What addicts want normal people and those who love us to know
1. We are not stupid, we’re well aware of the damage. We know that what we are doing is killing us. We know that we are hurting people. We are aware of how society sees us. We know.
2. ADDICTION IS NOT ENJOYABLE. We are not “partying” or having a good time. The party ended a long time ago. We’re fucking miserable. Many of these drugs were never party drugs to begin with. It might seem fun and exciting the first week or month, but it quickly becomes a chore.
3. We don’t keep using just because we want to get high all the time. We use to not get sick and just to function normally in our daily lives. After awhile, we’re not thinking “how am I going to get high today?” We’re thinking “how will I be able to get to work today?” And then the reason we relapse is because we can’t remember surviving without it.
4. We have massive amounts of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. We don’t need to be called “pieces of shit” and “scum junkies” because we already feel that way about ourselves every day!! The disease tells us not to care when we lie to and steal from friends and family. The disease makes us selfish. But we are human and we feel terrible about it. We aren’t psychopaths and are more than capable of feeling remorse. The more selfish acts we engage in, the worse we feel about ourselves. But we compulsively keep dragging ourselves through dirt.
5. It has absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone else. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. It is no one’s fault and you did not fail as a sister/brother/mother/father/aunt/grandpa/best friend. When we lie to or steal from you or choose drugs over you, it is nothing personal. It does not mean we don’t still love you. When the disease takes over, it doesn’t necessarily want to hurt you. It just assigns everyone the same value so they are neutral/irrelevant. Someone in active addiction is stuck in a completely internal thought process that completely blocks out the existence of other people.
6. The drug is stronger than love and values like family and friendship and that’s why we’ve chosen it over you. That is the unfortunate truth. That’s why we find a higher power in recovery, because no human power or emotion can fight off the drug on its own.
7. While addiction makes us choose the drug, we NEVER chose the addiction over you. Addiction is miserable and we don’t want it. The addiction chose us.
It’s 2018 and literally people can’t get it in their head that drug addiction is a disease.
It results from a permanently altered brain that isn’t functioning properly. The brain’s reward centers are messed up. There are studies that even show that the person’s DNA is affected. Their personality is affected. Their actions and behavior is affected. It’s a real fucking disease.
Yeah, it’s easy to say “well their choice to do drugs got them there, so why should I care?”
Well, this argument can be used for a lot of diseases. “Well it’s their choice to not get the hpv vaccine so why should I care that they got cervical cancer.” “Well it’s their choice to go hiking so why should I care that a tick bit them and they got lymes disease?” “Well it’s their choice to eat fatty foods so why should I care that they have heart disease?” Etc.
Chances are, we all have done something that is detrimental to our health at some point in their lives. It doesn’t mean if it results in a disease, we are less deserving of help or compassion because we made choices that contributed to the disease.
There are many reasons why people start doing drugs in the first place. Sometimes it’s a coping mechanism, sometimes it’s self medication, and or sometimes it’s out of sheer curiousity. All of these reasons still warrant compassion and aid.
Shaming and vilifying addicts is not the way to help them. If you really truly cared you would be trying to create a world that is better for addicts to thrive (voting and supporting measures for affordable housing, minimum wage increases, better access to education and childcare, better access to mental healthcare, universal healthcare, etc) as well as actively fighting the conditions (poverty, abuse, lack of resources, inaccess to metal healthcare, etc.) that create new addicts.
Do you remember the summer I always sat on your lap
Nodding out on my porch, we fell in love way too fast
You lit a cigarette and I saw your eyes flicker in the heat
When your pupils were pins they were most beautiful to me
When your eyes got big, the world stood still
We stopped chasing dragons and September brought chills
I only knew how to love you when we were running and hiding
If our lips were moving it meant we were lying
Except all the times you put your lips on me
You weren’t lying then because those lies were my dreams.
I gave you a needle and put you to sleep
But before it could kill us, we killed off the dream
That’s when we decided to say we were clean
But then I woke up all alone and that killed me.
I remember missing summer when it was still in full swing
It felt gone as it happened cause we were slowly dying
Thats why I held you tight with my arms around your neck
I could feel a rhythm dead like winter that was beating through your chest
Our love was built off of travelling time
Every flick and sizzle was our speed of light
When the fire stopped burning, we were empty inside
We planted a garden in ashes, it couldn’t grow at the time
We loved in illusions and expected to survive
Our love was built off of ways to die.
