filhadereis said:
Silent Hill, if you please. ;)Someone please come roleplay with me! I’m down for blackgroans or literally any other ship you’re interested in (robolex, rexvizo, etc).
I’ve got some ideas from discord here but if you have an idea you wanna do, feel free to tell me!
A sneak peek of some BlackGroans stuff for @ravensandwritings. It’s still going through edits, especially to the second half that follows this one.
“We can’t keep sneaking me in and out like this.”
“I could come visit you at League of Freedom West Side’s base next time”
“We can one hundred percent keep sneaking me in and out like this.”
Groaner was lingering on the edge of Saturn’s windowsill, once again navigating the amazing world of making out with no lips. His legs felt like jelly, no thanks to the man who kept coming in for ‘one last kiss’ every time Groaner made a grab for the rope to let him climb down to the yard.
“You’re going to have to let me go if you want me to come again,” Groaner mumbled.
“Could make you come again right now.”
“No, you can’t. You physically cannot. There are no more popsicles in the ice cream truck. You have yet again toppled the Washington Monument and it is closed for repairs. You’ve gone big and now I’m going home.”
“Aww.” Reluctantly, Saturn let the skull-faced clown slip down the wall and land quietly besides the bushes. He blew a kiss at the retreating head of brick-red hair.
From across the street he couldn’t hear Groaner mumbling, “I love you man, but Jesus Christ you’re clingy. It’s like fucking a spider monkey.”
Titanium Rex, to his great chagrin, did.
A follow-up to this, where Groaner also has to answer for his ‘crimes’ to a higher power. Well, a power higher than his. Well, a power that can fly higher than him, anyway.
–
Thank Christ for flight belts, thought Groaner. Saturn was like a machine. He might actually have some kind of secret mutant power that was concentrated purely in his dick. It was like refractory periods were only guidelines for Saturn. With what Groaner was carting around, on the other hand, it took him a long time to get the bridge up.
That Bad Dragon premium membership Saturn had was gonna get a real workout if they kept doing this.
Groaner’s musings on what else might happen if they kept doing this distracted him long enough that he nearly slammed into a woman hovering directly in his flight path.
“Hey, Groaner. Having a good night?”
The clown bounced backwards and tumbled in the air, flailing to right himself.“Oh! Hi, Lex. Hi. Yeah, great night, I’m just patrolling around, watching for crime. All that crime.”
Lex set her hands at her hips and gave him a skeptical look.“Really? Seems to me like you were patrolling Saturn’s rings for the last four hours.”
“I wasn’t—oh. Magna-hearing.” Groaner slumped in his flight belt, limbs dangling. “Yeah, I’m not gonna bother coming up with excuses for that. By the way, that whole four thrusts and an apology thing you claimed about him? Total bullshit. The guy’s like one of those inflatable punching bags, he goes down easy but he pops right back up again. I can barely keep up until I’ve gotten him through at least two of them.”
“Yeah. I know.” Lex touched her ear and winced. “He’s very…vocal.”
“Hey, I’ll take positive feedback any way I can get it.” He hovered to the side and Lex darted back into his path again. Groaner frowned.
“What do you want, a play by play? You’re gonna have to pay by the minute if you want that.”
“Does he take the mask off, in bed?”
Groaner tilted his head. The wind ruffled the ball of curls that served as his current hair. “Yyyyeah?”
“He’s showing you his secret identity.” Lex hovered closer, staring into the darkened pits where Groaner’s eyes once used to be. “You.”
“I’ve known it for months. I’m not seducing him to get info off him. Hell, do I look like the seducing type?”
“You know his real identity and you’re just sitting on it?”
“If by it you mean his dick, yes.”
“No! No, I didn’t mean that.”
Narrowed eyes met narrowed orbital ridges. Groaner’s lack of face was a surprisingly small barrier to his emoting abilities.
“Seriously, I know you’re not here to get details for weird fanfiction, and if you want me to say your ex is bad in bed you’re not going to get that. What do you want?”
“Just to talk.” Lex folded her arms. Groaner’s legs waved in the night breeze unsteadily. He looked down at the street, a dozen or two stories below.
“Okay, but you’re paying for drinks.”
“Does he still do the crying thing?”
“Yeah. Some. Honestly, it gives me a chance to rest the old albino anaconda, so it’s sort of a blessing in disguise?”
