Does your loved one have borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)?
In your relationship:
- Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around your loved one, watching every little thing you say or do for fear of setting them off? Do you often hide what you think or feel in order to avoid fights and hurt feelings?
- Does your loved one shift almost instantaneously between emotional extremes? For example, are they calm one moment, raging the next, then suddenly despondent? Are these rapid mood swings unpredictable and seemingly irrational?
- Does your loved one tend to view you as all good or bad, with no middle ground? For example, either you’re “perfect,” and the only one they can count on, or you’re “selfish” and “unfeeling” and never truly loved them.
- Do you feel like you can’t win: that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you? Does it feel as if your loved one’s expectations are constantly changing, so you’re never sure how to keep the peace?
- Is everything always your fault? Do you feel constantly criticized and blamed for things that don’t even make sense? Does the person accuse you of doing and saying things you never did? Do you feel misunderstood whenever you try to explain or reassure your partner?
- Do you feel manipulated by fear, guilt, or outrageous behavior? Does your loved one make threats, fly into violent rages, make dramatic declarations, or do dangerous things when they think you’re unhappy or may leave?
If you answer “yes” to most of these questions, your partner or family member might have borderline personality disorder.
Remember the 3 C’s rule
Many friends or family members often feel guilty and blame themselves for the destructive behavior of the borderline person. You may question what you did to make the person so angry, think you somehow deserve the abuse, or feel responsible for any failure or relapse in treatment.
But it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for another person. The person with BPD is responsible for their own actions and behaviors.
The 3 C’s are:
- I didn’t cause it.
- I can’t cure it.
- I can’t control it.
When things are calmer:
- Listen actively and be sympathetic. Avoid distractions such as the TV, computer, or cell phone. Try not to interrupt or redirect the conversation to your concerns. Set aside your judgment, withhold blame and criticism, and show your interest in what’s being said by nodding occasionally or making small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.” You don’t have to agree with what the person is saying to make it clear that you’re listening and sympathetic.
- Focus on the emotions, not the words. The feelings of the person with BPD communicate much more than what the words he or she is using. People with BPD need validation and acknowledgement of the pain they’re struggling with. Listen to the emotion your loved one is trying to communicate without getting bogged down in attempting to reconcile the words being used.
- Try to make the person with BPD feel heard. Don’t point out how you feel that they’re wrong, try to win the argument, or invalidate their feelings, even when what they’re saying is totally irrational.
- Do your best to stay calm, even when the person with BPD is acting out. Avoid getting defensive in the face of accusations and criticisms, no matter how unfair you feel they are. Defending yourself will only make your loved one angrier. Walk away if you need to give yourself time and space to cool down.
- Seek to distract your loved one when emotions rise. Anything that draws your loved one’s attention can work, but distraction is most effective when the activity is also soothing. Try exercising, sipping hot tea, listening to music, grooming a pet, painting, gardening, or completing household chores.
- Talk about things other than the disorder. You and your loved one’s lives aren’t solely defined by the disorder, so make the time to explore and discuss other interests. Discussions about light subjects can help to diffuse the conflict between you and may encourage your loved one to discover new interests or resume old hobbies.
- Try to be patient. If your loved one is struggling to deal with their emotions, try not to get involved in an argument in the heat of the moment. It could be better to wait until you both feel calmer to talk things through.
- Don't judge them. Try to listen to them without telling them that they're overreacting or that they shouldn't feel the way they do. Whether or not you understand why they feel like this, and regardless of whether you feel it's reasonable, it is still how they're feeling and it's important to acknowledge it.
- Be calm and consistent. If your loved one is experiencing a lot of overwhelming emotions, this could help them feel more secure and supported and will help in moments of conflict.
- Help remind them of all their positive traits. When someone you care about is finding it hard to believe anything good about themself, it can be reassuring to hear all the positive things you see in them.
- Try to set clear boundaries and expectations. If your loved one is feeling insecure about being rejected or abandoned, or seems worried about being left alone, it can be helpful to make sure you both know what you can expect from each other.
- Plan ahead. When the person you're supporting is feeling well, ask them how you can help them best when things are difficult.
- Learn their triggers. Talk to your loved one and try to find out what sort of situations or conversations might trigger negative thoughts and emotions.
- Learn more about BPD. BPD is a complicated diagnosis, and your loved one might sometimes have to deal with other people's misconceptions on top of trying to manage their mental health problem.
- Help them seek treatment and support.
- Help them find an advocate.