I gave you a needle and put you to sleep
You believed in dope and you believed in me
Dreams were reality when you were there with me
So since I’ve been awake I don’t know what I should believe
I gave you a needle and I put you to sleep
Nothing is a lie if the lies are your dreams
Nothing’s an illusion if you’re always asleep
So since I’ve been clean i don’t know what to believe
I wouldn’t have gone crazy if you just stayed with me
I wouldn’t have gone crazy if I still lived in a dream
My summer of love and heroin and how codependency ruined me as much as the drug
I don’t understand why so many people wish death or extreme punishment on drug addicts. People who are addicted to shit like heroin or cocaine aren’t on it to hurt themselves or others, they’re people who hurt and all they want is to be happy. People use drugs to feel better, why would you punish them for that instead of helping them be happy in a healthy manner?
“Crackhead” is not a funny term. Let’s kill this trend of making it into a joke. Please learn about its history, especially in relation to black communities and in relation to ableism, and remember that drug addiction is not a laughing matter.
What to do if someone you love is addicted to drugs or alcohol
1. Recognize you are completely powerless over their addiction. You didn’t cause it and nothing you say or do will control or cure them. You are your first priority. Never make sacrifices for them.
2. Offer a completely non-judgemental ear to them. Tell them that they can talk to you about anything without judgement and you will stay neutral and keep everything confidential unless the person is seriously in danger. Do not give advice unless they ask for any.
3. Offer to assist the person in finding treatment. If he or she refuses, you have the completely valid first option of cutting off all contact with the person until they decide to accept help.
4. If they don’t want to get better yet and you are comfortable still including someone in active addiction in your life, do your best to treat them no differently than you did before. Don’t be surprised if you have to distance yourself or put things on hold. Set boundaries as needed, such as saying “no drugs in my house” and making it clear you do not support it or want to be associated with it. If they break the boundaries, reevaluate the relationship.
5. Engage in harm reduction tactics WITHOUT enabling them. Harm reduction would be carrying narcan, calling 911 if needed, encouraging them to use sterile equipment, offering to help them wash their dishes or go on a walk with them, and providing them with basic needs such as water/blanket/leftover food. Enabling would be letting them borrow money, driving them everywhere, cleaning their house, coming with them on drug runs, taking them out to eat every day, and letting them live at your house without paying rent.
6. Recognize that drug addicts are SNEAKY AF goddamn liars and thieves! (This is coming from a drug addict.) Don’t be shook if you get scammed. Don’t trust anything they say and keep your wallet, expensive jewelry, alcohol, and prescriptions on you or locked up. NEVER lend a drug addict money. 9 times out of 10 it is not “for food”. If you are convinced they are actually starving, invite them over and give them some canned soup or something and a pot and let them make it.
7. If it’s too hard to watch your loved one deteriorate even with set boundaries and harm reduction techniques, that’s when you need to go with the first option and cut them off until they receive treatment. Accept, surrender, and let go. It’s not about them, It’s about YOU, and you come first. Do not use threats or scare tactics, and be respectful. Assure them you will never stop loving them.
8. Attend a support group like al-anon to cope with any grief or anxiety you might have regarding your loved one’s addiction and do all you can to educate yourself on the disease. Remember that it is a DISEASE.
9. Once your loved one is getting treatment, reach out to them and let them know you are happy they are getting help and you’re there for them. Be involved with their treatment by calling them, visiting them, or asking about their therapy groups and meetings. Say that you are willing to support them in any way they need and ask how you can do so.
10. Don’t sugarcoat things or act like everything is fine. Tell them how you really feel. Be honest with them in a non-accusatory way with “I” statements. Tell him or her how their addiction affected you, how you cried about it, and how you feel betrayed and now have a level of mistrust for them.
11. You’ll pretty much have the same boundaries you set with them in active addiction as you will in their early recovery. You have to continue to refuse to enable them, continue to keep your money safe, keep the narcan on hand, and make it clear what will happen if they decide to return to addiction. Tell them that it’s going to take awhile to build your trust back. Realize that even if they’re clean, the behaviors and compulsions may still be present. Keep working your al-anon program and taking the steps you need to keep yourself mentally healthy and independent from the addict. Remember that once an addict, always an addict.
