You’re washing the dishes and you turn on the garbage disposal.
this weird little thought just pops into your head.
“I should totally stick my hand into it!”
I do it, you do it, and I’ve always thought why.
Why is it that when every time the bus arrives I think “Oh man I could totally dive in front of this and probably not survive!”
Or when frying eggs in the morning, when it gets a bit boring, my mind starts adoring the idea to grab the pan and melt my face, just because I can.
I mean, c'mon, why am I thinking
“Oh, look at that hot bonfire! I should lick it!”
They say it is “Intrusive thoughts.”
Freud said it is “The Death Drive.”
The French say it is “The Call of the Void.”
Thoughts that intrude upon your mood to exude possible attempts at doom as they collide and consume until your room becomes a chamber in which death looms.
Long nights on longer roads and you think you can just swerve into the other lane.
Like it’s all a game in which the insane is everyone who wants to circle the drain and this brain is thinking “We get there all the same. Why not just take a quick and fast train?”
When the abyss calls and leaves messages saying “Hey, boy.”
That’s the void.
Someone says that we recognize the danger and we materialize it as thoughts,
so your brain realizes the drops
the potential chops
The hidden behind every corner cop ready to hail gunfire.
But I knew the dangers with you
The consequences still rang out true
And the monsters in the void just grew.
Every burning light bulb I wanted to touch
Every heavy traffic flow I wanted to rush
Every knife I had wanted a cut
Every door saw my head and wanted to shut.
Every call from the void,
Every text from the void,
Every look from the void,
Every brush from the void,
Just kept making me walk back to that deep well
How far does that blackness REALLY go?
And every time I would walk around the clock to pass the time
Or to feel the winter wind just to cool off
I kept finding myself to this north star
Leading me home?
I kept trying to avoid it.
Kept my mind busy.
Read comics to deal with my issues
Tried new foods to appease my curious appetite
I even tried origami but in the end I folded to the pressure.
I looked straight into the void.
And if you get real quiet, you can hear…
I haven’t hit the bottom yet.