- Take care of yourself. Looking after someone else can sometimes be difficult and stressful. It's important to remember that your mental health is important too.
Things that do not help:
- Do not take over control of their life. Support them to make their own choices. Avoid conflict or arguments over these.
- Avoid the temptation to try to rescue the person from a particular situation. Don’t imagine that you can fix their life for them.
- Avoid being drawn into their conflicts with other people, including their psychiatrist (e.g. cancelling appointments on their behalf instead of expecting them to do so themselves, or being drawn into one side of a family conflict).
- Don’t try to be their therapist. Instead, help them find the right treatment and support them to follow their treatment.
- Try not to get defensive in the face of accusations and criticism. When they get emotional or angry, it is not just about you or about the situation – they are trying to deal with BPD at the same time. Try to distinguish the person from the illness.
Setting goals for BPD recovery: Go slowly
When supporting your loved one’s recovery, it’s important to be patient and set realistic goals. Change can and does happen but, as with reversing any kind of behavior pattern, it takes time.
- Take baby steps rather than aiming for huge, unattainable goals that set you and your loved one up for failure and discouragement. By lowering expectations and setting small goals to be achieved step by step, you and your loved one have a greater chance of success.
- Supporting your loved one’s recovery can be both extremely challenging and rewarding. You need to take care of yourself, but the process can help you grow as an individual and strengthen the relationship between you.
part 1 of a comprehensive visual guide on custom wheelchairs! This is to help out artists who are overwhelmed and confused by wheelchairs as subject matter.
This guide is completely free to use, study, and reference. All that I ask is that it is not reposted without permission or stolen without credit/misplaced credit. That being said, feel free to reblog and save for personal use.
Young Women watching: you’re allowed to say “I’m speaking” when someone interrupts you. “I’m speaking” is a full sentence. And you can use it, even when they try to tell you to be silent. Keep talking.
Informative mental health posts
I love doing research and I wanna start making big posts about mental illnesses that include things to do/say and what not to do/say to people who struggle with that illness. Send me asks or private messages to let me know which mental illness post I should do and I'll do it! I already have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) made and I'll post it later.
Heyy cuties! I see these cute post alll the time and I wanted to be on my "Real advice girl sh!t" too.
Recently I've been on a journey to find myself and be my best self. I know things like this can be totally lame sometimes.. Especially when you're in it alone but fear not cuties! It's so many people out there feelin' just like you (and me) so let's get this post poppin' babes!
1. Like the great saint Kashdoll once said "He For Everybody!" and that goes for growth too.
* Think about the company you keep!
If people you hang around are constantly causing problems and cause more harm than good... "baby girl you to drop themmm!"
*Reconsider your actions!
Think about how you treat yourself and others you care about. Is this really the you, you want to be?
*Change your surroundings and maybe even your style.
Oh I think I like that so let's speak on it!
2. Find your PERSONAL style!
*Look around at new places to shop or ways to be more creative with what you have. If your closet feels like it needs a re-up like Nicki Minaj's second studio album MAKE IT HAPPEN! If your low on funds I got you.
~Try selling old clothes on Depop.
~Flip your clothes into something new!
~Thrift and second hand shop or look for sales and coupon codes.
~learn to sew or crochet! (making your own designs can be fun and exciting for unique pieces in your wardrobe)
* Find some inspiration! Fashion is seriously ALL around you! Anything can spark a fresh new idea and don't be afraid to think outside the box. If you're scared to try something out give it a chance you never know how you may like it.
~Download pinterest or Tiktok!
I personal find these apps to be extremely helpful when finding inspiration for new looks I want to try. There's so much information just waiting to be found and you should totally check it out.
Put on that lab coat babes because it's about to get crazy! Look at the clothes you have and think of new combos! Mix up patterns, try layering, and def get into to it with accessories.
Oh yes! If you've been around the virtual doll worlds (stardoll, mattel dress up games on your elementary school's computer, Imvu and even doll divine) this is right up your alley! Everskies is perfect for making new looks. And it's a great way to showcase your ideas and even make new friends.
Yes miss mamas I know you're already here and that's how you're reading this. Pay attention gworl! Tumblr is full of hidden gems and lot's of things you haven't discovered yet. After tumblr's little clean up things seemed lost but I like to believe its getting back on track. There's lots of places to discover and find new fashion and even subcultures. Don't let yourself be stuck in a box check out new places and new tags!