12. Throughout the whole process, never treat the addict as less than human. Understand that they have a disease that is not their fault. Never judge, insult, pity, attack, or blame them. Understand that they are struggling with massive amounts of shame, guilt, and low-self esteem. They aren’t having a good time, they are miserable. Addiction sucks ass. If it’s hard for you, it’s harder for them. Remember that!!
Spending money on drugs instead of necessities. Emptying your bank account for a gram.
Starving for days, high on the shit that makes you feel invincible.
Stealing from family to make it through the week you say it’s for gas but it’s really for drugs.
Giving your body to a man that sees you as a piece of meat just for 300 bucks a week you feel worthless.
Always wanting to quit but never knowing how.
Afraid to tell your family because you’re scared they’ll shut you out.
Snorting lines in your room alone because you have nothing better to do.
Feeling like the biggest failure for just trying to numb the pain.
There were nearly 64,000 drug overdose deaths [in 2016] in the U.S.. To put that in context that’s more than gun deaths. That’s more than car crashes. It’s more than HIV/AIDS during the peak of that epidemic. Another way of looking at it is it’s more deaths in the U.S. from drug overdoses than there were U.S. causalities during the entire Vietnam War.
German Lopez, senior reporter for Vox, on the opioid epidemic
Addiction is 100% a disease and not a choice. You may choose to do the drugs the first couple of times. But you don’t choose the addiction. Nobody chooses an addiction. You don’t just wake up one morning and say, “hey, you know what I’d really like? A relationship destroying, life ruining, all consuming addiction!”
Some people seem to think because you made the mistake of doing drugs, or gambling, or drinking, that you chose to be addicted. It’s such an odd phenomenon, really, I mean look at any other unhealthy or bad choice a person can make and let me know if they are ever blamed to the extent that addicts are for the resulting disease.
If you tan too much, drink and drive, smoke, eat a shitty diet, are you written off as a useless junkie and told you don’t deserve treatment? Told you chose for this to happen? No. If a person tans too much and ends up with melanoma, do we tell them it’s all their fault and view them as just a junkie? Fuck no we don’t. You’d be seen as a cruel, heartless asshole if you did!
We all do unhealthy things and we all make mistakes and no one deserves to be treated as cruelly as we treat addicts for making a mistake.
Another thing, addiction literally changes your brain chemistry. It’s not as easy as saying “yeah I’m just going to stop using” that’s not how it works. Your brain needs this substance to feel okay. People get crazy withdrawals, you can even die from withdrawal if not treated properly. So to act as if it’s a choice as simple as “well today I’m going to have coffee instead of tea” is absolutely ridiculous.
I understand that some of this resentment may come from having been mistreated by an addict in your life and I get that. Addiction makes people do bad things. It can be draining knowing and trying to help an addict. I know it’s rough. But resenting addicts because of the one or two bad experiences you’ve had isn’t okay. It’d be like me saying that all smokers are horrible people because I once dated a smoker and they cheated on me. You can’t invalidate the struggles that an addict may face because you’ve had a bad experience.
The only way to help addicts, which I hope is the goal for most people, is to treat them with love and forgiveness. Not to enable them, but to offer them help and show them that they are loved. If you make them feel bad about themselves, what are they going to turn to to cope? Yeah. I’m not saying that you are required to or that you should be held responsible. I’m saying if you want to help, this is how you can help. And if you don’t want to help, then don’t. Leave them alone and don’t further hurt them.