“Yeah, totally. I have Subtopian invulnerability and I was still worried about getting friction burn.”
“Hah! I knew that you were lying about the four thrusts.”
They were sitting in the Opticorp corporate roof deck, an eight pack of beer between them. Groaner was sprawled out against a vent and Lex sat cross-legged under a steel rose trellis.
“No, but seriously,” he asked. “What was your deal with him?”
“Manipulating him to sow dissent in the League of Freedom and ultimately crippling him by targeting his abandonment issues with a tactical nuke?”
“No, no, that made sense. I mean that whole ‘used my body for pleasure’ thing you were on about with the cattle prod? You were pissed. Like about to tear out his throat pissed. I was getting a little creeped out by it, honestly. He can’t possibly have been so bad in bed that you needed to torture him.”
Lex opened her mouth and stared at Groaner, whose emoting and eyebrows were communicating a sense of deep satisfaction. And deep soreness.
“Almost anyone else, I’d just say that I had to date Black Saturn and leave it at that. Except you’ve been doing store to door service for the last two weeks and you stuck around to cuddle afterward.”
“Why are you using your magnahearing to listen in on my amazing sex life? You know it’s not good to be hung up on your ex.” Groaner sat up, winced, and leaned back again. He pointed out at her and added, “Not that I’m not grateful. You basically laid out the red carpet for me.”
“Oh. Yeah. You’re totally welcome,” said Lex flatly. She drained her beer and then crushed it between her hands. “Nice to know my tactical nuke lasted up until he got in the same room with you.”
Groaner’s jawbone hung slack. On the other side of the building pigeons were arguing with each other over crumbs, cooing as if to join in the mockery. “Are you jealous?”
“No!”
He pointed at her excitedly. “You are! You’re jealous!”
“Okay! Maybe a little.” Lex curled in on herself, one foot sliding across the hand-cut mulch. She stared at the ground. “I’m not saying I want him back. I just want to know he actually liked me.”
Groaner snorted. “Look, I have had to hear the entire saga of all of his exes. I have called women I will never meet bitches just to make him feel better. Trust me, he liked you.” Groaner put on a graveling tone that was far too accurate. “She came on to me. Sex in the woods? Not my idea! I nearly got murdered by Rex and I got ants in places ants just don’t need to be. If I’d known she was going to betray and torture me I’d have put the kibosh on that right there. Still, that thing in the hot tub? Tooootally worth it, man.”
Lex scoffed. “Seriously? That’s what he called it? Worth it? I stuck him to a rack and put a cattle prod on him!”
“Yeah, that also went into things that make it worth it. He’s into some freaky shit. Thanks for building the rack, by the way, it’s getting quite the work out.”
A beer can flashed by Groaner’s face at the speed of a Subtopian pitching arm, and shattered into beer soaked fragments, sending the pigeons scattering. Lex let out a stifled shriek that echoed off the surrounding buildings.
Groaner waited, heart pounding, until Lex managed to calm down. The last thing he wanted was to be the focus of a temper tantrum by the second most powerful person in the city.
“You…okay?” he asked quietly once Lex settled down again. Lex curled back up, setting her chin on her knees.
“Look, it’s just…I’ve had dates, don’t get me wrong. But I could never be my full self around anyone. The supervillain thing, yeah, that’s not great. And then there’s…” Lex’s face rounded and broke out in pimples as her body broadened, briefly raising Groaner’s supraorbital ridges before they settled again.
“Oh, yeah. That Victor/Victoria thing.” He waggled his fingers back and forth. “I was wondering why you hadn’t done that in a while.”
Lex let out another quiet scream, this one starting at a lower pitch and cracking as her boy’s voice approached high notes. She gestured angrily to her now-masculine body..
“Every guy who’s seen this has flipped out. Every single guy except fucking Black Saturn, the one guy I wanted to flip out about it.”
“It might help if you got the acne thing sorted out, though honestly I’d be happy just to have any skin at all.
Lex waved a hand over her face. “Subtopians age at a reduced rate compared to humans, and boys mature later than girls. It’s why Rex looks 65 and he’s been in the League since World War II–I’m in my twenties and this half of me is still coming out of the ass-end of puberty.”
“Still, they make creams for that.”
