It's only the beginning.
Honestly, everything about life scares me.
How can it not?
It’s funny, the days are coming to an end and I’ll finally be leaving my home in a few hours.
It almost feels like I’m leaving this house only to go live in a foreign far away planet.
I haven’t always been comfortable living here, but somehow I can’t feel like this place will forever be the only safe place.
I’ve had that point in my life where I just hated everything and I couldn’t wait to leave, and I still want to leave, but now it feels as if I have finally accepted this place for what it is.
It still isn’t the most perfect place, I still want to leave it, but then again I don’t.
My only worries here consist of me not forgetting to take out the trash, cleaning my room, eating, and sleeping, soon I’ll be headed into what fucks everyone over.
I hate that I’m already under stress and I haven’t even left my home yet. I hate that I’ve been trying to eat my stress away. I hate that I can’t get myself to get active. I just hate it.
I am particularly excited about moving up north to a very beautiful city, where nature is respected and the air seems to be cleaner.
I feel like I’ll finally be free, like I won’t have anyone breathing down my back telling me what I can and can’t do or telling me that what I like is wrong or telling me that who I am is perfect.
I’m tired of being held so high on a pedestal that I know I’m not capable of accomplishing. I am not as good or as smart or as happy as everyone takes me to be.
I’ve been trying to get rid of that for years. I am NOT perfect, nor will I ever be.
On another note, I haven’t even started school and I’m already planning out what I’ll be doing on my spare time.
I’ve decided that nothing is going to stop me from getting inked. It’s not something that is socially acceptable in my family, but this is something I want and it will get done. Like I said, I’m not perfect nor do I plan to be, not even if it slightly disappoints loved ones.
They’ve never bothered to get to know the real me. The real me that will only create disbelief. The real me that has never fully been unleashed, because I’ve been afraid of judgement.
I have also decided that I will have as many adventures as I can. I want to go places, I want to explore. I want to experience.
Also, I’ve began thinking about studying abroad. Again, I want to go out and explore. I’ve decided that I want to either study abroad in the UK or Australia. Two of my favorite countries. Two countries that have always intrigued me.
I know I’ll make it happen; I have to. But for now, I’ll have to start with the small steps. I’ll take one thing at a time.
And if any of you took the time to read this, then wow, I thank you.
My words hardly make sense, but thank you, it feels good to know at least someone heard me.