Addiction is a disease. Choosing to do drugs or drink or whatever your poison is for the first time is a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Overcoming a mistake and recovering requires strong support and love from those around you. People are not their addictions. And with a little more love and support, we can overcome addiction. Every single person can. You aren’t a lost cause, there are people who love and care about you out there. There are people who have been there and understand. Don’t be afraid to reach out 💕
Wenn du jemanden liebst, dann gibst du ihn nicht einfach auf. Wenn du jemanden liebst, dann ersetzt du diese Person nicht einfach. Wenn du jemanden wirklich liebst, dann kämpfst du. Du vergisst diese Person nicht. Du möchtest diese Person glücklich sehen und das mit jeder Faser deines Körpers. Du möchtest, dass es der Person gut geht, auch wenn du nicht der Grund dafür bist. Es wird dich zerreissen dies zu sehen, es macht dich kaputt, du wirst weinen, aber du hörst nicht auf zu lieben. Du wirst weiterhin hoffen, hoffen dass deine Liebe erwidert wird. Wenn du liebst, dann liebst du alles. Du liebst den kleinen Leberfleck am Hals, den diese Person hat, du liebst das Funkeln in den Augen, dass sie hat, wenn sie über etwas redet, was sie liebt. Du liebst das Parfüm welches den kompletten Raum erfüllt wenn die Person ihn betritt. Du liebst das Lachen der Person und wünschtest du wärst für immer der Grund dafür. Wenn du liebst, oh ja wenn du liebst, dann hast du nur Augen für diese Person, es gibt nur diese. Wenn du liebst, lässt du nicht los, egal was kommt, du lässt die Person nicht fallen, nur weil nicht gerade alles gut läuft. Du bleibst. Du liebst. Irgendwann wirst du eines Morgens aufwachen und bemerken, dass die Person nicht mehr dein 1. Gedanke ist und erst dann ist es vorbei. Es endet nicht, wenn du es erzwingst, denn dann war es nie Liebe. Es war keine Liebe, wenn du es unterdrückst und es wirklich verschwindet oder du jemanden neuen findest in dieser Zeit. Es dauert. Wochen. Monate. Jahre. Ja, es dauert Jahre, jemanden zu vergessen, für den man alles getan hätte.
To anyone fighting addiction and suffering from withdrawals:
Remember why you’re doing this. What you’re doing is great for your body and so much better for your health. I’m proud of you for taking the right steps forward. Your friends and family are proud. I’m proud of you for trying, for fighting, for wanting this for yourself and you should be proud of yourself too! Please don’t give up, even if today you end up breaking your promise, tomorrow is a new day
they will prepare you for your first high. they will tell you what to expect, they will tell you all they can about the taste, the sting, the rush. they will tell you how you might feel euphoric, how it will be fun and how you will enjoy literally every second of it, how you will wish these moments could last forever.
but they won’t prepare you for your first crash. they won’t tell you about the suffering of addicted soul and mind. they won’t tell you how painful it is to crave another hit, but realizing it won’t really give you what you want or need. they won’t tell you about the desperation, lies, fights, tears, consequences, fear, psychosis, injuries and how you will wish these moments wouldn’t last forever…while knowing they probably will.
You might survive your addiction, you might even get clean… but you’ll always know that getting high will be your fall back if life fucks you over again. Whether it be a break up, a failed career, or the loss of a loved one- your mind will always take you back to wanting to numb your misery with getting high… even decades later.
You’re simply incorrect. It is not an opinion or debate because addiction has been classified as a disease since the 1950s. The facts have disagreed with you for over 60 years. You are not a doctor and your Facebook rants have no merit because the medical community views addiction alongside every other physical and mental illness. Pick up the DSM-5 and “substance use disorder” will be in there. It is a medical FACT that addiction is a disease. Believing addiction is a choice is literally delusional.
if you could, please spread this around. drug addiction is horribly stigmatized in part because people do not understand that it is truly a disease. help spread awareness. help people like me feel less ashamed of our illness
-the disease model dictates that a disease is classified as such when a certain organ experiences a defect that results in symptoms
-in addiction, the brain is the organ effected. this puts addicts at an automatic disadvantage, as modern science and medicine lacks full understanding of the brain
-the symptoms of addiction are behavioral, causing another disadvantage. they are likely to be written off as the person simply being “bad” (lying, manipulating, etcl.)
-in order to be an addict, you have to have the gene for it. most people have this gene (over 50%)
-the frontal cortex of our brain controls our emotions, personality, love, morality, responsibility, decision making and will power
-the midbrain is not conscious and we have no control over it. its entire function is to keep us alive; it is a life or death processing station. when in danger, the midbrain activates and tries to save your life
-research on mice shows that addiction does not live in the frontal cortex, but in the midbrain
-when someone predispositioned for addiction is exposed to a drug, that drug “hijacks” the midbrain and your brain now believes that it is necessary for survival
-when the midbrain is activated, the frontal cortex (which remember, controls our choices and morals) shuts down
-when scanning a non-addicts brain and showing them a drug or alcohol, the frontal cortex lights up. when showing that same drug to an addict, the midbrain lights up
-normal brain activity can take years to recover after active addiction
-in addicted brains, the number of dopamine receptors is extremely low. no matter what drug is abused, the same results will occur
-each person has a certain dopamine threshold–when the line is crossed, we are happy
-drugs release a large unnatural amount of dopamine. the brain cannot handle it, and in response kills off dopamine receptors
-as a result, you need more dopamine to feel happy. you can no longer enjoy things that you used to, because nothing but the drug releases enough dopamine
-chronic and severe stress is very similar to addiction in the brain (trauma, abuse, etc.). it raises the dopamine threshold in a similar way as taking a drug does
-this means someone who has been traumatized or abused may only feel joy and pleasure when high as opposed to a “normal” person who can feel happiness from everyday activities
-a neurochemical called glutamate in the brain follows around dopamine and lays down memories when something pleasurable happens. this is what creates our triggers; our brains remember very vividly the happiness and joy of using as opposed to the pain of withdrawal
-we have no choice whether or not we have cravings. cravings without relief is complete and utter suffering–the midbrain is active and causes us to feel uncomfortable and sick in a desperate attempt to get us to use (remember, the midbrain thinks its dying)
-recovery focuses on strengthening the frontal cortex by providing it with new coping mechanisms when cravings occur, so that the midbrain cannot “hijack” us and force us to use
Getting high used to be like how you’d imagine heaven.