“Who gives a fuck? It’s not like anyone’s going to see it.” Her voice took on a cutesy tone.They want pretty girl good girl power girl Titanium Lex. Not boy Lex, not failed villain Lex, not Lex with one half Subtopian and the other half put in a blender with bug DNA!” Another beer can went hurtling by, ending in a squawk and then a meaty thud.
Lex clapped her hands to her mouth. “Oh. Oh god, I didn’t mean to hit it.”
“Wow.”
“Ewwwww.”
“I didn’t know birds had that much blood.”
“Oh god, the other ones are eating it.”
“The urban bird world is a cruel one.”
Both forced their gazes away from the cannibalistic avian horror going on by the safety fence. Lex’s face slowly slimmed out and smoothed as she returned to her usual body.
“Look,” said Groaner. “I literally don’t have a face. It used to be the only day I could get laid was Halloween, and that’s if I got real lucky.” He fiddled with his bow tie. “Saturn’s hot as hell and he got laid on the regular, he just couldn’t keep anyone. And you’ve met his parents.”
“Douchebags,” Lex chuckled.
“The douchest of bags. They’re trying to turn tearing down their kid’s ego into an Olympic sport and it’s been going on his whole life. He acts like a self-centered guy but honestly, he just wants someone who doesn’t think he’s shoe scum. Yeah, he thinks you’re hot, but you don’t care about him. That’s the kinda thing that breaks him the worst. He cared and you didn’t.”
Lex’s shoulders sank. Groaner drank his final beer.
“And trust me, I’m grateful you didn’t decide to hang on to him. But he needs someone to pay attention and give a shit. You? No shits.”
“It wasn’t a personal thing.”
“Once you got the cattle prod out and started insulting his sexual abilities? Pretty sure it was. I don’t think you two would have been the Brangelina of the superhero world anyway, to be fair. He and me, we just match better.”
“Why?”
Groaner twisted the tab of the last beer around in his fingers, avoiding her gaze while his bare teeth ground together. Lex stayed quiet. In the background there was only the hum of the building’s HVAC and the soft cooing and squishing of the pigeons devouring their late peer.
There was a soft chime from Lex’s phone, mirrored by the sound of a clown horn from Groaner’s. Both looked down and sighed.
“Ninja androids?”
“Ninjas androids.”
“It’s Friday, I thought robots took Friday evenings off.”
“That’s Jews. You’re thinking of Jews.”
“I was wondering why Robobot stopped missing Friday check-ins after he deconverted.” Lex started crumpling the remaining cans and dropped them into the garden’s rubbish bin. Groaner dusted off his knees and stretched, then looked at her.
“We fit. That’s all I got for you. We’ve got baggage but it’s a matched set, even if his comes from Gucci and mine comes from the Goodwill. He gets why I do stupid puns, I get why he puts on the frat boy mask.” He twisted the controls on his flight belt and ascended with an unsteady jerk.
“And I don’t make fun of him for crying after sex.”
From the studio that brought you Raiders of the Lost Artichoke comes the next installment in the Haricots Jaunes saga: Tempura Doom! Once again, your favorite mild-flavored horticulturist is off on the trail of priceless heirloom varietals that hold the promise of supernatural nutritional benefits, donning his trademark beanie and heading off into the wild.
…There’s explosive action…
[explosion across the screen resolves to show Jaunes getting shelled, dirt is flying everywhere and the ground shakes beneath him]
…Standing against evil…
[the villian sneers at him, “Scared, are you Jaunes? What are you, yellow? Before long, you’ll snap.”]
…Romance!…
[the heroine looks at him with his beanie slightly askew, smiling to ask, “Where’ve you bean all my life?”]
…Daring rescues!…
[the heroine is trapped. Jaunes swings in on a string, and she hugs him tightly. Before swinging away, Jaunes says, “Whatever you do, don’t legu'me.”]
Coming straight to your device. Download the podcast today.
Allison Fishman was digging through public records for anything that her boss could use against his political rival. The incumbent senator didn’t want to lose to an upstart with only a few minor government jobs on the record. That’s why Allison was searching for any kind of scandal, any dirt she could find.
Nothing came up. Mister Bull was squeaky clean. No traffic violations, no drug busts, no prior marriages… If she couldn’t find any evidence on the man himself, maybe his family had some dark secrets. To her dismay she didn’t find any information that could back up what she was looking for. But there was something that caught her eye. A huge amount of information in the timeline was missing.
