Ted Cruz: Listen, repealing obamacare is not gonna be easy. Passing a simple flat tax and abolishing the IRS [Mic bump] is not gonna be easy, but if we stand with the american [Mic bump] people we can do it.
Some dude: Dr. Carson, Dr. Carson.
Ben Carson: Uh, thank you for including me in the debate.
Some dude: …
Ben Carson: …
Some dude: Governor Bush, I wanna–
Jeb Bush: Yes, Yeah.
Some dude: You have said legal–illegal immigrants, quote ‘broke the law’. What does that mean to you, and how does that inform–
Jeb Bush: First, I– [camera zoom-in onto Jeb’s face]
Some dude: –your approach–
Jeb Bush: –feel like I– [camera zoom-in onto Jeb’s face]
Some dude: to Immigration reform?
Jeb Bush: Great question, I– [camera zoom-in onto Jeb’s face]
Donald Trump: Jeb is a MESS.
[Airhorns. Clapping. Sad music starts playing.]
Donald Trump: Jeb Bush is the weakest person on this stage [zoom-in onto Trump’s hand] by far. [Cut to Jeb Bush looking down.] Jeb is a WASTE and everybody knows it. [Again, cut to Jeb. Zoom-in onto Trumps’ face] He is SO WEAK…it’s laughable.
[Montage of airhorns, all of the candidates laughing and Donald Trump saying 'Jeb is a mess/waste.]
Donald Trump: Jeb is a BIG FAT MISTAKE. [Mic bump. Quick cut to Jeb. Mic bump. Cut to Trump’s face. Mic bump.]
John Kasich: I gotta tell ya’ this is just crazy, huh? This is just nuts, okay? [Audience laughs.] Geez, oh man. [Cut to Trump’s face as it slowly zooms-in, glowing red.] Geez, oh man.
Jeb Bush: Y'know, this–this–this is the standard operating procedure to disparage me, it’s fine, I don’t really—
Donald Trump: 'scuse me, Jeb.
Jeb Bush: …
Donald Trump: Jeb is a BIG FAT MESS. [Audience OOOH-ing. Airhorns.]
Some dude: Okay, governor, uh, Bush.
Jeb Bush: The reason why I should be presid–[Quick airhorn.]–dent. [Cut to Trump’s face like he took the biggest shit of his life.] Great question. The reason why I should be president–I feel like I have to, um–
Donald Trump: Excuse me! Two days ago he said he would take his pants off and moon everybody! [Audience cheering (?).] Nasty guy, he’s a nasty guy!
[Close-up of Jeb looking displeased and confused.]
Donald Trump: Jeb is a nasty guy! I wanna tell you: I don’t often agree with Marco [cut to Marco Rubio smiling.], and I don’t often agree with Ted [cut to Ted Cruz on the verge of tears.], but I get along with everybody. [Mic bump.] But I say this every night, [Extreme close-up to Trump’s face] every day, [Close-up of Trump’s lips as the screen goes a bit red] every afternoon, and it’s so true: Jeb is a MESS. [Mic bump. Cut to Jeb.] Jeb is a WASTE. [Mic bump. Cut to Jeb.] Jeb is a BIG FAT M E S S. [Mic bump.]
[Airhorn which slowly ascends into a sad tune.]