The perfection of it all.
Even in me.
And then, I got lost.
I kept trying to climb higher, and higher
Get closer to that light.
Like an endless ladder,
Where all you ever do is get further and further away.
There’s a part of you that wants to get lost, am I right?
Climb that ladder?
I’m addicted to you.. more so than I ever was to meth. I’m addicted to your lips like caffeine and your smile like heroin.. I’m addicted to all that is you like no substance that can be abused.. and baby, I just want you to know that you’re the one substance I would NEVER abuse. I love you more than the world and this is the only true addiction that I want.. you..
Guy I knew once who had lost three of his brothers due to drugs/alcoholism: ‘It’s not that grief gets better over time. Believe me, it does not. It gets worse, in fact. You just get better and stronger at coping.’
One question a number of Amberprice fans bring up and in protesting the original Life is Strange is why Rachel would cheat on Chloe, given how close the two girls can get in the first game (especially with the ending montage which strongly suggests things are more than just best friends even if you don’t romance Rachel). And to be honest, it’s something I’ve puzzled over myself.
My own suggestion that Rachel just “outgrew” Chloe tends to be handwaved away and rightfully so. It’s a logical answer, but it doesn’t quite feel… right. But just recently I decided to skim TV Tropes (I was curious as to what they’d said about Samantha) and decided to look up Rachel while I was at it. And that’s when the answer smacked me between the eyes.
Rachel Amber was a drug addict.
This is actually something strongly hinted at in the original Life is Strange. At least two students commented on Rachel “partying hard” and suggested that Rachel was taking things harder than marijuana. (For that matter, I’ve speculated on why the Madsen household was so deep in debt and wondered if Chloe herself had been hooked on something harder than weed and may have nearly overdosed or the like - hospital bills do tend to be problematic after all.)
There is even a logical way as to how Rachel could have gotten hooked: she was stabbed by Damon Merrick and nearly bleeds to death. Should the player choose to have Chloe tell the truth to Rachel, then Rachel also has her happy family life ripped to shreds which could mean she started hitting painkillers for a release from more than just physical pain from her stab wound. (And if Chloe lied, then learning the truth from Frank later on could similarly encourage her to turn to drugs, and to distrust Chloe.)
Her “relationship” with Frank makes more sense then. She was sleeping with Frank to get at his drugs. Mind you, she is still cheating on Chloe when doing this but there is a tragic but understandable reason behind this. Similarly, she may have encouraged a friendship with Nathan (who himself had implied there was more between him and Rachel) to get at the drugs he possessed.
Give her family history of drug abuse (with her biological mother Sera being a heroin addict and her father implied to have indulged in drugs initially but then cleaning up his act), Rachel might very well be more inclined to addiction. Rachel would further do her best to hide her addiction from her father (who has a hatred of drugs due to his past with Sera).
As for her high grades and the like? Not all drug addicts are wastrels. But it is likely she was starting to develop a tolerance for the drugs which is why she woke up during one of Jefferson’s drug-induced photoshoots… which led to Jefferson killing her so she couldn’t reveal the truth to anyone.
So. Why cheat? Because she was using Frank to get at his drugs. While Rachel was able to seem quite charismatic and caring, she was already letting her addiction guide her decisions… leading her to betray Chloe’s trust. And while we don’t have any hard proof, comments from fellow students and her waking from Jefferson’s roofies strongly suggest drugs were ultimately what caused Rachel to cheat on the one girl who loved her more than herself.