3. Next caller! Next Caller! Let's talk about your room!!!
*DECORATE!!!! I cannot be anymore clear in that. If you have a space to decorate do it! Here's my top tips for you best room!
~Look at your space and brainstorm!
Take note of the size of your room and even look at the furniture you have in it. If you have a small room try to place your furniture to have a more spacious look or even downsize your bed if you can.
If you lack closet space try looking for clothing and shoe racks. Think of better ways to store things and try not to keep (bad) clutter or boxes.
~Choose a theme.
No, you do not have to have a strict cookie-cutter bedroom you saw in a generic lifestyle post. Think of things you like and see if there's something like that you can use in your room.
If you love plushies or stuffed animals totally get some for your room they make any space adorable.
Try out posters or even make a photo wall. Print out some images or go get images printed that you like. (freeprints is a great app to get your pictures for your wall and yes it is actually free your first purchase)
~Get some decor!
Decor is very important and easy to find you can put absolutely anything in your room. (Something that brings back cool memories, something you splurged on because it looks cool, something gifted to you, just anything that makes you room your happy place)
~Make the most of it!
At the end of the day with the way the world is now your room is where you spend most of your time. So why not make it your palace. Make it a safe, clean, healthy and positive space. Take a day out of your week to deep clean and keep it fresh. If the week got totally hectic and a mess and your room got the worst of it. Take the time to get it back on track!
4. Be unapologetically you! (and love yourself)
*In the name of our Icy big sister, muva, cousin, homegirl or All together queen Diamonté Quiava Valentin Harper (miss Saweetie) ! You betta tap in! I KNOW DAS RIGHT!
~Don't be afraid to live your truth and speak your mind.
Be a boss! There's is nothing wrong with being madly in love with yourself. Whoever you are, where ever you started and came from, no matter what color, size or age! Always know you are that BITCH!
If anyone ever tries to tell you otherwise don't take it to heart and don't let it get to you. I know that's easier said than done but don't ever give someone that much power over you.
Cleanse your skin daily and try to have an easy reliable skincare routine.
Do your hair and paint your nails.
Pick out some cute pjs. If you are lounging around the house often try to buy some cute lounge sets. and get ready even if you are just lounging.
Journal! Sometimes we just need to get things off our chest and feel we can't tell anyone. Journaling is a great way to let it out. If you feel a actually book journal isn't private enough download google docs and drive. It's safely on your phone and it has a great passcode system.
Fuel your body! Eat and drink good things. Mental health can actually have a lot to do with you diet. You can feel a lot more tired and drained if your aren't getting what you need. Cooking and trying new recipes can be fun and exciting!
Work out! Working out has been given a bad name due to body shamers but it's actually got more benefits than weight management. It can help you feel happier, more energized, and even make your body more firm. It can be a really great experience if you find fun new ways to exercise. You can try so many routines like dancing (twerk it out), martial arts, skating, bike riding, walking to explore, yoga, and so much more.
5. Hair and Makeup!
~Try out new hair colors and styles!
Wigs are your friend! It's a great way to switch it up and protect your natural hair. You can also test out new looks without the commitment.
there's lots of ways to style wigs but if wigs aren't you thing... Try color clip ins! tracks can be found in the beauty supply for very low prices in tons of colors and they are able to take heat. you can also find clips to sew on. If you go this route you can have so many color combos and go all out and its much more versatile.
Try hair accessories! There's so many things you can use to spice up you hair. there's clips, scrunchies, hair jewels, pom pom hair ties, and anything you can think of!
Remember there's way more to hair than middle part 30 inches (no shade)
~ makeup! We all remember sunset eye shadow and concealer brows (again no shade) but make up is also whatever you make it. There is no right and wrong way to do it at the end of the day.
Try new lash colors and even new brow colors. Get creative! try new looks you've seen or maybe even come up with your own.
See what looks good on your face and what you like and ALWAYS take some pics and go all out!
Okay dolls I hope that was a good read for you all and it helped! Feel free to reblog and share! If you tried any of these let me know! Lots of love forever and always.
Hi everyone I am 21 and have been jobless for the last 6 months and can not be approved for unemployment. Due to the recent situations of my mother having covid, I am looking for anything to help with the next few bills I have. I can't seem to dig myself out of this whole we have during this pandemic. Anything would help. I am losing hope and I don't want to give up. Thank you..
So here are a few books that may help some of you. These are guides, motivation, stories, and just different ways to find yourself and navigate around the topic of coming out or trying to identify yourself. Some are for teenagers and a few for adults.