Only Filipinos would get this..

friend: what kinda cow is ugly?
me: what?
friend: I-kaw!
friend: why can't you bring salt to church?
me: why?
friend: because it's a-sin!
friend: why can't you put water in the fridge?
me: why?
friend: because it's TUBIG.
hahahaha omg.

Pinoy / Tagalog Jokes

Pinoy / Tagalog Jokes

"Free Taste" 

PROMO GIRL: Mam FREE TASTE po!

MAM: *kumuha ng isa at tinikman* Bakit ganito? Panis na?

PROMO GIRL: Kita nyo na mam!? Ganyan ang mangyayari sa pagkain nyo kapag hindi niyo nilagay sa ref. Kaya mam bumili na po kayo ng ref samin, sale ngayon!

  PEDRO: juan nanaginip ako kagabi.

JUAN: ano yung panaginip mo???

PEDRO: naglaro daw tayo ng basketball, tapos bigla akong nadulas at nasalo mo ako tapos dumikit yung lips natin tapos.

JUAN: STOP!!!!

PEDRO: bakit???

JUAN: kinilig ako

Ang KAIBIGAN parang PERA. Kapag marami, mas masaya. Kapag kulang, nakakalungkot. Kapag nauubos, nakakaiyak. At kapag PEKE, DI TINATANGGAP !

"Deep River" 

(Nagawi sa ilog si Juan...)

JUAN: Bata! Mababaw ba yung ilog?

BATA: Opo!

JUAN: (Tumalon!) Saklolo! Saklolo! LOKO KA bata ka!!! Sabi mo mababaw, ang lalim pala!

BATA: Mababaw lang po talaga ,kasi po kanina tumawid pa nga po yung bibe jan eh, cool na cool lang.

  "Duplicate"

BOY: Ikaw lang ang SUSI ng puso ko.

GIRL: Weh? Ehh sino ung kaholding hands mo kanina?

BOY: DUPLICATE yun. Baka mawala ka eh.

  Sa room ng mag-asawa, may pumasok na killer.

Killer: Gusto kong malaman ang pangalan ng victim ko bago ko siya patayin. Anong pangalan mo?

Wife: Inday po.

Killer: Inday din ang pangalan ng nanay ko. Sige, di na kita papatayin..Ikaw anong name mo?

Mister: My name is Gary,but my friends call me Inday

  May katulong na di marunong magtagalog...

AMO: Pag may nagtanong kung asan kami ng sir mo sabihin mu umalis nagsimba sa quiapo kung magtanung kung kelan ang balik sabihin mu malapit na.

KATULONG: OPO Ate..

(menimorize ang sagot pero nd ang tanung,habang naglilinis may taong mula sa INSECT KILLER COMPANY)

AHENTE: Meron pu ba kaung ipis,daga at lamok?

KATULONG: Umalis...

AHENTE: Huh? San pumunta?

KATULONG: Nagsimba sa quiapo..

AHENTE: NABABALIW NA ATA TO !

KATULONG: Malapit na.

TEACHER: Okay class pass your drawings!

TEACHER: Oh Juan bakit blangko tong papel mo?

JUAN: Ma'am nagdrawing po ako ng kalabaw na kumakain ng damo..

TEACHER: Wala akong makitang damo

JUAN: Ma'am, baka naubos na po ng kalabaw.

TEACHER: Ganun ba, e nasan yung kalabaw?

JUAN: Ma'am common sense naman po, syempre umalis na ung kalabaw ubos na ung damo e

  Pinoy / Tagalog Jokes

Use it in a sentence :D

1. Use TENACIOUS in a sentence.

  • I went to the shoe store to buy a pair of TENACIOUS.

2. Use DEDUCT, DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL in a sentence.

  • DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, first DEFEAT and then DETAIL.

3. Use DEPOSIT in a sentence.

  • I hear dripping in the sink. I think DEPOSIT is leaking.

4. Use PERSUADING in a sentence.

  • Jack and Jill will be celebrating their PERSUADING anniversary.

5. Use DEVASTATION in a sentence.

  • Every morning I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION.

6. Use IRAQ, IRAN, and EGYPT in a sentence.

  • IRAQ is bigger than a stone. IRAN faster than my friend. EGYPT is smaller than a truck.

7. Use PAUL four times in a sentence.

  • PAUL, be carePAUL, you might PAUL in the PAUL.

8. Use CUISINE in a sentence.

  • I hope you studied last night because our teacher might give a CUISINE math.

9. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.

  • Ring, ring…..Hello? Who SCHOOLING?

10. Use TOENAIL in a sentence.

  • To get to Kaneohe, you must go through Wilson TOENAIL.

11. Use PENIS in a sentence.

  • Before my boy go outside and play, I tell him to PENIS his homework.

12. Use EMPIRE in a sentence.

  • Ready! EMPIRE!

13. Use DEFICIT in a sentence.

  • When I go to the pool, I check out how DEFICIT.

14. Use HOSTESS in a sentence.

  • Hello? Hello? HOSTESS?!

15. Use SAMURAIS in a sentence.

  • You’re plate is empty, do you want SAMURAIS?

NEW SCHOOL DICTIONARY:

  • ALLOWANCE - A force that motivates you to go to school.
  • BONUS - The key to pass the exam.
  • I.D. - Alternative ruler to draw a straight line.
  • STUDYING - Causes sleepiness faster than a sleeping pills.
  • UNIFORM - Where you wipe your wet hands after going to C.R.
  • TOMORROW - Deadline.
  • CLINIC - Home for best actors and actresses.
  • BREAK- Most enjoyable subject.
  • BALLPEN - Device used to draw something on the desk.
  • NERD - Bestfriend during exams.
  • CLASSMATE - Source of paper.