I really wish people had more compassion for drug addicts. No one wants to have their stability and peace of mind rest on whether or not they have drugs. No one wants their health and family to be at risk because of it, but sometimes and all too often for poor and chronically ill people there is no other choice.
The opium epidemic going on right now is the direct result of opioid companies marketing to doctors to prescribe hard drugs to people for any reason at all and these people are often left with no recovery program afterward to help them withdraw from the meds safely. Instead they have to keep going back to the doctor, sometimes hurting themselves just to get medication. All too many realize that heroin is pretty much the same substance and a lot cheaper.
Most drug addictions in the US are the result of our failed medical care and lack of compassion for people in great pain already.
We know that being raised by an alcoholic or a drug addict affects people, but it doesn’t affect everyone in the same way. If you ask an overachieving workaholic and an unemployed drug addict why they turned out the way they did, they might give you the exact same answer - “because my parents were alcoholics”. Two children raised in the exact same household might go down very different paths, pushed by the exact same forces. In fact, scientists have studied the children of addicts for decades, and they’ve discovered that people raised by addicts tend to fall into ten different categories. The names of these categories may vary, and different households will contain different combinations of these categories, but they reappear in the research over and over again.
So if you were raised by an addict or alcoholic, there’s a good chance that you fit into one of the following:
The Family Hero - these tend to be the oldest children, although that’s not always the case. Family Heroes grow up much faster than normal children, and assume all the adult responsibilities that their parents are too drunk or high to handle. From a young age, they become surrogate parents to their siblings, and may even act more like a parent to their own dysfunctional parents. They are the ones getting up in the morning, getting the kids off to school, making sure that everyone is fed, laundry is clean, homework is done, and bills are paid. They grow into hyper-responsible workaholic adults who are unable to put their own needs first - or even understand their own needs - and feel constantly plagued by feelings of being a fraud.
The Rebel - these kids run wild from an early age, using extreme behaviour and lawbreaking to mask their own pain, and to protect their siblings by drawing the brunt of their parents’ anger. They may intentionally put themselves in a position to be beaten or abused by their parents (by provoking or fighting their parents), to allow their other siblings to escape being beaten. At school, they act out and push others away to prevent anyone from getting too close and realizing their family situation. They tend to have disciplinary problems at school or work, and are extremely prone to developing addiction issues themselves.
The Mascot - this is the “class clown” of the bunch. The Mascot is usually one of the younger children in the household. They recognize that there is a lot of darkness in the house, and they make it their mission in life to lighten the mood. They are the ones who make fart noises at a tense dinner table after mommy has thrown a glass at daddy’s head, or crack jokes even when daddy comes home drunk and violent. They become extremely good at defusing tense situations or cheering people up, and, like the Rebel, they may strategically act out in order to take the abuse themselves and spare their more delicate siblings. The Rescuer - this is the child who gets daddy another beer from the fridge, or brings mommy her paraphernalia kit when she’s too high to move. From a young age, these kids feel a compulsive need to shelter, defend and take care of the broken people in their lives, in a misguided attempt to “help” them. They struggle with deep-seated feelings of self-loathing and inadequacy, and assume that only messed-up people want to spend time with them. They will do anything in their power to help another person, even at their own expense, and give endless second chances. As adults, they are prone to being taken advantage of or ending up in abusive relationships. They are the kind of people who will let a near-stranger crash on their couch for weeks on end without paying a dime in rent while they “get their life together”, or stay with a partner who cheats constantly because they are “going through a hard time right now”. They live to “save” people, going to extreme efforts to help others find jobs, housing, partners, etc, even when their own lives are falling apart.
The Adjuster - these kids are the ultimate adapters; they can adjust to just about anything. Nothing bothers them. They learn from an early age not to form deep attachments to things and not to set goals, so they aren’t upset when things don’t work out. Sudden changes don’t rock their world the way it does their siblings - if the family is evicted, if they have to move, if a parent goes to prison, if they go to foster care, it doesn’t send them into a downward spiral. They adapt and find a way to be happy and functional, no matter what. As adults, however, they tend to find themselves directionless and drifting - since they are unable to form attachments or goals, they have a hard time steering themselves through adult life.
