
This guy actually thought that I was going to drive around with my hood completely propped up. He actually thought that I needed to be told “Gee, an important part of driving is being able to look where you’re going, so having a huge sheet of metal blocking your windshield isn’t a good idea.”
Thank you, kind sir. I never would have known that without your help.
- EPIC MANSPLAINING FAIL
You guys. I have just endured The Mansplain To End All Mansplains.
Ever since we moved into our current flat, I’ve been getting weird calls from some group calling themselves the Accident Helpline. At least once a month, but recently more like once a week, we’ve been getting calls from them. Every time, I’ve explained, with increasing anger, that they are cold callers; to please take my name and number off their list. Every time, they have declined to do so, and have eventually called back.
At 2pm today, they called again. The guy who called me didn’t bother to introduce himself; he just said he was from the Accident Helpline. This time, I was determined to get them to go away forever.
Me: Listen to me very carefully. You are cold calling me. You have called me about fifteen times, and every time, I have asked you to take my name off your list and stop calling. That is what I’m asking you. Can you please take my name and number off your list?
Him: No, I can’t do that.
Me: Why?
Him: Because you’ve had an accident.
Me: No, I haven’t.
Now, at this point, there’s really only one way the conversation ought to go: with him acknowledging that my number is on file by mistake, apologising for the inconvenience, and hanging up.
This isn’t what happens. Instead, he fucking gainsays me.
Him: Yes, you have.
Me: Excuse me? Of the two of us, which one has the actual experience of living my life? Don’t you think I’d know if I’d been in an accident?
Him: Maybe not.
Me: Are you saying you know my life better than I do? Is that what you’re saying?
Him: In this case, yes.
Me: Do you really think it’s possible for a total stranger to know my life better than I do?
Him: It’s possible, yes.
Me: *inarticulate rage*
At which point, he hung up, leaving me physically furious.
But it gets better.
Not ten minutes ago, another guy from the same company rang again and started giving me the same spiel.
Me: I’m sick of this. I haven’t had an accident. I want you to tell me what details you have on me in your file.
New Guy: Your name is Julia Roberts, you -
Me: That’s not my name.
New Guy: What? What’s your name?
Me: I’m not telling you that. But I’m not Julia Roberts.
New Guy: But you were in a car accident -
Me: NO, I WASN’T.
New Guy: Well, do you know who Julia Roberts is?
Me: I guess maybe she was the previous tenant here? Beyond that, I don’t know. But she doesn’t live here.
New Guy: She’s a big Hollywood actress!
Me: …..
Me: Your details are wrong. Stop calling me. Will you stop calling me?
New Guy: I promise, we’ll never call you again.
And then, mercifully, he hung up.
But I mean. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?
I’ll never be able to get over mansplainers logic
Me: the hand railings are at 620mm and the building standard is 900mm is anyone able to come out and alter them for me please as I cant physically get down the stairs with the way they are currently
Guy: yes the minimum requirement is 900mm you need this changed asap *sends photo of picture he drew of the railing saying 900mm with an arrow pointing to the stairs*
How..on a post where I’m saying my rails are 620mm and I’m needing 900mm can a man still try and mansplain??? EXACTLY WHAT IVE ALREADY SAID??? HOW???
Had some old dude attempt some mansplaining of golf to me on Friday in a burger shop. I was on my way out, and noticed that the Masters were on tv, so I stopped to see what the leaderboard looked like. While waiting for them to put the leaders up, I was just watching the current hole, which happened to be Justin Rose and, I think, Zach Johnson. So I was watching, and then this big old walrus of a guy comes into the store and stops right beside me to look at the TV. He watches for a second, and then says in this super condescending voice (and of COURSE he has an American Southern accent):
“Darlin’, do you want me to change the channel? Or can I explain anything to you?”
I didn’t even dignify him with a look and said
“Rose has to make a 36-footer for birdie, which will put him tied for 3rd at 4-under, with 12 to go. What you can explain to me is A.) Why you think you have the right to call me ‘darlin’, and B.) why you assume that 'darlin’ couldn’t possibly have been the captain of the MHS men’s Varsity golf team, an NEPGA junior member, an Ouimet Scholarship finalist, and a 3-year volunteer at the Deutsche Bank Championship.”
That’s when I turned and glared at him, and he stared, then kind of grumble-huffed, turned and walked right out of the store.
The guy at the counter was laughing his ass off at that point, having heard everthing, and I apologized for making him lose that guy’s business, but he just shook his head and was like “No, that was totally worth it. Also, did you really volunteer at the Deutsche Bank Championship?”
And then we talked about golf for a while, and I told him how Phil Mickelson is a MASSIVE asshole, whereas Camilo Villegas, Justin Rose, and Aaron Baddeley are super nice.
- A Mansplaining Story
OOOOOOOH BOY do I love being mansplained to.
Setting: I regularly play D&D with a group of guys. 2 of them are my age and we went through school together. 1 is an older guy who is friends with one of my schoolmates. 1 is younger than us by 2 years and the newest member is 6 years younger than us. We RP, shoot the shit, generally just have a good time.