Paydirt! The information about Tristan only started coming to the forefront thirteen years prior, despite the fact that Mister Bull was thirty-three years old. An alias? A late adoption? Filled with new hope, Allison went further back. Mr. Bull mentioned that he was born April 21, 1978 in Harmony Hospital. Checking those records against his story, she found that there were eighteen boys born that day, but none of them matched his description. Was the story not true? Expanding the search, she moved into all the birth records of the hospital, and compared them to the adoption dates from thirteen years before.
After cross-checking all of her data, Allison had only one conclusion and the senator was not going to like it. Picking up her cellphone, she made the call.
“Senator Mercata, I have some bad news. I can’t dig up any dirt that really works against your opponent, simply because he’s a cypher. He didn’t exist on the records until thirteen years ago.”
“What do you mean, Allison? Was he in Witness Protection? A CIA deep cover operative?” The senator answered, wondering if the research had taken its toll on his aid.
“None of the above. The information I found about who he was before is shocking, but not career-breaking. The reason he didn’t exist before then was because he wasn’t a he. At age 20, there was a female to male sex change that led to the creation of this man who’s trying to get elected to your seat.” Allison breathed slowly.
“Really? Transgender…Never would have expected that. But you’re right. I can’t use it as leverage, because I’ll lose what few votes I have in the LGBT community. Out of curiosity, what was his name before the sex change?” It was at times like this that he was glad for his brandy supply.
“From what I’ve found out, Tristan Bull was once Constance Noble.”
A while back - back in the days when a dollar was worth quite a lot - a bar owner asked for a loan of $12.
“Okay,” said the person loaning the money. “$12. You’ll owe me an additional 80 cents when you go to pay it off, and I expect regular payments.”
A while passed, and there were no payments. So the loaner stopped in to the bar.
“Do you have any money to give me?”
“Alright,” said the owner, “Here, it’s been a while and business has been good. I’ll pay off half of it,” and handed over $6.40
Yet more time passed, and no additional payments were forthcoming
“Do you have any money for me?”
“Okay,” said the owner, “Here. Business hasn’t been as good but I can halve it again,” and handed over $3.20
The lender was growing somewhat impatient, so stopped by a couple days later.
“Yes, yes,” said the owner, “I suppose I have a little more I can spare. But if you keep coming so frequently, you honestly can’t expect me to keep paying so much of it,” and handed over $1.60
“No. I need more than that,” said the lender, and hassled the owner until he received an additional 80 cents.
The next day, of course, he was back. “Look, I need that money. Come on, it’s less than a dollar.”
“Ugh, okay, let me see what I can scrounge up,” said the owner. He came back ten minutes later, and proffered 70 cents.
“What? No, you’re still short.”
“It’s all I have! I found most of these by crawling around and looking in crevices!”
At this moment, one of the bar’s patrons piped up.
“Here, I’ve got five cents on me. The owner’ll still be short but will you let me drink in peace if I give it to you?”
The lender snatched up the money.
“Okay, fine. But I need to know when I can come get the last of the money.”
“Well, tomorrow is saint patrick’s day. Business here should be good. I can pay you then.”
“What’s saint patrick’s day?” asked the lender
“You haven’t heard of it? People dress up in green and go drink. I don’t really know the details but it’s great for business.”
“Alright. Tomorrow it is,” said the lender, and stomped off.
The next day, of course, the lender came to the bar and found the owner.
“It’s green day! I want my nickel back.”
filhadereis said:
Silent Hill, if you please. ;)oh god I had TOO MUCH fun with this… Oh Harry, I love you so much. While I love many characters, Harry Mason [Original from Silent Hill 1] is still my absolute favorite. He’s just so damn heroic and determined and goofy. haha. I’m still mad at Konami for killing him off.
Also I cheated, and drew two of my favorite monsters in SH-verse. Even if the air screamers make me want to punch them.
Groaners, thank you for providing me a daily amount of absurdity and laughter. The feeling that I get when I realize how insanely dumb you are, cracks me up every time. I sincerely appreciate your existence.
Title: So, What Now?
Author: Ambercreek
Characters/Pairings: Black Saturn/Groaner
Warnings: Drag me to Halloween spoilers
Fandom: Supermansion
Summary: It’s been three weeks since the Halloween party and Black Saturn was trying his best to keep a normal mindset, keeping himself busy with anything other then Groaner.