The Doormat - these are the kids who just lie down and take it. They will do anything to avoid confrontation or awkwardness, no matter what the personal cost to them. They let other people walk all over them without saying anything. They are not rescuers; they do not feel the need to “save” people in their lives, or make efforts to do so. And they are not “adjusters’ - they are not detached, and they do not learn to find happiness in any circumstance. They are miserable in their situation, but they make no attempt to confront the problem or change their circumstances. They just put up with it, and they continue to do the same as adults. They are prone to substance use and abusive relationships in later life.
The Scapegoat - this is the kid who is constantly falling apart at the seams. Their coping strategy is to be so incredibly dysfunctional that they force the rest of the family to forget their own pain and rally around the Scapegoat. Often, their dysfunction is the only thing that keeps the family from falling apart. They have endless and extremely visible problems with school, peers, and mental health that require constant attention and intervention from the whole family. They quickly learn not to break out of their own unhealthy cycles - genuine concern is often one of the most positive forms of attention available in the family, and they do whatever they can to continue being on the receiving end of it. They dysfunctional habits generally continue into adulthood.
The Bully - these kids cope with their own pain by inflicting pain on others. Unlike The Rebel, who uses “victimless” behaviour like smoking or vandalism to protect themselves and others, the Bully hurts others in order to escape feeling like a victim. The Bully is not a sociopath, and usually feels genuinely remorseful after the fact. But they continue to fall into the same patterns again and again, lashing out at others rather than facing their own feelings of hurt, fear and inadequacy. They often grow up to abuse their spouses and children, and are prone to becoming alcoholics themselves.
The Lost Child - these kids are often the youngest child in the family, or a younger child in a large family. They quickly learn to do whatever it takes to be completely invisible in the family. As far as they are concerned, being completely unnoticed is the best strategy to survive. All their energy goes into being inoffensive, nonthreatening, and unremarkable. They avoid all attention, both positive and negative, and keep their emotions hidden. This is a pattern that follows them into adulthood, where they continue to keep their head down at school, in the workplace, or in social situations. They become chameleons, changing their personality to blend seamlessly into their surroundings.
The Last Hope - this child carries all the pressure of the family’s hopes and dreams. They are expected to rise above their upbringing, be a functional human being, and take care of the rest of the family when they aren’t able to care for themselves. They often serve as a stand-in for a dysfunctional spouse or sibling - they might be told “you aren’t going to hurt me like X did” or “you aren’t going to grow up to be like Y”. They are not Family Heroes - Family Heroes choose to keep the family minimally functional on their own, because they look around one day and realize that no one is going to cook supper or change the baby’s diaper unless they do it. Last Hopes are told that it is their responsibility to right the ship, not just keep it floating down the river on its side. They will work themselves to a physical or psychological breakdown trying to provide for the family financially or accomplish flagship goals for the family, like achieving straight As, buying a house, or getting into medical school despite their upbringing.
These categories aren’t hard and fast; many people fit into multiple categories at the same time, or they may fit into different categories at different points during their lives. But if you were raised in a family with addiction issues, chances are, you fit into one of these categories at some point in your life. These are not meant to be prophecies of doom; it is possible to recognize destructive habits, change your life and overcome your childhood. Understanding the existence of these patterns - and understanding that you are not alone - is an important first step to breaking free.
Lets go from hopless dope fiends to dopless hope fiends some day. I want everyone that wants to get better to get better. If you don’t want to or you’re not ready, that’s okay. Just know i support anyone that’s an addict despite your recovery status. All addicts deserve to be happy and they deserve to feel like they’re not just some dirty criminal pieces of shit. You’re more than ur addiction.
A whumpee who’s been struggling with getting rid of an addiction they have is greeted to the whumper bringing them whatever their addicted to. They explain what’s happening calmly. Whenever they need food, water, medical attention, etc. they have to take one. If not their requests will be ignored, even if they are dying.
I just wanna say that I have no experience with detox, relapse, addiction, or anything like that. I kept it kind of vauge because of this, but I think I made it impactful despite that.
I really like the way this turned out.
Words: 922. Human au
Warnings: swearing, drug addiction, relapse
Gabriel cracked his eyes open, insanely pissed at his phone right now.
“Oh, my god. What do you want?!” he muttered as he pulled his blankets up around his head a little tighter. The chiming ringtone continued for a few more seconds as Gabriel scowled under his covers.
Eventually, the room settled back into silence, and Gabriel gave a quick nod, as if he did something productive to make it quiet, and squirmed around to a comfortable position to go back to sleep.