In our game, one of the players accidentally killed a few civilians during a skirmish in the city and brought them back to life through reincarnation. In doing so he reincarnated an elderly human male into a young half elf female. So we were just discussing what issues he might be facing with his new body. I said that he’d have to deal with peeing sitting down. Now the 2 younger men immediately piped up and were like “well no, he doesn’t have to.” to which I said “You’re right, but it’s easier?” And they began mansplaining to me how a woman could pee standing up. I told them that women don’t really have a hose to angle the spray so, you know, a bit more difficult and they kept on telling me how easy it is for women to pee standing up.
Eventually I simply told them, “you do realize you’re both mansplaining to me about how women pee.” To which they tried to argue but then finally decided on, no we were just having a discussion, there wasn’t any condescension. I replied “Oh you were very much condescending. That’s why I called it mansplaining.” They then proceeded to mansplain to me what mansplaining was, how it didn’t mean condescending and what not. I told them they were proving my point.
Finally, one of them decided to look it up. He admitted that I was right, the definition of mansplaining did include condescension. This wasted almost 15 minutes of time during which, thankfully, the other 3 guys kept their mouths shut.
ugh, men.
- Explaining "Mansplaining"External image
[Image credit:Ā Wes Mountain]
So. This has been a big week-plus for sexism and misogyny.
The worst part was probably when, afterĀ scoffingĀ at Julia Gilliardās speech* last week, Michelle Grattan wrote a front-page piece about how the Prime Minister fell over in India due to a heel getting stuck in grass that was originally headlined with a reference to Cinderella (see old URL) and which catalogued all recent instances when the HEAD OF OUR GOVERNMENT tripped over in high-heels. NO STARS EVER.
But aside from that, it was pretty shit how despite the significant numbers of self-proclaimed feminists (not counting Tony Abbott, obvs)Ā lauded Gillardās speech, several Senior Establishment Gentlemen decided to take it upon themselves to kindly remind us ladies that the Prime Minister is Not Actually In Fact A Feminist At All TEE EM because sheĀ like totes defended sexist comments from Slipper, does not know what misogyny actually means,Ā has not raised three daughters, andĀ supports Israel.
Letās leave aside theĀ multitude of issues raised by those articles and many others. Letās forget the fact that the Macquarie Dictionary realised that its definition of the word āmisogynyā was a little outdated and that they needed to update the entry to reflect the way languageĀ usage has evolved and changed and stuff.Ā
Letās talk aboutĀ mansplaining!
My one tiny concern is that I am not actually sure I need my underwear to tell me when I’m anxious—I JUST KNOW, OK?—in the same way that I don’t need my breasts to notify me when it is already raining. On the other hand, sometimes you think you know what you’re feeling but you really just need your bra to brasplain it to you, otherwise you will eat all the things.
….No really dude. Go ahead and Mansplain to me that “Blue is for Boys and Pink is for girls and gender is hardwired which is why we reject anyone who doesn’t fit gender norms.” isn’t sexist. And while you’re at it, explain to me how our cultural prerogative to train girls that in order to get ahead and be superior they have to be more like men and hate on pink and femininity. Go for it. I want to hear this. I’d promise I won’t be sitting back and doing a horrified, slow motion laugh at you from behind my monitor, except that I totally will. Blame it on my poor little feeble, female brain and little things like the facts I’ve crammed in there. Damn facts. Getting in the way of your happy worldview.
- Favourite Comments
RayS : 01 Aug 2011 11:29:53am
It’s terrible isn’t it Clem? Even after Slutwalk was such an unambiguous success and a crushing statement, people can still question whether girls should dress slutty.
I mean, girls should be able to go round naked and then hitch-hike home alone along the Hume highway at night and none of this should be admissable as evidence if they get raped. Yeah, what bearing would all that have on the crime, eh?
Funnily enough though, last night on the ABC in Midsomer Murders the plot involved a woman who owned a horse farm who required her male trainer to have sex with her. He was leery of such a requirement, but she was adamant. “I am your employer”, she said. “Do what I want and you’ll go far. Don’t, and you won’t”.
In a perfect world, feminists would have been outraged by such blatant abuse of power by a woman against a man, seeing it as a juxtaposition of the situation downtrodden women suffer.
However, feminists must have seen the situation not as an abuse of power but merely as a woman getting her own back on behalf of all women who have suffered at the hands of men, because the ABC switchboard and blogs were not flooded with complaints.
In other words, they apparently saw it in context. People who think rape can be seen in the context of women dressing slutty are also seeing things in context, which is their right no matter how much that annoys feminists.
4. Mansplain To explain something in an unnecessarily long winded way, so as to dominate the conversation, and to make statements that are not based on facts, assuming that people will believe and agree with him because he is male.“The recession was caused by the government because it spent too much money and people should look after themselves and not expect society to look after its members or its community… ad nauseam.
…Therefore its all womens fault.”
^mansplaining.External image
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