But a few seconds later…
Gabriel grunted in frustration as he ripped the blankets off of the bed.
“This mother fucker,” he cursed under his breath as he slid over the Answer key on his phone, not bothering to look at who was calling. “Hello?” he growled. “Who is this? It’s the middle of the god damn night.”
There was silence at the other end of the line, only a faint sound of labored breathing coming through the speaker. Gabriel’s mood shifted quickly, a feeling in his gut told him this was not good.
“Hello?” He asked, a little more considerate of his tone.
Sam sounded like a complete wreck, and his pitiful whimpers and sniffles sent Gabriel’s heart to his stomach and his blood suddenly ran cold.
“Sam. Jesus, are you ok?”
Sam swallowed hard at the other end of the line, and his voice was straining, struggling to hold back his tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I called so late.”
“Hey,” Gabriel sat on the edge of the bed, hunched over and losing himself in worry, “I’ve told you before, kiddo. You can call me anytime. Day or night.”
“I know,” Sam whispered.
“Now please, tell me what’s wrong.”
Sam took a harsh breath before starting.
“Well, I know we talked about ways to stay away from it, things to say and stuff. I-I should have left. I don’t know what happened. Gabriel…I’m so sorry. I was doing so well.”
As Sam spoke, Gabriel’s eyes slid shut in realization. He covered his mouth to keep from crying out in agony. “… Sam,” he choked on the word.
“I’m so sorry, Gabriel,” Sam cried. “I was with this girl, Ruby, and it was fine, then some of her friends came over, and…and…I tried, Gabriel. I really did try! I kept saying no, but I think someone put it in my drink anyway. I…I don’t feel right.“
“Shit.” Gabriel leapt out of bed, pulling clothes out from wherever he could find them as Sam was quietly sobbing over the phone.
“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m sorry I fell, Gabriel.”
“No!” Gabriel yelled as he buttoned a pair of pants he slid on. “No, Sam,” he said gently, rubbing his eyes in frustration. “Those monsters tricked you. This is not your fault. Now tell me where you are. I’m coming to get you.”
Sam stayed on the line with Gabriel the whole time, giving directions the best he could and retelling Gabriel all the details of the night. By the time Gabriel found the house where Sam was hiding in the bathroom, he was seething.
He pounded on the door, practically growling at the dark haired girl who answered. He was still on the phone with Sam until he opened the bathroom door, and Gabriel almost threw punches at some over-muscled assholes when they tried to keep Sam in the house.
The ride back to Gabriel’s house was quiet, with Sam curling up as small as he could manage in the passenger seat, head bowed low and not saying a word. Gabriel had wanted to take Sam to the hospital, but Sam had vehemently opposed the thought, his whole body shaking. Gabriel wasn’t sure if it was from fear or whatever was coursing through his system, so he suggested that they both go to Gabriel’s house, and thankfully Sam had agreed to that.
And if Gabriel placed an anonymous call to the police about the ungodly noise coming from Ruby’s house, well, it was a little something to knock them all down a peg.
Sam’s tremors hadn’t gotten any better when they pulled into Gabriel’s driveway, yet he was sweating so much. Gabriel helped him inside and ushered him back to his room.
“You’re soaking through your clothes. Take ‘em off and get in bed.”
“Fresh,” Sam weakly laughed. Even with his body fighting him, Sam looked over to Gabriel and smiled.
“Down boy,” Gabriel chuckled back. “Literally none of my clothes will fit you. When did you become such a moose?”
Gabriel placed a comforting hand on Sam’s arm, only to pull it comically back and make a disgusted face, wiping it on his pant leg. Sam sighed, but there was still a smile on his face, and threw his sweat soaked shirt at Gabriel before he fell back to the bed and burying himself in Gabriel’s soft sheets.
Gabriel pulled the blankets up a little higher, and ran his fingers through Sam’s soft hair, only partially to push it out of his eyes.
“I’m gonna put your clothes in the tub and get you a cold rag. Stay put, 'kay?”
“Gabriel,” Sam worried, his eyes closed at the gentle hand in his hair, “I don’t wanna be by myself.”
“Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll never leave you alone.” Gabriel dipped, and kissed Sam’s temple. “Never again,” he whispered, then rushed off to take care of Sam’s clothes, wiping the tears from his face as he made his way to his bathroom.